Dear Katy, You shouldn't feel the need to apologize for coming here to vent. I'm sure that even those among us who don't share your religious convictions do not think you're stupid or offensive or infuriating. (Full disclosure: I'm a Christian, too, but I wasn't always, and even when I wasn't I always had respect for those who were. You've come to this group in a way that's very respectful of others' beliefs -- or lack thereof -- so I'm sure that respect is mutual.)
I know there's probably very little I can say that will make you feel immediately better, but I'll try. I'm 42 but I certainly remember what it's like to be 16, to want to be your own person, to question the beliefs and attitudes of your parents, to want to find out who you are, free from the viewpoints that your parents have foisted on you your whole life (that's how a 16 year old sees it anyway). Your son may, in time, decide that he is a Christian. Or he may not. Either way, though, you should not beat yourself up for not taking him to church or doing more to ensure his continuing faith. At some point we all lose control over our children and they insist on finding out who they are for themselves. That's totally normal and I doubt you'd want it any other way. I have children and I know that I want them to discover who they are in the same way that I did. (They may look at me and decide that I was right to become a Christian, so that they want to be one too. On the other hand, they may very well look at me and draw the lesson that Dad changed who he was, so we are all free to change who we are and we want to be something else! I might hope for the first result, but I'd be a hypocrite if I criticized them for choosing the second.) All we can ever do is our best -- and that's true whether we're talking about conveying faith, or morals, or anything else. I know it's hard, but the most constructive thing you can do is to let your son become who he will become. We all have free will, and that includes the freedom to doubt or to disbelieve. If you badger him about it, you'll almost certainly drive him further away. If you show patience and respect for this developing views, you'll be a shining example of Christian faith and forebearance. He will appreciate that, and possibly be moved by it, so much more than by your disapproval and anguish. Most of us are works in progress. Sometimes we have faith, sometimes we question our faith, sometimes we lose faith, sometimes we regain it. I don't think most people -- even people who consider themselves religious believers -- are always consistent in who they are and what they believe. I also believe that doubt can coexist with faith. (Even Jesus experienced doubt, asking his Father, on the cross, why he had forsaken him.) Your son is no different. He's a work in progress. He's being human. My own belief is that God doesn't reject or punish us for running from him. He made us the way we are -- including by giving us our freedom and our inclination to hide from him -- and he loves us anyway. He's patient and loving and he's happy to have us back whenever we want to come back. (Think prodigal son.) I suppose I've blathered on quite enough by now. Like you, I hope I haven't offended anyone by what I've said. I hope I might have said something that's helpful to you. I pray that you find peace despite what you're going through now. Warmest regards. David (Dov . . . which is Hebrew for "Dave") --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ [CMLHope] A support group of http://cmlhope.com ------------------------------------------------- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "CMLHope" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/CMLHope -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
