-Caveat Lector- Fourth of July Truth, 2005 Updated Version by iNFoWaRZ
This year I was going to recommend just staying at home on the 4th of July, but I forgot, the Supreme Court just took all your property rights away and you don't have a home to stay home at, so you might as well get out there and have some fun. So, as we go out to celebrate our freedom this 4th of July, let's go over a few things to make your celebration a success. Before leaving home make sure you check the color coded Homeland Security alert status. Be especially careful if it is orange or red. Don't worry about yellow. It's always yellow. Check out the weekly Fear-Mongering Report, "Scare America", from Herr Rumsfeld to find out what MIGHT get blown up, nuked, or biologically attacked this week. And for heavens sakes stay away from the shopping malls they are always at the top of his warning list. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. New Yorkers, in particular, watch out for those pesky mushroom clouds. Don't use any illegal fireworks in your 4th Celebration. It is for your own safety. And the founding father's implemented a government to protect you from yourselves. Didn't they? Fireworks are explosive devices and you might be considered a terrorist with weapons of mass destruction. And although the government can't find any in Iraq, you can rest assured they will find them in your car trunk. Besides, this year the gubmint is providing the show by sending a multi-million dollar spacecraft/bomb into a comet on the 4th of July, for a galactic class fireworks display. Americans think big, we aren't satisfied blowing up third world countries like Iraq, we have to blow up the whole damn universe. But don't worry, getting arrested, imprisoned indefinitely without formal charges, and a 5 year wait before the secret tribunal star chamber trial per the Patriot Act is a breeze. It's that secret summary execution that should make you nervous. Worse yet you might be wisked to an overseas prison and find yourself at the very bottom of a naked Iraqi human pyramid pile as a photo op for some pathetic looking, skinny GI Dyke with a cigarette dangling out her mouth. I would pray for the summary execution if I was you. If you are an airline employee, lighten up for the holiday, you can always look for a job tomorrow. Maybe you could transfer over to a Federal Airport Security Screener job. Big demand for those jobs and you don't have to be smart. In fact they prefer total idiots. If you are a Haliburton employee, then celebrate, you probably have a raise coming from the Iraqi contract windfall. And you may even get a promotion and a transfer to Afghanistan to finish the work on Cheney's oil pipeline. Don't mention God or Jesus if celebrating on any public property. Government is God there. You will be apprehended. But mentioning Allah is okay, because according to Bush, Allah is the same God as your Christian God. Professing himself to be wise, he became a blithering idiot. Don't criticize the President or other government officials, you might be in violation of the Patriot Act and considered a possible terrorist. Don't mention the Constitution in any district court or you could be held in contempt of court. If your children get out of line this holiday, do not discipline them, or they may be kidnapped by the Dept. of Social Services and held hostage until you receive approved psychological therapy and are deemed acceptable. Bring plenty of Ritalin for the kids. When traveling in the car try not to have a conversation with your kids as you can be sure they didn't learn a damn thing this year in the government socialist indoctrination camps fondly known as the Public Fool System. Trying to discuss any subject of real value will just be met with the old "deer in the headlights" stare and you can be sure they will snitch on you to school officials when school resumes. Show compassion this Independence Day by bringing an illegal immigrant to your celebration or by hugging a tree. Or better yet, send a wedding gift to a newly "married" homosexual couple. (make sure you address the gift to Mr. and Mr. so-and-so.) Have your papers ready as you approach the holiday police checkpoints, or better yet, slap a Bar code sticker on your forehead and they will just "scan" you through. Make sure you are buckled up in your seat belts, there will be roadblocks and checkpoints to make sure you comply. It is for the children. If the officers ask to search your vehicle, do not be belligerent and demand a search warrant. Do not go into a dissertation about your 4th Amendment Constitutional Right, it will only anger the officer, after all, you don't expect the officer to actually know the Constitution that he took an oath to uphold do you? Standing up for your fourth amendment rights is anti-social and not in tune with the new American way. Are you with Al Quada or something? Submit. Submit. Submit. Do not get upset when the searching officer will not help you pick up your belongings that he has strewn all over the highway as he searched your vehicle. It is not in his job description and complaining will get you charged with obstructing justice. Besides he will be late for his G.E.D. class. Keep your guns at home. You are not going hunting and besides, What on earth do guns have to do with American Independence? Better yet, turn your guns into the authorities to let them know that you are a true patriotic American. Even though many more children a killed in swimming pools than with guns, we can't expect the government to confiscate swimming pools, can we? Turn your gun in and shut up. If celebrating at the mall in Washington DC. you are probably safe as the mall is now monitored by hundreds of surveillance cameras, watched by federal security forces. