larry
How many WWF Wrestlers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the house.
How many Beverly Hills mavins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to call the electrician, the other to stir the martinis.
How many government employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but first he has to approve the budget with the Division Chief,
file the paperwork, get approval from OSHA and the EPA...
How many community college students does it take to change a
lightbulb?
One, but he earns three credit hours for it.
How many Pentagon officials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but each bulb will cost taxpayers $350.
How many shit kicker singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to handle the bulb, the other two to sing about how much
they miss the old one.
How many secretaries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. It's not in her job description.
How many Existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to bemoan the darkness, the other to redefine something
else as light.
How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb, and the other four to contemplate how
David Sanborn would have done it.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to do it, and the other four to tell him how much better
they could have done it.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The pianist can do that with his left hand.
How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. She just holds on, and the world revolves around her.
How many sound men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One... Two... Three.... One... Two... Three...
How many Clintons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, right after screwing the country. (Okay, that was
cheap...)
(Try again...)
How many Clintons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, right after screwing his secretary.
How many people from Wyoming does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them.
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
They're too macho to change the bulb. They prefer to bash
around in the dark, bruising their shins on the furniture.
How many union officials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They won't do it, and will file a grievance if YOU
do it.
How many acid freaks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Green.
How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?
They don't technically CHANGE the lightbulb, they swap with
their roommate's desk lamp when he's not looking.
How many magicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Into what?
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. But how do they get in there?
How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?
They won't change the lightbulb, but will try to convince the
bulb to change itself.
How many of your dad does it take to change a lightbulb?
He doesn't CHANGE the lightbulb. He just shakes the old one
until the filaments touch again, thus saving 50 cents.
How many trailer trash does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to bitch that the light's out, another to grab a
bulb from a light they never use anyway, and the third to
take the dead bulb outside to use for target practice.
How many convenient store employees does it take to change
a lightbulb?
"Change? No change! You buy something, you get change!"
How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. One to hold the lightbulb, the other four to drink till
the room spins.
How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
"A Klingon is NOT afraid of the dark!"
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
(...Nah, that's too easy...)
How many Bluegrass singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to handle the bulb, the other to complain that the
bulb is electric.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to handle the bulb, the other two to complain that
the light socket was violated.
How many 40-year-olds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Their screwin' days are over!
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
1004. 586 congressmen to pass the bill, one president to veto
the bill, 87 senators to override the veto, thus passing the
Illumination Act. But, 323 protestors rally against the
Act and 7 Supreme Court justices eventually declare the Act
unconstitutional. (Oh, and the bulb never gets changed.)
How many poets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to write a verse about the change he's going through,
the other three to listen to the performance, drink coffee and
write in their journals.
How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
50,000. One to handle the bulb, the other 49,999 to follow
the old dead burned-out bulb to the next town.
How many professors does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but technically his grad student handles the bulb, and he
gets three papers out of it.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They can usually find a man dumb enough to do it for them.
How many White Anglo-Saxon Protestants does it take to change
a lightbulb?
One.
--
Larry C. Lyons
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Life is Complex. It has both real and imaginary parts.
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Chaos, Panic and Disorder. My work here is done.
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