-Caveat Lector-

Polls Say Poles Are Polarized
=============================

(CNNS, 01/31/99) -- Polls conducted by Inky Blot Polls, Inc. show
that Poles are polarized over the issue of polls.

Orak L. Delphi, president of Inky Blot, in an interview conducted
by   this   news  service,  exposited  on  the  findings  of  his
organization.  He says that, according  to polls conducted by his
researchers, Polish Americans are  widely  divided  in  how  much
credibility  they  give  to  polls  in  general.   "Half of Poles
automatically accept poll results.  Half of Poles are skeptical,"
said Delphi.

According to Delphi, many Poles question the methodology of polls
and would like independent oversight over all aspects of polling.
These skeptical Poles  are  concerned  that  poll  results  wield
tremendous  power  over  the  nation's  business,  and  could  be
corrupted.   "For  example,  a  major criticism is, what specific
questions are asked, how are they asked, and what is the sequence
of the questions themselves," said Delphi.

A further weakness in polls lies  in possible bias by those doing
the grunt  work  of  asking  the  questions  and  tabulating  the
responses.   These  low-wage employees are especially susceptible
to bribery, say some Poles.

Overall, the skeptical  group  of  Poles were extremely concerned
over the great power exercised by those conducting  polls.   "The
polls  have  become almost legislative in their effect," said one
Pole.  "We rely less on carefully monitored elections and more on
spurious polls to guide our  nation.  But there is no independent
oversight being done.  This situation is a glaring invitation  to
corruption."

But the Poles are polarized.  Half of Poles unquestioningly trust
whatever the polls say.  "This is science," said a trusting Pole.
"Science is God. How dare anyone doubt or question science."

Professor  Stew  Pendus,  Mr. Delphi's scientific advisor at Inky
Blot Polls, Inc., agreed.  "The  percentiles of the quartiles and
the theta of the omega are almost  beyond  probability  (plus  or
minus 3 percent) of error.  If people can't understand that, then
they ought to just trust me."

"After all," added  Professor  Pendus,  modestly  alluding to the
initials which follow his name (Ph.D., LL.D., J.D.,  M.S.,  B.S.,
R.I.P.), "I am an expert."

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