-Caveat Lector-
On a lighter note (for a joke a day beats going to the doctor),
observations on the e-virus that has everyone in an uproar from a
dusted-off joke-list:
BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re -attaches
it. (But that part will never work again.)
YUGOSLAVIA VIRUS: Almost immediately fragments into several autonomous
parts. Then it violently tries to reassemble itself for the next 150
years.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how
old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a
counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole damn thing quits.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Goes into your spellchecker and updates the word "Potatoe"
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to
be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of
their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
error.)
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data are in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs;
only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then
subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive
shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
sends you a bill for $4,500.
NYPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC
and erases them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in
the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars,
it's programmer will take it back.
DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
==========
CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic
screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing! These are sordid matters
and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright
frauds is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects
spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL
gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers;
be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and
nazi's need not apply.
Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.
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