Just two pieces this week. Still working on the film and the book. Pray for me. THE SCOOP for December 15, 1998 ___________________________ Pinochet And The GOP Congress Surprising Champions Of Central Planning � 1998 Bob Harris [EMAIL PROTECTED] [] = italics Should reporters at national newspapers bother to read their own stories? Or is that too much to ask? As you probably know by now, as a source of news, I consider the Murdoch press one notch above bathroom graffiti, and the [USA Today] just a few levels down from the Teletubbie Songbook. Even so, sometimes I'm still shocked. The [USA Today] of Monday the 14th carried an instructively bizarre and self-contradictory piece. Written by Daniela Deane, it hailed the "free market" imposed in Chile by Augusto Pinochet, that Grinchy-looking Eichmanna-be dictator dude who's about to go down for the small matter of killing off his opponents, which, let's face it, is rude. You could conceivably argue that creating one of the world's most inequitable ecomonies is worth the dismantling of a democratic society, the creation of death squads, decades of terror, thousands of disappearances, and the odd car bombing here and there. Of course, that would make you scum, but it's your call. And make no mistake, the business press thinks that's a fair trade. Anyhow, let's leave that argument aside. I'm cranky and I could use a hug. Let's just get back to the [USA Today] thing. The story in question offered these illustrations of Chile's Pinochet-inspired free-market success: A) Strict government control over banking, including constant audits and fines to keep bankers from getting greedy and making bad loans and going out of business, B) a social security system where a ten percent investment is mandatory for all, and C) laws requiring all investors to hold thirty percent of their assets in Chile for a year. Excuse me? We can argue about whether these are good ideas. But one thing you can't argue: not [one] of these examples has anything to do with a free market. In fact, they're all the exact opposite -- government limitations and regulations precisely to [prevent] the abuses inherent in free markets. What Ms. Deane has done here is like pointing to Pam Anderson as an example of natural beauty. It just ain't so. Did the reporter even bother to think about what she was writing? It's hard to say. But for most business writers, it's a matter of faith that free markets are always good, that Chile's economy is good, and that Chile's economy is good because it has a free market. All of which are ludicrous oversimplifications. Most Wall Street reporting is thickly dusted with similarly unhealthy bromides. But you don't have to be a University of Chicago economist to see the blatant contradictions in a lot of business news. You just have to be able to read and think for yourself. Which are two traits apparently not essential to writing for the [USA Today.] ___________________________ I know it seems like the only thing Congress does these days is frown about oral sex and denounce each other. That's because these days that [is] all they do. But only because nobody believes in witches anymore. Then they'd really be busy. Surprisingly, however, a couple months ago, they actually passed a federal budget. How they accomplished this when there are still ten minutes of Monica Lewinsky's preteen years that haven't yet been broadcast to Fiji we'll never know. But somehow they managed. You remember this Congress was elected largely on a platform of streamlining government and eliminating waste, right? Well, as the [L.A. Times] pointed out this week, much to their credit, this year's budget includes literally hundreds of millions of dollars for things that are, to put it gently, psychotic. There's stuff here the Firesign Theatre wouldn't try to make up, even on their excellent new CD. (There, Phil. There's your plug. Massaged it in real smooth where no one will notice. Hope you like it.) A few examples: $700,000 of your money is building a pedestrian overpass in a town with a population of 306. $15,000,000 of your money is renovating a gravel airstrip in a town with a population of 451. (Yes, I said fifteen [million]. It's in Alaska. There's oil.) One million dollars is even going to something called the Thad Cochran National Warmwater Aquaculture Center. Which is at Mississippi State University. Where they grow catfish. And who is Thad Cochran, you ask? Thad Cochran is: a Senator from Mississippi who sits on the Appropriations Committee that approved the funding for the Thad Cochran National Warmwater Aquaculture Center at Mississippi State. Oh. Of course. How did this happen? Simple: by the time all the pork was added on, the final budget was over [four thousand pages] long. Few, if any, of the Congressmen who signed it even read the whole thing. But just asking: how many of these same Congressmen do you suppose can recite much of the Linda Tripp tapes by heart? ___________________________ Bob Harris is a radio commentator, political writer, and humorist who has spoken at almost 300 colleges nationwide. To receive a free email subscription to The Scoop, just send the word "subscribe" to mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]. ___________________________ Bob's Big Plug-O-Rama� (updated 12/15/98): National radio syndication begins Jan. 25th. We're guessing we'll have over 100 stations from the get-go, and who knows how many thereafter. Feel free to call your favorite station and ask for the feature. They actually pay attention more than you might think. www.bobharris.com will be up in a few weeks, including station and schedule data, an archive of past columns, live appearance info, etc. We'll record at the Museum of Television & Radio in Beverly Hills (http://www.mtr.org), which has kindly offered free use of their studios in exchange for gratuitous plugs, including this one. In L.A., you can already hear the stuff daily at 6:40 p.m. on KNX 1070 AM. The feature has recently received cool awards from the Press Club and the Associated Press. The current GQ profiles Alex Trebek, so naturally they interviewed [me] to find out what he's really like. I told the truth: he's a smart, friendly, and suave seven-foot-tall black woman from Mississippi. Check it out. You can read the whole story of my Jeopardy! travails in the current issue of Paul Krassner's extremely cool magazine, The Realist, which is available at most bookstore megachains or for $2 from Box 1230, Venice CA 90294. The current Scoop website at http://www.westsong.com/bobharris/ is in suspended animation. The really cool guy who ran it just to be nice, Mick Winter, came down with pneumonia and needs to take care of his own life. I thank him profusely for the time he put in and hope everyone wishes him the best. The Scoop's back archives are maintained by Patrick Combs and The Good Thinking Company at http://www.goodthink.com/harris.html The Scoop is also available online in RealAudio at http://www.webactive.com/webactive/soapbox/monday.html Check out Mother Jones at http://www.motherjones.com/ because I like them a lot and they do great work. The Scoop is also often carried in the following monthlies, which I vigorously endorse for the great articles written by everybody else: �The Funny Times, http://www.funnytimes.com/ �The Humanist, http://humanist.net/publications/humanist.html �The Progressive Populist, http://www.eden.com/~reporter/current.html �Z Magazine http://www.lbbs.org/zmag/ I'm still working on the dang memory book for Common Courage Press. If people like it, more will follow. Common Courage publishes some marvelous stuff. Check out their list at http://www.commoncouragepress.com And finally, do you ever wish there was some way to cast a real protest vote? Check out the homepage of Damian Hooters, America's only pro-crime, anti-family candidate, at http://home.dmv.com/~damien/ and enjoy. If you can't vote your conscience, vote unconscionably.
