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In the
professional world as hard as it is for some of us , we are suppose to keep
these kinds of judgements out of the decision making and use standards of
practice and the law and possibly successful precedence. How I feel
things should be done does not make it the answer to the problem. I
certainly hear what you are saying but morality can not be the application
for solving the problem. Together with surveyors and family input a
reasonable care plan could be made. Dementia is forgetfulness. Just
as we care plan for all other activities and care it would probably be best to
care plan with safety and quality of care in mind. As with any
behavior care plan work through the steps of the RAP get in a group and
state the perceived problem, the goal and then the approaches. Family
needs to be educated on dementia perhaps and the family's feelings
addressed. This is a hard one.
One more statement, no it is not the
facility's job to keep the bonds of marriage intact, but, maybe, you are
different than me. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and if you
knew this gentlemen when he was not cognitively impaired, then you would know
that he would not have courting another woman with his wife alive. I
believe that we do have the job of living moral lives and that extends into
our jobs at times. There was no way that we were going to say to a
family that it was okay for their father to be intimate with another
woman while their mother was alive. Sometimes you just have to do what
is right and not what feels good.
Brenda W. Chance,
RN, RAC-C
MDS
Coordinator
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-----Original
Message-----
From: Nathan
Lake [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 4:12
PM
To:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject:
Re:
I have a problem with this. Should
I come to your house and monitor your personal activities just because I feel
they are inappropriate. Just because someone has Alzheimer's does not mean we
should stop them from being intimate. I disagree with you when you say you
don't have consenting adults. Unless the courts have found them incompetent,
they have all the rights of any other adult in our society. The courts
have repeatedly enforcing the rights of the mentally retarded to
have relationships, enter into marriage, and have children. How is this any
different? That is just the legal end of it. What about quality of life? If
both of these adults are finding some comfort in the intimacy, who is being
hurt? With the little time they may have left in this life, why shouldn't they
enjoy it.
As for the resident being
married...it is not the facility's job or responsibility to enforce the
legalities surrounding marriage. The same is true of the family. That may be
painful, but life can be that way sometimes.
----- Original Message -----
Sent:
Tuesday, April 20, 2004 12:47 PM
We had this
same situation that happened in our dementia unit as well. Only it went a
little farther than kissing on the cheek! And, also the
gentleman's wife was a resident on our skilled unit and he didn't really
remember who she was. We gradually separated them, little by little
because it was distressing for these families as well. We educated the
families that this happened with residents who were demented as well as
those who were oriented and in the real world. Sexual attraction never
stops as well as wanting to have a companion.
Unfortunately, with both of them being demented, you really
don't have 2 consenting adults. This was the crux of our issue was
well.
The families
assisted us somewhat in our plan and it has worked. We started
involving them in separate activities, did a lot of 1:1 time with each of
them doing hobbies specific to each one. We started having special
time for the women and then special time for the men. Gradually, they
kind of forgot who each other was.
I hate that
we had to do that. It was sad to me, because, in their minds, they
were young again in love. Now the resident that was on our skilled
unit does not know who her husband is and the other lady has been trying to
make a new boyfriend. Sounds like a soap opera,
huh?????????????????????????
Brenda W. Chance,
RN, RAC-C
MDS
Coordinator
CONFIDENTIALITY
NOTICE: This e-mail message, including any attachments,
is
for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential
and
privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or
distribution
is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please
contact
the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original
message.
-----Original
Message-----
From:
STEE,LAURIE [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 3:25
PM
To:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject:
Does anyone have any good advice
on what the best way to handle two residents who believe that they are
husband and wife and it is very upsetting to their families when they visit
to see them together? This is in our alzheimers unit and they are
really not inappropriate other than they are not really married.
Actions are like holding hands, hugging, kissing on the cheek, and one
time so far laying in bed together. Thanks for your input and
help!
Laurie Stee, RN
Sioux Valley Canby Campus Senior
Haven
507-223-7277 ext.
217
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