MEMORANDUM: It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the headquarters have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers Therefore, a list of preferred new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees. PREFERRED: Perhaps I can work late. OLD: When the hell do you expect me to do this? PREFERRED: I'm certain that it's not feasible. OLD: No fucking way. PREFERRED: Really? OLD: You've got to be shitting me. PREFERRED: Perhaps you should check with.... OLD: Tell someone who gives a shit. PREFERRED: Of course I'm concerned OLD: Ask me if I give a damn. PREFERRED: I wasn't involved in that project. OLD: Its not my fucking problem. PREFERRED: That's interesting behavior. OLD: What the hell?!?! PREFERRED: I'm not sure I can implement this. OLD: Fuck it, it won't work. PREFERRED: I'll try to schedule that. OLD: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner? PREFERRED: Are you sure this is a problem? OLD: Who gives a damn? PREFERRED: He's not familiar with the problem. OLD: He's got his head up his ass. PREFERRED: Excuse me sir? OLD: Eat shit and die motherfucker. PREFERRED: So you weren't happy with it? OLD: Kiss my royal ass. PREFERRED: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment. OLD: Fuck it, I'm on salary. PREFERRED: I don't think you understand. OLD: Shove it! PREFERRED: I love a challenge. OLD: This job sucks. PREFERRED: You want me to take care of that? OLD: Who the hell died and made you boss? PREFERRED: I see. OLD: Blow me. PREFERRED: Yes, we really should discuss it. OLD: Another fucking meeting!!!! PREFERRED: I don't think this will be a problem. OLD: I really don't give a shit. PREFERRED: He's somewhat insensitive. OLD: He's a prick. PREFERRED: She's an aggressive go getter. OLD: She's a ball busting bitch. PREFERRED: I think you could use more training. OLD: You don't know what the fuck you're doing. Thanks for your cooperation... THE MANAGEMENT
