----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2003 6:00
PM
Subject: National ID # - Are we here
yet?
We are almost here I
think......
Operator:
"Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer:
"Hi, I'd like to order."
Operator: "May I have your NIDN first,
sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see
you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your
office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's
266-2566. But you are calling from 256-3421, which is your wife's cell
number...Correct?
Customer: "Ahhhh....yea. Where d'ya get all
this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir.
"
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-Meat Special pizzas..."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea,
sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records
indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high
cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy
choice."
Customer: "Darn! What do you recommend,
then?"
Operator:
"You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like
it"
Customer:
"What makes you think I'd like something like
that?"
Operator:
"Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last
week, sir. That's why I made the
suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family sized ones,
then. What's the damage?"
Operator: "That should be plenty for you,
your wife and your four kids, sir. Oh, wait, your oldest is away attending OSU
so there is just 5 of you at home. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh,
comes to $49.99."
Customer:
"Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid
you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its
limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your
driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir.
Your checking account's overdrawn."
Customer: "Never mind. Just send the
pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it
take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up, but carrying
pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little
awkward."
Customer: "How the heck do you know I'm riding a
bike?"
Operator:
"It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed.
But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using
it."
Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your
language, sir. You've already got a July 2003 conviction for cussing out a
cop."
Customer:
(Speechless)
Operator:
"Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't
forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the
pizzas."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause
prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics."
