-Caveat Lector-
Which makes me wonder if the trans-genic hog research has yet put anything
interesting on the market. Last I heard they were doing R&D on splicing
human genes into hogs to improve their porkishness. John Hagee (Porcus
Maximus of Texas) and other tele-evangelical swine should be careful about
leaving used hankies around with tissue and DNA in them.
POC
(LEZ)
********* <http://www.geocities.com/partyofcitizens> **********
On Wed, 15 Jan 2003, klewis wrote:
>
> ------- Forwarded message follows -------
>
>
> Ron Marr
> Do Vegetarians Taste Like Chicken?
>
> Being a Southern boy, I like chicken. I like it baked or broiled or
> broasted or barbecued. It's hard to beat a mess of fowl that's been soaked
> in buttermilk, rolled in corn meal, and dunked in the deep fryer. I've
> never been quite certain whether chicken prepared in this manner really
> tastes like chicken - you could probably batter-fry the backseat of a Chevy
> and receive a similar gustatory sensation - but that's beside the point.
>
> Chicken tastes like chicken, which tastes like fish, which tastes like
> gator, which tastes like bull-frog, which tastes like snake, which tastes
> like rabbit, which tastes like the aforementioned rear cushion of a 68'
> Impala. The Fry Daddy is an equal opportunity appliance. If you really want
> to mess people up when eating chicken, take a big bite and loudly exclaim
> 'ummm..ummm. Tastes like bull-frog.'
>
> I'm partial to the skin of the chicken, which is where the health giving nutrients
>inherent
> to a heavy batter are located. I'm particularly partial to the skin if it's of the
> 'Extra Crispy' variety. The invention of 'Extra Crispy' is the reason that
> I place the late Colonel Harlan Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken,
> on the same pedestal with such visionaries and humanitarians as Henry Ford,
> Mother Teresa, and Rush Limbaugh.
>
> Some folks went weepy when Princess Diana
> slammed into a bridge. Others rent their clothes when John John Kennedy
> splashed into the Atlantic. Millions mourned because Elvis got all
> drugged-up and fell off the toilet. Me...I shed a tear when Colonel
> Sanders went to that big ol' red and white revolving bucket in the sky.
>
> That's why I'm offended, on a spiritual level, that the fine culinary
> institution which bears the Colonel's name and visage is under attack by
> the heinous miscreants known as People For The Ethical Treatment of
> Animals. PETA is launching a boycott against KFC's parent company [Yum
> Brands of Louisville, Ky., and no, I didn't make up that name] with
> allegations of animal-rights abuses. PETA is whining that KFC chickens
> don't have nice living quarters [no maids...no satellite dish] and are sent
> to their reward in a barbarous manner. Since PETA people consider the mere
> consumption of a critter an animal-rights abuse, I put little faith in
> their claims.
>
> Instead, I will side with Yum Brands, as they have a stellar
> track record in regard to gastronomic principle. Along with KFC, the
> company owns Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and Long John Silver. These are all fine
> firms, but I'm particularly fond of the latter, assuming of course that
> they still give out flimsy paper pirate hats and eye patches. One cannot
> help but enjoy a blood-thirsty buccaneer motif while eating deep-sea
> denizens prepared in boiling oil. Personally, I revel in donning such
> apparel and yelling 'Arrrrrgh...Ahoy Matey' at highly inappropriate times.
> This may explain why I don't have a lot of second dates.
>
> PETA folks
> though...they're a soy and tofu, 'bless the beasts and children' kind of
> clan with zero regard for pirate costumes or the blessed memory of kindly
> old Southern Colonels. They don't like to chow down on anything with a
> face, and right there is a sign of severe mental dysfunction. They pretend
> to be concerned about the 'rights' of all living things, which is pretty
> funny since it was recently reported that the group publicly gives money to
> domestic terrorist organizations such as the Earth Liberation Front.
>
> I really respect an outfit which places the entitlements of moles, rats,
> possums, crabs, tapeworms and barnyard birds above those of humans who
> could well be burned alive when the E.L.F crowd torches their mountain-side
> condo. PETA is largely supported by Hollywood celebrities and Democratic
> sympathizers. Since these sub-cultures are usually of a pacifist mindset,
> it only makes sense that they would advocate giving Foghorn Leghorn the
> right to vote, buy beer, and receive government subsidized tattoo removal.
> Their commonalties with chickens are readily apparent, once again proving
> the old adage that 'it takes one to know one.' Because of this insidious
> boycott against the legacy of the Colonel, I plan on eating at KFC as often
> as possible. They offer a dandy buffet for about seven bucks. It features
> not only all the batter-fried chicken skin you can swallow, but also their
> famous mashed taters, gravy, and a host of other Epicurean delights. PETA's
> rationale that KFC's "crude and ineffective electric stunning and
> throat-slitting of chickens" is inhumane will only lead me to order more
> Extra Crispy. Frankly, that electric stunning bit strikes me as an awful
> lot of unnecessary work. When I was a kid we would just slap Henny Penny on
> a stump and whack her head off with a hatchet. It's fairly interesting
> work, as the decapitated fowl nearly always makes a mad, spurting, flapping
> dash of 30 or 40 feet before succumbing to the noggin-ectomy procedure.
>
> Nature is a teacher, and the lesson learned from acephalous poultry is that
> you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang-fool idiot making a
> spectacle of yourself. I'm certain the PETA people can relate.
>
> Ron Marr is the editor and publisher of Trout Wrapper Magazine, as well as a
> syndicated columnist whose work can be found in newspapers across Montana
> and the Dakotas. Ron Marr may be reached for comment at [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Do Vegetarians Taste Like Chicken?
> ------- End of forwarded message -------
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