I just want to thank you for your condolences. I am trying so hard to not let the stress get the best of me but my whole life has been stressful...STRESS is my middle name. I honestly do believe that stress contributed to my getting CML. I was trying to work part-time, I had mother to care for and I was also helping take care of my sister-in-law who had a debilating auto-immune disease called polymyositis(not sure on that correct spelling) and also fibromylgia. She is now in remission after a year and 1/2 of 2 kinds of chemo and steroid treatment. I stayed with her usually 3 days a week while her husband was at work, and her sister went the days I wasn't there. It was most stressful. My sister-in-law who is near 70 now had never been really sick in her life except for a minor heart related problem and she was a terrible patient. The pain made her absolutely crazy, the steroids not only made her gain weight but often caused her to go in rages where she cursed God for deserting her and begging to die, the polymyositis attacks your muscles and she could barely walk, could not get up and down out of a wheelchair or bed. I waited on her totally hand and foot, did all her housework, cooking, washing etc, ect. My husband cared for my mother during the hours I was not here, my son did most of the housework. I would cook enough at my sister-in-laws to bring home for my family for dinner. There was a lot of tears shed and gritting my teeth to cope with her emotional outbursts of crying and rage. It was a tramatic experience.
After being diagnosed with CML in late Nov. 2003, my husband left me in Feb. 2004. I was totally devasated and to be honest, the pain is still vivid even though after 6 months, he did come back to me. He claims he did not leave me due to my illness, but due to his relationship with my son, who was a codeine addict and he claims he just could not bear another moment of the agony my son imposed on him, on us. Well, I just don't find it justified as my son had done nothing and there was no chaos going on at the time. I just feel he could not bear to remain with me, perhaps I should die. I don't know exactly to be honest but he wanted me to kick my son out of the house, and I absolutely refused and he left. He feels I chose my son over him which I feel, I was not the one making a choice. He did. My husband Jim has always been the strongest person, he has endured constant pain for much of the 15 years we have been together, endured 7 surgeries, one major, the removal of his right kidney, always reacts super well in times of emergency, Mr. Fix It around the house when he was physically able, at the time he left he was doing the majority of care for my elderly mother, as I was adjusting to the Gleevec and spent most of most days in bed. He left me here with no car, no income other than a small SS check my mother got as I had not gotten my disability yet. I truly believe if I had not been sick, feeling sorry for myself, and tramatized by my son catching our kitchen on fire and we came close to losing our home that I would have never taken him back. I feel as though he deserted me at a time that I needed him most, and our vows said in sickness and in health of which I kept my half of the vow. I stood by him through all his illnesses, surgeries...we practically lived in the ER prior to him having his kidney removed. I have to give him honor for all he did for my mother, and try to be greatful that although he did leave me for a short period(longest 6 months of my life) that he did return to me and our marriage and he's been wonderful to me since then and was before he left. I don't know what to say except that everyone deals with emotions differently, some face things head on, some run, some withdraw into themselves. Please know that your husband has a lot on his plate right now, a sick wife with CML, a father with cancer. I tend to lean on people in this group, my family, friends, God but I have to be strong for myself, my disabled husband, my son who has addiction issues as well as mental and emotional related problems, my beloved mother whom I have been taking care of every day since Aug 1999, and even before that when mother lived alone at home, as my father had passed in 1991 I did most of her housework, all of her business affairs, etc. After acquiring stress induced CML, I still have maintained being the "rock", the "foundation" for my family. I still handle all the business details, shopping, the problem solver, peacekeeper, comforting my son during his 120 days of being caged up like an animal, fighting the system to get him in rehab, to get him released early, comforting my husband when he is sick or in pain, being at his side when he is having surgery, doctor and ER visits BUT....BUT he has not done this for me. He's been to a few doctor's visits, but notice I say a few. He never leaves the house unless it is to go to a doctor's appointment, and he does go with me to see his sister every once in a blue moon. I've learned in life the only ones I can truly depend on are firstmost God, our heavenly saviour, and ME, MYSELF & I. Thats it. Find other good in your husband...be thankful he hasn't left you. Think of where you would be without him. Sometimes we expect too much of others, things we do, how we do them isn't everyone else's way. Everyone doesn't cope alike. I understand your feelings totally, I've been there too. Do you and your husband have good communication? Talk about things with each other. What you feel, what you need, what he feels, what he needs. If necessary and affordable, if it becomes a real issue, consider therapy. If I can be of any help to you, please email me at any time, let me know I'll email you my number if you just need someone to talk to who knows your pain (because I've lived it.) It was not my intentions to post this long of a message and I was not trying to pry in your life, my words of effort were to try to help you in some way. Forgive me, everyone for such a long post. I should have emailed Livia privately, but oh well, it's too late now anyhoo! You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that things will get better and your father-in-law beats his battle with cancer. Love, Peace, Hope & Prayers, Pat --- In [email protected], livia klescova <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Hi dear Pat, > > I wish you will get through this difficult period of time soon. I am sorry to hear about your mom, but please do not stress yourself too much. I know it is easy to say, but I personally think that CML has something to do with the stress. You don't need that. It is easy to say, hard to do.... to get over something what hurts so much. Anyway here we are, all your brothers and sisters share those bad moments with you. One days those moments will be gone and I wish soon.... That's what I am waiting for too:) > I also feel sorry for your son. I am young (27 yrs) and all the time I see that young people have problems with alcohol, drugs, etc. I just wonder why? Why are they doing it? There is no answer, but seeing such a great mom you are, I am sure your son needs to find you as his support, that's why me and I am sure all of us will pray for strength for you, because your son needs to feel it from you. I know it, because I do not feel it from my husband. He can't get over my disease and his father suffering from cancer as well. He just received a very bad report from the doctor and I need to be here for him, support him, hug him and pray with him, because he needs it. I hate it, I need someone who is stronger then me, but .... this situation has to make me be stronger. > Have a nice day, > Always in prayers, > Livia > > > > Patricia <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > It is with much sorrow, pain and shock that I must tell you, my 83 yr > old mother passed away tonight at appr. 10:15pm. I have been up all > night and it is 6am and I muust be at the funeral home at 9:30. I've > also got to contact jail officials early as posssible so that they > might let my son come out to see his grandmother one last time. I've > finally made the decision to have her cremated so that I can always > have her with me. My son just finished a 28 day rehab and was returned > to jail on Monday. He comes up for review Thursday and will most > likely get to get out on time served. I know he is going to be totaly > devastated and if she could have lived 2 days more, he would have been > home here with her before she passed. I am in so much pain, I just ask > that everyone please pray for me to give me morer strength to endure > this. I am so concerned about my son, he has endured so much in the > past 5 months, and his mind is in a state of recovery from addiction > and being confined behind bars, and now he's lost his Granny that he > loved dearly. I am also concerned for my well being as well as I am in > so much pain and stress over the losss of my mama, and I've also got > some other health issues other than the CML going on. Doctors > suspected gallstones but the ultrasound results came back ok so it's > more tests and preocedures ahead of me. Please think of me in your > prayers. > Love, Peace, Hope & Prayers, Pat > > > > > > New! Sign up for local CML support group meetings in your local community at http://cml.meetup.com > > Apply for Commercial Real Estate loans online and submit your deal to dozens of hungry lenders in just minutes. 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