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>
>
> Merry Christmas....
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 01, 2003
>
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
> place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at
> the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll
> have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
> along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
> Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among
> employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
> $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
> gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special
> announcement at that time!
>
> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>
> Patty
> ==========================================================
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 02, 2003
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
> employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
> often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
> However, from now on we're calli it our "Holiday Party." The same
> policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those
> still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
> present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music
> for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>
> Patty
> ==========================================================
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 03, 2003
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
> happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
> reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
> to handle this?
>
> Somebody?
>
> Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
> the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
> believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
>
> NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
> ==========================================================
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> To: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 04, 2003
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
> a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
> beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
> until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take
> it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've
> arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from The
> dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
> restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
> have to sit with G men, each will have their own table. Yes, there
> will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person
> asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We
> will have booster seats for short people.
> Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control
> the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood
> pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
> Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
>
> Did I miss anything?!?!?
>
> Patty
> ==========================================================
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Freaking Employees
>
> DATE: October 05, 2003
>
> RE: The Freaking Holiday Party
>
> Vegetarian Freaks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
> this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
> sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
> quaintly put it, and you'll get your feaking salad bar, including
> organic tomatoes.
> But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice
> them.
> I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you
> all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
>
> The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
> ==========================================================
> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>
> DATE: October 06, 2003
>
> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
> recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
> meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
> everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
>
> Happy Holidays!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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