even better than the Bill Gates version!!
-Ben
>While walking down the street one day, George Bush drops dead of a massive
>coronary. His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the
>Pearly Gates.
>
>"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
>is a problem: We seldom know what to do with a Republican in these parts,
>and this goes double for you."
>
>"No problem - just let me in. I'm a believer," says Dubya.
>
>"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself: He
>says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you can
>choose where you'll live for eternity."
>
>"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven."
>
>"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
>
>And with that Peter escorts George to an elevator and he goes down, down,
>down, all the way to Hell.
>
>The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.
>The sun is shining in a cloudless sky, and the temperature is a perfect
>72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of
>it is his dad, and thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out
>over the years... Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Ken Lay, Jerry Falwell.... the
>whole of the "Right" was there... everyone laughing...
>happy... casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him,
>and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the
>"suckers and peasants". They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on
>lobster and caviar.
>
>The Devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita
>and relax, George!"
>
>"Uh no, I can't drink no more, I took the pledge," says Junior dejectedly.
>
>"This is Hell, son: you can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it
>just gets better from there!"
>
>Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a
>really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty
>pranks, kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns.They are
>having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go.
>Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Georgie steps on the elevator and
>heads upward.
>
>When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is
>waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening
>the gate.
>
>So for 24 hours George Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
>good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other
>than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat-boy
>joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great,
>it's not caviar or lobster. And these people arent super-rich, he doesn't
>see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special. Worst
>of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie with his
>endless "peace" and "do unto others"
>jive. "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never
>prepared me for this!"
>
>The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, then, you've spent a day in
>Hell and a day in Heaven. Now you must choose where you want to live for
>eternity."
>
>With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya reflects
>for a minute, then answers:"Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -
>I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all, but I really think I belong in
>Hell with my friends." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
>goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.
>
>The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched
>earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste...kind of like
>Houston. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and
>chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
>They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
>
>The Devil come over and puts an arm around Bush's shoulder.
>
>"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya, "Yesterday I was here and
>there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we drank and ate caviar.
>I drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a
>wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
>
>The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were
>campaigning; today you voted for us."
>
[Todays Threads] [This Message] [Subscription] [Fast Unsubscribe] [User Settings]
