-Caveat Lector- What is life without a sense of humour ? could this be the ultimate conspiracy - only the CTRL list can tell me :) Andrew Hennessey THE ANCIENT ORDER OF SANTAS HELPERS The Secret Commonwealth of Freegnomery. t What is the Ultimate Conspiracy ? t How quickly can you get to the big secrets and learn the meaning of life ? t Why is the World the way it is ? t Who or What is pulling the Strings ? t Where and how can I get Help ? t When is the payback ? The ANSWERS to those questions can be found in the following pages for those who have eyes to see ............ THE SECRET COMMONWEALTH, Of FreeGnomery - and The Ancient Order of Santas Helpers For 10,000 years and more the sound of busy little people hard at work has been echoing through the lands of Santas Grotto. Chip,chip, hammer, hammer, saw, saw, the busy little Gnomes have been helping Santa fill his sled, seldom looking up at the stars or seeing the dawn, those happy little people have been delving and burrowing, carving their happy little toys for Santa, Their brightly painted toys bringing joy to the hearts of the Children of the Galaxy ['Gnome wasn't built in a day - maybe two or three' Technician ELOHIM GENETICS DEPT ] [In his red suit and beaming red eyes, Satan/Santa claws says Ho Ho Ho as he loads up his freighter ...] Ho Ho Ho beams Santa, as his anti-gravity sled is loaded by Santas little helpers - then he's off to the stars, his freighter downloading the EEC winelake that he tasted himself, his face as red as his suit, or that important collection of DaVincis for the little ET who has none. And the little ET who wanted a trainset gets 100 Eastern Pacific locomotives made on the Clyde - taken from storage in the Grotto where they had been wrapped last century. 1 Meanwhile, back at the workshop; Sleepy, Grumpy, Dozy and Manic, and the Gnomesses work on through the centuries - watching TV, writing [under a 'gnome de plume'] and doing all those wonderfully silly things that made their wives think that they didn't have a gnome to go to - out late on the bevvy, fighting etc. The Sacred Festival of Xmas gives the Gnomes the chance to blow off steam, where they spend those little bits of gold dust and when sometimes they can help the Gnomeless by giving them one or two of the nice things that they hid instead of putting it on the Santas Sled. � Its Xmas every month in this Star Sector says Santa. � Here's a new order from planet Xorg - get busy. T h e A n c i e n t O r d e r of Sa n t a s He l p e r s For 10,000 years and more the sound of busy little people hard at work has been echoing through the lands of Santas Grotto. Chip,chip, hammer, hammer, saw, saw, the busy little Gnomes have been helping Santa fill his sled, seldom looking up at the stars or seeing the dawn, those happy little people have been delving and burrowing, carving their happy little toys for Santa, Their brightly painted toys bringing joy to the hearts of the Children of the Galaxy. Ho Ho Ho beams Santa, as his anti-gravity sled is loaded by Santas little helpers - then he's off to the stars, his freighter downloading the EEC winelake that he tasted himself, his face as red as his suit, or that important collection of DaVincis for the little ET who has none. And the little ET who wanted a trainset gets 100 Eastern Pacific locomotives made on the Clyde - taken from storage in the Grotto where they had been wrapped last century. 'Gnome wasn't built in a day - maybe two or three' Technician ELOHIM GENETICS DEPT In his red suit and beaming red eyes, Satan/Santa claws says Ho Ho Ho as he loads up his freighter ......... Why be a Free and Accepted Gnome For millenia, heads down, ears closed and eyes blinkered, the little Gnomes have been getting well and truly screwed. What funny lights in the sky Santa regularly says to the inquisitive Gnome as his fleet of sleds take off to rendezvous with the Galactic Shoppers. Truly the festival of Xmas is the parody of the Great Gnome Cosmic Sting - where we unknowingly act out the pantomime of ourselves being conned to supply half the galaxy with luxury goods. But, we ask, does Santa have Claws, will we be made hungry and Gnomeless ....... Each Gnome, Brother or Sister, each busy little craftsperson must assert the rights of every Gnome. Never in the grotto of Human Industry has so much been supplied by so many to so many ..... WE MUST ASK SANTA FOR A SHARE OF THE PROFIT HUMAN ADDED TAX [HAT] can be imposed by the Gnome population - perhaps retrospectively [oldHAT] - this would give our little brothers and sisters the chance to afford a Company Interstellar Benefits package and travel allowance. Will the little boys and girls of the galaxy start crying if Santas Gnomes go on strike? Xmas is a happy time - tinsel, trees, faeries, lights, presents three wise Unionists - following the glow of the mothership - we all come from the same stable - but this could be the last straw As the watchers, the shining ones said as they made their first Gnome in the lab 20,000 years ago, Gnome wasn't built in a day, but we'll appoint SANTA to supervise Santa will find work for idle hands ........ there will be a Clause in his contract - and so the Elohim were laughing all the way to the Central galactic Bank - ho ho ho � To be a Free and Accepted Gnome all you need is a Birth Certificate � You may also need a sense of Humour ...... [GSOH] The Ancient Order of Santas Helpers are an ecumenical, ET friendly, polygnomial bunch of happy workers who have heard that the Galactic Union of Underground Workers has proposed a Social Chapter which we should probably bring to Santas attention - he probably hasn't seen it yet - being so busy and generous and happy and all - On the first day of Xmas, my true love said to me, 'a fair milleniums work for a fair milleniums wage ...' And so Santa, alias Satan Claws or Rex Mundi the King of the Grotto rules the industrious little Grotto called Earth, helped by the Giants who can squeeze maximum productivity out of the Gnomes and Gnomesses. Deep down in the Dark Caverns of the hollow Earth, the Giants run their vast supply depot - stocked by every artefact and product manufactured in the 20,000 year history of the Gnomes. Often the Giants haul away great ships from the oceans, crates of antiques and millions of cubic tonnes of their favourite tipple for export to Shoppers all over the Galaxy. No order is too big or too small to fill. The Gnomes have a legend that one day Clock, the Grand Master of the Universe will return and cast down the graven idols manufactured in his name and set the Grotto to rights. In the back of their happy minds, there is a lingering doubt about their great hero Artificer Tubalcain of whom legends tell made all the tools of creation which help the Gnomes express their joy of Clock. It is said that TubalCain in his vanity made an image of Clock and was cast from heaven and that the Gnomes must work to redeem themselves till the hour of Clocks return. They have a prophesy ... 'one Gnome to rule them all one Gnome to find them, one Gnome to bring them all, and in the Grotto bind them, In the Land of Santa, Where the shadows lie.' That Gnome is the Gnome of Gnomes, the Grand Master Clock. The Productivity Collective run by the Giants and headed by Satan Claws has held sway over the little people for many millenia, but the Gnomes have a Secret Brotherhood for Gnomes and Gnomesses of all Guilds and persuasions to join - where they can swap stories and speak the unspeakable - their dissatisfaction with Santa. They name this place where they gather a Grotto, and perform the rituals which symbolise their reverence and understanding of the Cosmos and Gnomehood. The Secret Commonwealth of Freegnomery gather to pursue the ancient knowledge of the 3 degrees of Freegnomery. Once taken, the exulted candidates progress to the Royal Starch degree which stiffens their backbones for the ascent up the degree ladder of Clock where they take the Ancient Scottish Rite of Free and Accepted Gnomery. It is said that within the ranks of the aspirants who journey to the 33 degree and beyond, the true Secret Commomwealth operates. It is rumoured that an Intelligence gathering organisation called the GIA, the Gnome Intelligence Agency functions to gather and distribute reports and information about the bad behaviour of Santa and the Giants - and that the most extraordinary rumour is of a Gnome Guard for armed covert operations against Satan Claws and the Giants. Reports are regularly distributed by the GEDI master Obe Wan Gnomi but rarely reach the Grotto workshops - even then only in hushed whispers. Some Gnomes believe that they are of the lost Gnomadic tribe of Brother Benjamin and that Brother Enoch may have had an insight into who or what the Gnome of Destiny was. The Book of Enoch gives us a description of that first historical meeting with Santa THE 12 DAYS OF XMAS On the first day of Xmas Santa said to me .... no more rainforest trees 2 mad cows 3 minute warning 4 whaling ships 5 nuclear bombs 6 ozone hotspots 7 wars a starting 8 revelations 9 passing comets 10 new commandments 11 ET races 12 Global Wipeouts. Oh Xmas Tree [ancient Hymn] Oh Xmas Tree, Oh Xmas Tree the Grottos full of misery, Oh Xmas Tree, Oh Xmas Tree