You’re not reading what I wrote.
The situation I wrote about was a little different. The man in our dementia
unit had a wife in the same facility on our skilled unit. The family was
adamant that they did not want him being without another woman. I think that if
you ever got into the legalities of this (as we did with our lawyers), the
person must be able to say openly without suggestion that they want an intimate
relationship with the other. We found these residents in very inappropriate
ways in social setting. I was merely making a suggestion. Families don’t
always agree with their parent having relationships, what is new? But, usually
the disagreement comes, when the parent has the cognitive skills to make
reasonable decisions. I think that if you looked at their care plans and MDS
and they both were coded with decision making skills problems, then there may
be some issues. Just another way to look at it!
As far as the children, I have been in
that situation seeing my parent with someone else and my other parent still
alive. It is very hurtful and does bring out a lot of emotions. I’m
just saying that there is more than 1 way to skin a cat.
Brenda W. Chance, RN, RAC-C
MDS Coordinator
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-----Original Message-----
From: Nathan Lake
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 4:12
PM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: Re:
I have a problem with this. Should I
come to your house and monitor your personal activities just because I feel
they are inappropriate. Just because someone has Alzheimer's does not mean we
should stop them from being intimate. I disagree with you when you say you
don't have consenting adults. Unless the courts have found them incompetent,
they have all the rights of any other adult in our society. The courts
have repeatedly enforcing the rights of the mentally retarded to have
relationships, enter into marriage, and have children. How is this any
different? That is just the legal end of it. What about quality of life? If
both of these adults are finding some comfort in the intimacy, who is being
hurt? With the little time they may have left in this life, why shouldn't they
enjoy it.
As for the resident being
married...it is not the facility's job or responsibility to enforce the
legalities surrounding marriage. The same is true of the family. That may be
painful, but life can be that way sometimes.
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday,
April 20, 2004 12:47 PM
We had this
same situation that happened in our dementia unit as well. Only it went a
little farther than kissing on the cheek! And, also the
gentleman’s wife was a resident on our skilled unit and he didn’t
really remember who she was. We gradually separated them, little by
little because it was distressing for these families as well. We educated
the families that this happened with residents who were demented as well as
those who were oriented and in the real world. Sexual attraction never
stops as well as wanting to have a companion. Unfortunately,
with both of them being demented, you really don’t have 2 consenting
adults. This was the crux of our issue was well.
The families
assisted us somewhat in our plan and it has worked. We started involving
them in separate activities, did a lot of 1:1 time with each of them doing
hobbies specific to each one. We started having special time for the
women and then special time for the men. Gradually, they kind of forgot
who each other was.
I hate that
we had to do that. It was sad to me, because, in their minds, they were
young again in love. Now the resident that was on our skilled unit does
not know who her husband is and the other lady has been trying to make a new
boyfriend. Sounds like a soap opera, huh?????????????????????????
Brenda
W. Chance, RN, RAC-C
MDS
Coordinator
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-----Original Message-----
From: STEE,LAURIE
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 3:25
PM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject:
Does anyone have any good advice on
what the best way to handle two residents who believe that they are husband and
wife and it is very upsetting to their families when they visit to see them
together? This is in our alzheimers unit and they are really not
inappropriate other than they are not really married. Actions are like
holding hands, hugging, kissing on the cheek, and one time so far laying in bed
together. Thanks for your input and help!
Laurie Stee, RN
Sioux Valley Canby Campus Senior
Haven
507-223-7277 ext. 217
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