Colext/Macondo Cantina virtual de los COLombianos en el EXTerior -------------------------------------------------- Cualquier parecido con la realidad es pura coincidencia. TO: ALL EMPLOYEES SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY SICKNESS: No excuses. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need surgery. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have, and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. DEATH (OTHER THAN YOUR OWN): This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence. DEATH (YOUR OWN): This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement. MISCELLANEOUS: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. We appreciate your cooperation, THE MANAGEMENT Understanding Your Paycheck Gross pay: $1,222.02 Income Tax: $244.40 Outgo Tax: $45.21 State Tax: $61.10 Interstate Tax: $5.89 County Tax: $6.11 City Tax: $12.22 Rural Tax: $4.44 Back Tax: $1.11 Front Tax: $1.16 Side Tax: $1.61 Up Tax: $2.22 Down Tax: $1.11 Tic-Tacs: $1.98 Thumbtacks: $3.93 Carpet Tacks: $.98 Stadium Tax: $.69 Flat Tax: $8.32 Surtax: $3.46 Ma'am Tax: $2.60 Parking Fee: $5.00 No Parking Fee: $10.00 F.I.C.A.: $81.88 T.G.I.F.: $9.95 Life Insurance: $5.85 Health Insurance: $16.23 Disability: $2.50 Ability: $.25 Liability: $3.41 Dental Insurance: $4.50 Mental Insurance: $4.33 Reassurance: $.11 Coffee: $6.85 Coffee Cups: $66.51 Calendar: $3.06 Floor Rental: $16.85 Chair Rental: $.32 Desk Rental: $4.32 Union Dues: $5.85 Union Don'ts: $3.77 Cash Advances: $.69 Cash Retreats: $121.35 Overtime: $1.26 Undertime: $54.83 Eastern Time: $9.00 Central Time: $8.00 Mountain Time: $7.00 Pacific Time: $6.00 GMT: $24.00 Bath Time: $4.44 Time Out: $12.21 Oxygen: $10.02 Water: $16.54 Electricity: $38.23 Heat: $51.42 Air: $46.83 Miscellaneous: $150.01 Take Home Pay: $0000.02 (This is where the expression "my 2 cents" came from...) ----------------------------------------- To unsubscribe send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] with UNSUBSCRIBE COLEXT in the BODY of the message.
