> > Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and > values. > > Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" > > Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?" > ____________________________________ > > A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my > intelligence come from?" > > The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your > mother, 'cause I still have mine." > _______________________________ > > "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court > judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." > > "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and > then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." > ________________________________ > > A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a > double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked > inside > his > shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. > > After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and > ordered another double scotch. > > Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all > night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket > before > you order another." > > The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she > starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home." > ______________________________ > > A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't > like the looks of your wife at all." > > "Me neither doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really > good with the kids." > ______________________________ > > An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a > curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. > > The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words > that were used to put the curse on you." > > The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." > ______________________________ > > A Texan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets > a call on his cell phone. > > He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a > round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he > announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas > baby boy weighing 25 pounds. > > Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at > 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about > average down home,folks. Like I said, "My boy's a > typical Texas baby boy." > > Congratulations showered him from all around, and many > exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually > faints due to sympathy pains. > > Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. > > The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that > typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, > aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about > how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. > So ... how much does he weigh now?" > > The proud father answers, "17 pounds!" > > The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. > "What happened? > > He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born." > > The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck > Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, > leans into the bartender and proudly says . . > > . . . . ."Had him circumcised." > ______________________________ > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5
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