I toil for productivity. I get my pension and a box, and my wife don't buy me socks, Oh Xmas Tree, Oh Xmas Tree I'm glad I've got Freegnomery. Still the Grotto, silent the Grotto, Gnomes asleep, or drunken blotto, Santa and Giants in control room bare, watch o'er their workers and give them a scare, sleep in ignorant peace sleep in Satanly peace. I saw three freighters sailing in come flying in, come sailing in, They took away a Sea of Gin to Sirius in the morning. alias Satan Claws, where the Giant Elohim Watchers saw the daughters of Enoch and thought that they were fair and decided to clone a workforce second to none. The symbol of ever increasing productivity is the mathematical constant for growth [x2], much revered by the Gnomes, but many who have been trained in Freegnomery use the awakened all seeing eye of GEDI to identify the unsightly distribution and hierarchy of wealth in the Grotto, symbolised by the Xmas tree, usually with a Fairy or Santa with red eyes on top. When the Gnomes gather in their Grotto, they sometimes re-enact the Fraud and Robbery that is Xmas - to remind themselves and all future Generations of Gnomery how Satan Clause has robbed these poor self effacing little artisans to give to the Rich of the galaxy and make a big fat profit for himself. So they partake of Communion in Xmas Dinner with all the trimmings. The symbolic Host for this Communion is the roasted and stuffed Turkey, reverently called 'the Gnome with no name', this washed down with the Holy Spirit made by the Brothers of Eseesus - a potent brew called Buckfast Wine that has helped many young Gnomes meet the Great Architect Clock when their time has prematurely run out. Then, the Benedictions of Santa are enacted and the Crackers pulled, whereupon the raptures of Santa come upon us as His holy and intelligent words of comfort are read out. Upon one, Santa shall bestow His Gift of an artefact of His own design - something which we can treasure for always, to signify his great happiness at the work the Gnomes have invested in the Grotto. In deference to Santa, however, none shall wear the symbolic Crown contained in the Cracker to assure Santa that we are not worthy, until the return of the Gnome with no name. The Eating of the Dark Xmas pudding is a symbolic devouring of the evil brain and intent of Satan Clause. When the Ceremonial Communion is over, the Presiding GEDI Master of that Constituted Grotto shall perform the enactment of the Ultimate Prophesy of Brother Gnomostrodamus, 'the Giving of the Milky Way', where the physical waver of Xmas chocolate ensures that the Secret Commonwealth of Gnomes has an appetite for the future by encouraging transformational alchemy on the oppressed Spirit of the busy little artisan. The Presiding GEDI Master then holds up an Idol of Satan Claws and ritually announces 'Ho, Ho, Ho ..' To which the assembled Freegnomery reply in a tone of admonition; 'Oh, Oh, Oh .. !!!' In joining the Secret Commonwealth you inherit the Rights of every Gnome, and upon you falls a responsibility for the Future of all Gnomekind. But you are not alone, isolated or uninformed, for the Secret Commonwealth will provide you with the Keys to Power - Information - on the evil deeds of Santa and the Giants, and a strong, skilled and caring companionship to aid you in your daily struggle in the Grotto. The GIA, Gnome Intelligence Agency will provide through the offices of the GEDI, reports, instruction and guidance, all that we ask is that you keep your eyes and ears open whilst you are busy filling Santas latest order and if you hear anything about Santa and the Giants, report it immediately to us. If you become a Free and Accepted Gnome, you will be able to take many initiations and degrees which will give you a Unique Insight into the Secret Commonwealth, and doorways to the secret cupboards of Ancient Gnome research will open for you. The Ancient Order of Santas Helpers may improve your chances of Survival in the workhouses of Satan Claws, and only those Gnomes with inner strength and resolve can get to hear the most terrifying secrets, but those who are initiated live a long life; for ... 