That would be "on" not "in" cuneiform thus invalidating this last e-mail. ----- Original Message ----- From: "No Data" To: Sent: Friday, August 03, 2001 12:21 PM Subject: Re: OT: Friday Funnie #2, Couldn't let this one go by!! [7:14826] > Im just about positive that Sanskrit was not written > in cuneiform thus invalidating this whole story. > > > Ben > > --- Natasha wrote: > > REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called "an > > unfortunate but > > necessary step to protect our intellectual property > > from theft and > > exploitation by > > competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the > > numbers one and > > zero Monday. > > > > With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited > > from manufacturing > > or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the > > mathematical > > building blocks of all > > computer languages and programs--unless a royalty > > fee of 10 cents per > > digit used is paid > > to the software giant. > > > > > > "Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones > > and zeroes ever > > since its inception in 1975," Gates told reporters. > > "For years, in the > > interest of the > > overall health of the computer industry, we > > permitted the free and > > unfettered use of our proprietary > > numeric systems. However, changing marketplace > > conditions and the > > increasingly > > predatory practices of certain competitors now leave > > us with no choice > > but to seek > > compensation for the use of our numerals." > > > > A number of major Silicon Valley players, including > > Apple Computer, > > Netscape and Sun Microsystems, said they will > > challenge the Microsoft > > patent as > > monopolistic and anti-competitive, claiming that the > > 10-cent-per-digit > > licensing fee > > would bankrupt them instantly. > > > > "While, technically, Java is a complex system of > > algorithms used to > > create a platform-independent programming > > environment, it is, at its > > core, just > > a string of trillions of ones and zeroes," said Sun > > Microsystems CEO > > Scott McNealy, whose > > company created the Java programming environment > > used in many Internet > > applications. > > "The licensing fees we'd have to pay Microsoft every > > day would be > > approximately > > 327,000 times the total net worth of this company." > > > > "If this patent holds up in federal court, Apple > > will have no choice > > but to convert to analog," said Apple interim CEO > > Steve Jobs, "and I > > have serious doubts whether > > this company would be able to remain competitive > > selling pedal-operated > > computers > > running software off vinyl LPs." > > > > As a result of the Microsoft patent, many other > > companies have begun > > radically revising their product lines: Database > > manufacturer Oracle has > > embarked on a > > crash program to develop "an abacus for the next > > millennium." Cisco, > > whose > > communications and networking systems are also > > subject to Microsoft > > licensing fees, is > > working with top animal trainers on a > > chimpanzee-based > > message-transmission system. > > Hewlett-Packard is developing a revolutionary new > > steam-powered printer. > > > > Despite the swarm of protest, Gates is standing his > > ground, > > maintaining that ones and zeroes are the undisputed > > property of > > Microsoft. > > > > > > > > Above: Gates explains the new patent to Apple > > Computer's board of > > directors. "We will vigorously enforce our patents > > of these numbers, as > > they are > > legally ours," Gates said. "Among Microsoft's vast > > historical archives > > are Sanskrit > > cuneiform tablets from 1800 B.C. clearly showing > > ones and a symbol known > > as 'sunya,' or nothing. > > We also own: papyrus scrolls written by Pythagoras > > himself in which he > > explains the > > idea of singular notation, or 'one'; early tracts by > > Mohammed ibn Musa > > al Kwarizimi > > explaining the concept of al-sifr, or 'the cipher'; > > original > > mathematical manuscripts by > > Heisenberg, Einstein and Planck; and a signed > > first-edition copy of > > Jean-Paul Sartre's Being > > And Nothingness. Should the need arise, Microsoft > > will have no > > difficulty proving to > > the Justice Department or anyone else that we own > > the rights to these > > numbers." > > > > Added Gates: "My salary also has lots of zeroes. I'm > > the richest man > > in the world." > > > > According to experts, the full ramifications of > > Microsoft's patenting > > of one and zero have yet to be realized. > > > > "Because all integers and natural numbers derive > > from one and zero, > > Microsoft may, by extension, lay claim to ownership > > of all mathematics > > and logic > > systems, including Euclidean geometry, pulleys and > > levers, gravity, and > > the basic > > Newtonian principles of motion, as well as the > > concepts of existence and > > nonexistence," Yale > > University theoretical mathematics professor J. > > Edmund Lattimore said. > > "In other words, > > pretty much everything." > > > > Lattimore said that the only mathematical constructs > > of which > > Microsoft may not be able to claim ownership are > > infinity and > > transcendental numbers like pi. > > Microsoft lawyers are expected to file liens on > > infinity and pi this > > week. > > > > Microsoft has not yet announced whether it will > > charge a user fee to > > individuals who wish to engage in such > > mathematically rooted motions as > > walking, stretching > > and smiling. > > > > In an address beamed live to billions of people > > around the globe > > Monday, Gates expressed confidence that his > > company's latest move will, > > ultimately, > > benefit all humankind. > > > > "Think of this as a partnership," Gates said. "Like > > the ones and > > zeroes of the binary code itself, we must all work > > together to make the > > promise of the computer > > revolution a reality. > > > > As the world's richest, most powerful software > > company, Microsoft is > > number one. And you, the millions of consumers who > > use our products, are > > the zeroes." > > -- > > Natasha Flazynski > > CCNA, MCSE > > http://www.ciscobot.com > > My Cisco information site. > > http://www.botbuilders.com > > Artificial Intelligence and Linux development > > ------------------------------------------------ > === message truncated === > > > __________________________________________________ > Do You Yahoo!? > Make international calls for as low as $.04/minute with Yahoo! 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