Just wanted to check in with everyone. I am saddened that there is such little communication amongst the group these past months, but I guess I shouldn't be one to complain because I have not participated near enough myself. What is going on? I know there was some conflict sometime back and someone started another group. Has everyone deserted this one and went to it or what? Something happened to our computer and I've lost some things but my hubby has been working relentlessly and has recovered some things. Anyway, I still have not reached my zero mark.I am basically at a standstill. I am having other health problems. I think I've told everyone already I am now battling COPD. My appetite decreased so much when I started taking Gleevec and now it is non-existent. I have to force down what little I do eat. I basically live off of cereal and soup and as soon as I take 2 or 3 bites and it hits my stomach, I can't even make it to the bathroom. I have dirrhea constantly. If I take my lotomil, then I'm constipated. I was having so much trouble with my stomach, my primary doctor ordered a cat scan which found nothing. I am a smoker and I am constantly quitting and restarting. I've been on and off of the chantix(the quit smoking pill) and the nausea from it was just horrific. None of my doctors can tell me if maybe I shouldn't be taking it with the Gleevec. Not being able to quit and stay quit is causing me severe depression. I know how extremely important it is for me to quit. I'm also going through early menopause which I am told is probably caused by the leukemia and this too has been a terrible experience. I am under so much stress...fininacial problems, a sick husband and a grown son who is bipolar just to name a few. I broke down at my last visit with my cml specialist and he wants me to try the sprycel, wrote me a script which I haven't filled yet as my primary doctor was wanting to see what issues I had with my stomach and I wanted to see what come of that before I changed over. I really wanted to tough it out with the Gleevec in spite of all it does to me so I would have the sprycel to turn to should the Gleevec stop working. I'm just a basket case. I'm now sleep deprived. Just cannot get in that 3rd stage of sleep...I don't know if this is related to the COPD or what? My primary doctor who 3 years ago was so wonderful has so many patients now, he might spend 5 minutes with me, walks out while I am still talking, doesn't get my scripts right...he's just in such a hurry all the time. I just feel like giving up sometimes. I would love to hear from all of you and know how you are. I really could use some comforting encouragement, support right now....or just to hear how well your situation is going would give me inspiration. I know I can expect some criticism about the smoking...it won't hurt my feelings...I've heard it all already. I've never asked this question before but are there any smokers among the group, if so would you please email me privately. I know if you are a smoker, you may fear ridicule, but it will be kept private between the two of us...and I'm not fearful of ridicule. I know only too well how I am killing myself. I've already been told COPD will probably be my death sentence rather than CML. I've never been a drug user, smoked a little weed back in the day, not a drinker but I have a horrendous addiction to cigerettes. I'm shameful but I'm honest. Hope to hear from some of you soon. If you think of me,please pray for me. I'm starting the patch tomorrow. It is not the first time, but I pray this will be the last time I have to wear them. Love, Peace, Hope & Prayers, Pat Reynolds
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