'many are bald, but few are frozen.' To start your Journey into the Secret Commonwealth: write to: XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX A Guide to the Luminaries of TAOSH SATAN CLAWS alias Santa Clause, the Elohim/watcher left behind on Earth to supervise productivity when the 'Gods' departed for Sirius and Orion. He devised the Festival of Productivity known as Xmas where the Gnome workforce could reaffirm their dedication to the Elohim prime directive for Earth ie. To keep it the busiest Grotto workshop in the Galaxy. Brother Enoch the patron Saint and Founder of the Order was lifted up to heaven to meet 'Satan', and he tells us in his testament 'The Book of Enoch' how Satan asked him to put in a good performance report about him to the Managing Director of Interstellar Grotto plc [satan claws is usually depicted as a santa with red eyes] Once upon a time, before the Great Santa Enslavement, according to Gnomic Scriptures, the Jeteye, who were the smallest of the Tribes of Enoch were called the Watchers, because they were clairvoyant - seeing all things in Heaven and Earth according to Klock. BROTHER ENOCH - patron Saint and Founder of the Ancient Order of Santas helpers - a Gnome with a strong sense of Fraternity was called forth by Santa and was made an offer he couldn't refuse. >From that time, brother Enoch was usually seen wearing the symbol of the exponential growth function x-2 on his hat - to symbolise his commitment to ever increasing output in Santas newly managed Grotto. THE BOOK OF ENOCH - the ancient story of Brother Enochs' ordeal at the board meeting of Interstellar Grottos plc - never made the bible - but the Gnomes speak in hushed whispers that the 'Elohim saw the daughters of Enoch - and thought they were fair .......' After the Great Santa Enslavement, the Jeteye - the Priest Caste of the Gnomes, were hunted down and eradicated by Santa's Klownes. They it was who knew the Ancient power of the Sacred Gnome Mineral called Jet, that it could protect from the Evil Eyes of the Supervisors, absorbing the Dark Side of the Lifeforce. They it was who knew how to look into the Darkest Depths of Klock to defy the Boundaries of the Kosmos - using the purest drops of Klocks congealed Lifeblood. Thus the Sacred Rune-Carved Jet was much sought after by the evil Klownes who worked for Santa, for they knew that as the Jeteye perished, a slumber would fall over the toiling Gnomes. Soon, without the Watchers and their artefacts of power animated by the Will of Klock, a forgetfulness overcame the Kommonwealth, and Santa was able to turn it into his Hive of Industry called the Grotto. It is not today known how many Jeteye remain, or what watch is kept on the Star Freighters as they surge through the Jetstream into the Interstellar traffic - but it is rumoured that a select group of Gnomes have broken the seals on the Ancient deep levels of the Grotto. Led by the Oldest living descendent of St Enoch, they have uncovered the resting place of the Scrolls which decree the oldest known Covenant with Klock in the grave of the Martyr Jack de Moggy who was buried with his Cats. Many Gnomes who lived with Cats were called Catters - but they thought life was hell if they ran out of Catfood. In the First of Santa's purges Many Catters died horribly at the Hands of the Klownes. [the so-called Catter Heresy enforced by his alleged holiness, the Klowne, Konstantine 1st.] A map led them to a Labyrinth with 13 entrances - and therein in the flickering light of the torches, they found the sacred relics of the Jeteye Crusaders carved from the Living Blood of Klock hidden there at the time of the first purges. It is hoped that the Ancient powers that slumber in these Jet relics can be awoken by Gnomes everywhere to bring the Old Ways back to the Grotto. Today, however, the politics of the Grotto are more sophisticated. Santa's Great Circus is led by the Regional Ringmasters who crack the whips over their Klowne overseers - who in turn juggle, posture and act the fool to keep the attention of the Gnomes. However, it is rumoured that one of the Klownes is a renegade with their own ambitions. The Gnomes call this Klowne Koko. The GIA actively gather intelligence on this unlikely ally and actively seek to negotaite with him/her. Is this the Coming Gnome ? Koko seems to have a message for all Gnomekind and has been heard to mention Extra Terrestrial contacts. There is an old Gnomic prophesy that whosoever can grasp the Gnomestar, an ancient Jeteye artefact, will actively speak the Will of Klock, it is thought by some that the GIA wish to test Koko with the prophesy ..... It sings its song unto the Dawn, awake the power that it was made, to crush the Evil, Santa's spawn. a cherished power that shall not fade. Andrew Hennessey [all rights deserved] :) DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic screeds are not allowed. Substance�not soapboxing! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright frauds is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. 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