��� Patricia Seremet
Bush And Kerry, Kramden And Norton: Some Handshakes Are More Secret Than Others
October 6, 2004
Dear Mr. President, As you face your second debate Friday, here's some advice: Look to the handshake. Beware of the secret handshake.
President George W. Bush and Sen. John F. Kerry are the first presidential candidates running against each other who both were members of Yale University's most elite secret society, Skull and Bones. They are, in the words of the S&B society, Bonesmen, joining the ranks of Bush's grandfather Sen. Prescott Bush; and father, President George H.W. Bush; the late Sen. John Heinz (Kerry's wife Teresa's first husband); Time publisher Henry Luce; and President William H. Taft.
Skull and Bones is shrouded in secrecy, and even under Tim Russert's grilling last year on "Meet the Press," neither Kerry nor Bush would weaken and divulge any of the society's rituals.
"It's so secret, we can't talk about it," Bush told Russert.
But the way that Bush fell apart from the get-go in the debate suggests that perhaps the president was under a Skull and Bones spell, courtesy of Kerry.
Kerry approached Bush, placed his left hand on the small of the president's back, shook hands with his right - to the uninitiated eye, it all looked very normal.
Java tried to find out if this was, indeed, a Skull and Bones mesmerizing moment but only reached a few knowledgeable Yalies. Former Hartford lawyer John Murtha, a member of the rival Scroll and Key Society at Yale, seemed familiar with the Skull and Bones exchange but would not betray his own handshake nor that of the Bonesmen.
"A secret handshake was part of a ritual," Murtha said. "Theirs was pretty much the same as ours. I'm not going to get into it. But even if I could, I wouldn't."
But he did say it in Eli-style, ever so politely.
WTIC-AM (1080) personality and Yale graduate Colin McEnroe also did not get tapped for Skull and Bones but did make the Egg and Spoon Society, which he said "only met for breakfast."
He doesn't know about the Skull and Bones handshake, but he did say this: "I'm guessing it involves more than the hand. It is my understanding that Skull and Bones members like to touch each other's buttocks."
Personally, I would feel more comfortable with candidates who were members of a less elitist group, like the International Order of Friendly Sons of the Raccoons, with members in good standing like Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton.
Bus driver Kramden (Jackie Gleason) and sewer worker Norton (Art Carney) belonged to that fraternity on the TV show "The Honeymooners," and they weren't at all shy about divulging their official greeting.
They touched elbows, first right, then left, followed by a "Wooooooo" sounding cry as they wiggled the raccoon tail on their coonskin hats. They ended by chorusing, "Brothers under the pelt."
Not only would this society be less secretive than Skull and Bones, it also would be much more entertaining to see the candidates interact by wiggling their raccoon tails.
There is also a Friendly Sons of the Raccoons drinking toast that Bush and Kerry could recite when they reach for a glass of water under the podium: "Fingers to fingers, thumbs to thumbs, watch out below, here she comes."
Should one rise to be Raccoon of the Year in the organization, there are several privileges, including: opening the first clam at the annual clambake; free burial, with spouse, at Raccoon National Cemetery in Bismark, N.D.; throwing the first bag of water out of the hotel window at the Raccoon convention.
Tell me that doesn't beat "Hail to the Chief," Secret Service and having friends sleep over in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Abbey's Set Delayed In Customs
Uncertain that the set for the Abbey Theatre's production of J.M. Synge's "The Playboy of the Western World" could clear U.S. customs in time, the Shubert Theater in New Haven scratched its first performance slated for Thursday night. The rest of the Friday-to-Sunday run will take place, said a spokesman for the theater. The New Haven run was the first stop in a two-month U.S. tour for the Irish theater, which is celebrating its 100th year.
The production will play the Shubert Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m. The tour will also play the Rich Forum at the Stamford Center for the Arts Oct. 19 to 24.
Marilyn Manson Engaged; Will The Bride Wear Black?
Well, it's not exactly every parent's dream bridegroom, but gothic rock star Marilyn Manson will marry his girlfriend, Dita von Teese, in Berlin sometime in November.
The 35-year-old androgynous singer, known for his macabre lyrics and gruesome stage shows, and his former stripper fianc�e, 32, are looking for a castle where they can hold the ceremony.
Three's The Charm (She Hopes) For Katey Sagal
Katey Sagal is remarried with children.
The "Eight Simple Rules" star, best known for her role as feisty matriarch Peg Bundy in Fox's "Married ... With Children," married beau Kurt Sutter Saturday in a private ceremony, confirmed Sagal's publicist, Lisa Kasteler.
According to the representative, about 150 guests attended the nuptials and reception at the couple's Los Feliz, Calif., home, including "Eight Simple Rules" cast members Kaley Cuoco and Amy Davidson as well as Al Bundy himself - Ed O'Neil.
The bride wore a Reem Acra wedding gown, and the groom a Prada suit.
Sagal, 48, was previously married for three years to bass player Freddie Beckmeyer, when she was a backup crooner for the likes of Bette Midler, Etta James and Tanya Tucker. The two divorced in 1981.
In 1993, she tied the knot for the second time with fellow actor Jack White, with whom she had two children, daughter Grace, now 10, and Jackson, 8. The pair split in 2000.
Sutter, 42, is a writer for F/X's Emmy-winning cop drama "The Shield."
Loose Lips Synch Act; Elton Lets Madonna Have It
British pop veteran Elton John took a foul-mouthed swipe at Madonna Monday, saying she cheated her fans by miming on stage.
But the American pop superstar was swift to dismiss his accusation, saying she does not lip-synch or criticize other artists.
While collecting a song-writing award from Q music magazine in London, John suddenly launched into a tirade against Madonna when he discovered she had been nominated for Best Live Act.
"Anyone who lip-synchs in public on stage when you pay �75 [$134] to see them should be shot," John said in reference to ticket prices for Madonna's Reinvention tour.
"Since when has lip-synching been live?" he asked.
His tirade prompted a swift response from Madonna's U.S. spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg, who said in a statement: "Madonna does not lip-synch nor does she spend her time trashing other artists.
"She sang every note on her Reinvention tour live and is not ashamed that she was well paid for her hard work."
Madonna lost out to the British band Muse for the live-act title.
Elton John hit the headlines in Taiwan last month when, confronted by a wall of flashing cameras at Taipei airport, he lashed out at the local media, calling them "rude, vile pigs."
"The televisions and photographers at the airport were the rudest people that I've ever met, and I've been to 60 countries," the 57-year-old star said.
Today's Birthdays
Author-journalist Shana Alexander is 79. Actress Britt Ekland is 62. Impressionist Fred Travalena is 62. Singer Millie Small is 58. Singer-musician Thomas McClary is 54. Rock singer Kevin Cronin (REO Speedwagon) is 53. Rock singer-musician David Hidalgo (Los Lobos) is 50. Actress Elisabeth Shue is 41. Singer Matthew Sweet is 40. Actress Jacqueline Obradors is 38. Country singer Tim Rushlow is 38. Rock musician Tommy Stinson is 38. Actor Ioan Gruffudd is 31.
- Wire Reports Included
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