I must say that I am very disappointed to hear that male dancers are still
attempting to forcibly split female couples up so that men don't have to sit
out or dance with other men. We need to figure out whether this desire for
these actions is somehow steeped in "tradition" or whether it is based in some
sort of discomfort that some men have in being in a swing with other men, which
some see as some sort of intimate embrace.
One of the things that I have learned that gender free dances do is to create a
safe space for all to dance with people of all genders in both roles. That
safety and inclusiveness is definitely not a hallmark when two women choose to
dance with each other and men are trying to split them up. This shouldn't be
happening even if the role terms are gendered, because we want people to have
the ability to dance with the partner of their choice, regardless of reason.
I think in this era of contra dancing, the mid 2020s, that all people who
contra dance should *expect* to encounter people of the same gender as a
neighbor, and act in an inclusive manner, and that might mean swinging. That's
even if they choose to only dance with people of other genders in the gents
role only. Unless your dance is completely heteronormative in that same-gender
dancing is frowned upon, in which case it's not an inclusive dance because it
excludes people who wish to dance either role for whatever reason.
I'm not sure where the notion of male/female couples being "traditional" came
from, but it totally reminds me of the argument for "traditional" marriage
(meaning one man, one woman) as an excuse to ban same-gender marriages. We
need to be accepting of all forms of coupling on the dance floor if we aim to
be an inclusive dance form.
Perry
On Tuesday, March 12, 2024 at 07:51:02 AM EDT, Louise Siddons via Contra
Callers <[email protected]> wrote:
Colin wrote:
I wasn't going to get involved in all this, but I have to side with Ken Panton
- I'm a man and I certainly prefer
dancing with women. And I very much enjoy dancing with Louise Siddons even
though she may generally have a different preference.
It always surprises me when people bring sexuality into this conversation, even
though at this point I should know better. I enjoy dancing with Colin, just as
I enjoy dancing with anyone who is a good dancer (or making a good-faith
effort, or having a tonne of fun) and an interesting, kind, thoughtful human
being, and I am pleased that we are friends both on and off the dance floor.
When he (or anyone) asks me to dance, my first thought is not “oh good, I'm
sexually attracted to this person” — it’s “oh good, this will be fun!”
Recently at a contra dance I was separated from my partner, a woman, by two men
who didn’t want to dance with each other and perceived my partner and I as
acceptable alternatives. I was visibly upset by it and declined to dance at
all; I am not a commodity). One of the men came over afterwards to apologise
(as did my partner; older than me and not in her home community, I think she
felt more social pressure to accede). He explained that he knew how I felt
because he “has a daughter like you” — meaning, lesbian. I explained back to
him that I wasn’t upset because I’m a lesbian, I was upset because I had asked
someone to dance, they had accepted, and that agreement had been disregarded in
deference to two men’s discomfort. To be honest, I am squicked out by the idea
that someone looks at me dancing with another person and thinks first of my
sexuality — that’s a creepy worldview in the context of contra dancing.
There are dance communities determined to hold onto a heterocentric model, and
that’s their choice — but we are, as a society, attempting to heal from a long
— but ultimately quite recent — history of toxic gender models and so I think
it’s a bad choice. Men being afraid or disgusted to touch other men is a social
illness, not something to preserve or protect. Based on people’s comments in
this discussion, gender-free dance communities understand, consciously or
otherwise, that contra dance is a collective enterprise, that we are all
dancing with each other, and that the community is healthier when it doesn’t
put limits around how that happens. Friends can dance with each other — yes,
even if they’re men! — and family members, and strangers, and lovers can all
dance with each other, and they can bring different aspects of themselves to
every interaction within the dance, whether with partner or neighbour.
Louise.
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