On Thu, 2009-09-10 at 13:12 -0700, Brolin Empey wrote: > Hello list, > > Like most of the members of this list (AFAICT from the first names I > recognise as sex/gender-specific), I am male. I am 22 and still live .... I feel ya buddy. I'm born and raised in Vancouver and have had some of your problems on top of others. I'm fairly geeky, and have the same interests as you do (like everything from xkcd to the scene stuff- except maybe the computer music though electronic music one of my favourite genres. we'de make good buddies). I haven't had the best of luck with women, I'm fairly picky as it seems you are too. It's not easy finding women who share our interests, but there are things that have definitely helped in my life that I'm sure will be beneficial to you.
First off, there is some general reading. A book called The Game by Neil Straus is an excellent starting point. Start digging into the pickup artist communities works- Mystery Method, David Deangelo, Zan (Vancouver guy too). These guys were all terrible with women at some point in their lives (or so they claim, most seem genuine though others are dubious) and they share what turned them around. There are many other names and good works, I'll be happy to give you more details if you want it. Do not take everything they say seriously, but they have lots of tips and analysis that can greatly aide you in social interaction. Read these books with an open mind, but I can tell you that they make sweeping generalizations about women that are not necessarily true for all of them. Mystery method will explain in great deal how to hold a conversation with a random person, it won't do everything but it essentially teaches how to converse. Give it a read, take what parts of his style you like, leave the parts you do not want to use but at least give it a shot. The times women have fallen for me, I have been confident, energetic and chatty. Never in my life has a women been attracted to me when I was tired (or just quite), un-assured, and dull. The other thing that killed my relationships earlier on was neediness. Being needy can kill any attraction *so* fast. This may not be a reflection on women, but rather the type of woman that I attract. It can be difficult to gain confidence and be energetic when you've spent most of your life being the exact opposite, but these are traits that come through self improvement. I would highly recommend Toastmasters for public speaking. This is an indirect way to shoot up your confidence- and you'll come out a great public speaker. Believe it or not, there are geek hangouts in Vancouver. Start volunteering and hanging out at Free Geek. They do ethical computer recycling (Commercial and Hastings area, freegeekvancouver.org for lots of info). There are like 1500 people in their volunteer database, and lots of girl geeks who volunteer (lots on a relative scale, obviously there are more males there at any given time). I've seen some attractive women at Van HackSpace, though I haven't been to too many events, http://vancouver.hackspace.ca/doku.php I've heard The Hackery is pretty fun too, how many women show up i'm not too sure, but I've heard girl geeks chill there. I don't know if you've done any post-secondary studies, but UBC and SFU are hotbeds for girl geeks. If you want to do the club thing, go to pit night at UBC's Pit Pub and start talking to random girls, girl geeks come in all shapes and sizes- some of them club too! Otherwise check out the more geek oriented events like the Computer Club. Since you like biking, start hanging out with the bike community. I'm not really a part of it, but I know on good authority girl geeks are part of it. Critical Mass takes place, I think the first Friday of the month, lots of geeky girls there. There's quite a few events that I can't think of off the top of my head, send me an e-mail and I'll keep you posted on what's going on in Vancouver. Know what you want in a partner. From reading your post it seems you want a long term relationship, but be aware of what you are actually looking for. If you just want to fuck, stop caring about interests and start hitting clubs, raves, random venues. Sexual attraction and having things in common are not mutually exclusive. You like computer music and there is a pretty decent electronic scene in Vancouver, you just have to know where to look. Yes, there are women who will have sex with you, even casual sex, despite any problems you think you might have. Know that drugs are usually a part of this scene and if you're not comfortable with that, it's going to seriously limit your fun. This is not for everybody and maybe you'll venture there in time. The last thing I can think of right now, and it is key, you *have* to talk to women. The only way you're going to find a girl with similar interests, besides blind luck or a friend who happens to know a women exactly like you, is by talking to lots of random girls. By random, i don't mean at the club or on the street (seriously though, both paces are great to meet "normal" girls, there's just fewer geeky girls- I'm talking like Robson st or Metrotown), but girls at the events that interest you. I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and guess that you've never approached a women you didn't know- but this will greatly help in your search for a partner. The hardest thing for some about approaching a women is being rejected, and it can create alot of "approach anxiety" but it is something you just have to get over. I still get approach anxiety and haven't met as many women in the last couple years as I did when I first started doing random approaches, but it's the only way I've gotten dates (minus two girls I met through friends). I think this was said in another post, but i'll give you my view anyway- the reason most of your peers with the same interests are male is that there are more of us with these interests. There are many women out there with these interests, but you're just not encoutering them or you are and are ignoring them. You cannot tell through looks. I'll admit it's more likely this type of girl has glasses, but many wear contact lenses ;) Start talking to more women and you'll see there are all kinds out there! FYI, I read your entire post (I'm an information junkey) I have a feeling you'll read mine in it's entirety as well. I too do not like posting this much personal info. I didn't post as much as you did, yet I'm still considering sending this to you privately. Unfortunatly, there is just no way to take out the personal info and still have posts like these have meaning. Besides, there are people even more shy than you are and this type of information can be a great deal of benefit to them. Take care and good luck. _______________________________________________ Openmoko community mailing list [email protected] http://lists.openmoko.org/mailman/listinfo/community
