At 06:24 PM 1/3/2008, Tom Piwowar <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Please discontinue my subscription.
Instructions for unsubscribing are in the information block at the bottom
of every post.
But you'd have to be terminally stupid to follow them. Ignore
Tom-Tom, and pay attention to your Uncle Bob, instead. OK? Listen up, rotcheer:
1. First, ask your Internet Service Provider to mail you a Computer
Guys Unsubscribing Kit for the ZIP Code in which you plan to terminate your
subscription, and then take it, a bag lunch, and clean underwear (the
benefits of having these items will soon become crystal clear) to the
Unsubscribing Center in, or closest to, that ZIP Code. The address(es) of
the appropriate center(s) will be contained in the kit you receive. You'll
be comforted to know that ISP's are governed by a number of stringent
federal criminal statutes which require their compliance with the requests
of people who want to unsub. Simply put: If you want to unsub, and your ISP
jerks you around because of it, the feds will be all over them like a cheap
suit. Mess with you, and the feds will be on your ISP like a duck on a June
bug.
2. Take your kit, lunch, and underwear to the unsub chambers assigned
to you when you check in at the Center to which you go. [DO NOT let the
staff tell you they can "hold" any of these items for you while you go
through the unsub process. Let the staff "hold" your lunch, or, in some
cases, your underwear, and you'll never see it/them again.] The kit will
most likely be the standard no-fault type. Depending on requirements,
System A and/or System B can be used. When operating System A, depress
lever and a plastic dalkron unsubscriber will be dispensed through the slot
immediately underneath. When you have fastened the adhesive lip, attach
connection marked by the large "X" outlet hose. Twist the silver-colored
ring, located one inch below the connection point, until you feel it lock.
3. The kit is now ready for use. The Cin-Eliminator is activated by
the small switch on the lip, although some models have replaced the switch
with a button. When securing, twist the ring back to its initial condition,
so that the two orange lines meet. Disconnect. Place the dalkron
unsubscriber in the vacuum receptacle to the rear. Activate by pressing the
blue button.
4. The controls for System B are located on the opposite side. The
red release switch places the Cin-Eliminator into position; it can be
adjusted manually up or down by pressing the blue manual release button.
The opening is self-adjusting. To secure after use, press the green button,
which simultaneously activates the evaporator and returns the
Cin-Eliminator to its storage position.
5. You may unsubscribe if, and only if, the green exit light is on
over the evaporator. If the red light is illuminated, one of the
Cin-Eliminator requirements has not been properly implemented. Press the
"List Guy" call button on the right side of the evaporator. He will either
instruct you on what step(s) you have not properly taken, or he will secure
all facilities from his control panel.
6. To use the Auto-Unsub, first undress and place all your clothes in
the clothes rack. Put on the velcro slippers located in the cabinet
immediately below. Enter the shower, taking the entire kit with you. On the
control panel to your upper right upon entering you will see a "Shower
Seal" button. Press to activate. A green light will then be illuminated
immediately below. On the intensity knob, select the desired setting. Now
depress the Auto-Unsub activation lever. Bathe normally.
7. The Auto-Unsub will automatically go off after three minutes,
unless you first activate the "Manual Off" override switch by flipping it
up. When you are ready to leave, press the blue "Shower Seal Release"
button. The door will open and you may leave. Please remove the velcro
slippers and place them in their container.
8. If you prefer the ultrasonic log-off mode, press the indicated
blue button. When the twin panels open, pull forward by rings A & B. The
knob to the left, just below the blue light, has three settings, low,
medium, and high. For normal use, the medium setting is suggested, but, if
you have previously had difficulty unsubbing, or if you have an elevated
Luddite score, you might obtain better results with the "high" setting.
9. After these settings have been made, you can activate the device
by switching to the "ON" position the clearly marked red switch. If, during
the unsubscribing operation, you wish to change the settings, place the
"Manual Off" override switch in the "OFF" position. You may now make the
change and repeat the cycle. When the green exit light goes on, you may log
off and have lunch. Please turn out the lights and close the door behind
you. It is not necessary to tip the staff, even if, or particularly if,
they suggest otherwise. If they insist upon a tip, you are free tell them
to buy Microsoft stock.
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.17.13/1208 - Release Date: 1/3/2008 3:52 PM
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