Moin!
Because I'm a Man
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer
and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman.
You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries
at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic
items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same
thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up
anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I.
guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it
back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to
make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is
okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for my mother too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if
you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least
remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is
fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking,
the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...
like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden
with a beer wondering what to do.
Bernd
"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." - Henry
Youngman.
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