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want them to see. And smile a lot. Don't get into arguments about left-right, Democrat-Republican politics, any idiot can see that there isn't a dime's worth of difference between these two socialist parties. Unless your name is Rush Limbaugh, who makes a living trying to convince people that Bush is actually a Conservative, instead of the flaming socialist that he is. (Note to former Clinton supporters: Be sure to send Bush a thank you note for single handedly pushing through the entire Clinton Agenda in his first two years as President.) Did you vote for Skull and Bones "R" or Skull and Bones "D"? Like it matters. Bring lots of cash with you, there will be many taxes, fines, and fees to pay as you celebrate your freedoms this day. Do not leave home without your driver's license, social security card, birth certificate, welfare card, medicare card, medical records, W-2 Form, and two others forms of ID. You may be asked for them at the police checkpoints. Illegal immigrants are exempt, of course. Better yet, get micro-chipped, and avoid the hassle of carrying around your papers. Bring your library card, the FBI may ask you for it. If traveling by air this Independence Day, do not give the airport screeners a hard time. They are feeling you up and molesting your daughter and wife for the security of America. If you complain you could be arrested. You don't support Bin Laden do you? Never mind that the screeners are acting like the Taliban and are dumber than a box of rocks. Did I mention that nail clippers and lighters are deadly weapons to these morons? Keep an eye on your fellow Americans as you celebrate this 4th of July. If you see anything suspicious, take notes so that when you get home you can call and report them to the Homeland Security Office. And remember you are not a nosey Snitch, you are a great American Patriot. Do not mention the signers of the Declaration of Independence this 4th of July. Mentioning these white subversive terrorists is not popular and could get you in big trouble. Besides what do these guys have to do with the 4th of July anyway? Do not leave home without one or more little plastic American flags made by political slaves in Communist China. Make sure you have one flying from the antennae of your vehicle. You don't want to seem un-American do you? And not having flag stickers plastered all over your vehicle could get you pulled over. Do not take a copy of the Declaration of Independence with you as it advocates the overthrow of tyrannical government. It is a terrorist document and will be confiscated at the holiday police checkpoints. Same advice for the Constitution. And Bible. After all, what do those silly documents have to do with Independence day anyway? And remember, as you leave home for your 4th of July outing, the second you stepped out of your door, that you probably broke hundreds of federal, state, and local laws you are probably unaware of. However, if you tow the line, you will not be charged. Also, just ignore all those government security cams on the street corners of America. They really aren't watching you. Really. Trust me. Don't even think about taxes on this great day. The 50 per cent government confiscation of your income, at the threat of imprisonment, or at the point of a gun, should not even cross your mind as you revel in your freedom. After all, April 15th, which is a much bigger Holiday than the Fourth, is a long way off. And whatever you do, do not let on that you really know that true freedom died a long time ago in America, and that your servant government has become your overlord, just have fun for the day and then go home and stick your head back in the sand and pretend America is not a socialist police state. Now go out there and celebrate your freedom and liberty and have a great sanitized, politically correct, and government approved and authorized Independence Day! Oh yeah.......America........Wake the hell up. ------------------------------------- -iNFoWaRZ In a show of righteous indignation Two Hundred and Twenty-Nine years ago, Americans, sick and tired of their government's interference in their lives, picked up their guns and started shooting at the bastards and drove them out of the country. And they didn't give damn what party they belonged to. That's what Independence day is about, and don't you ever forget it. www.ctrl.org DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substanceânot soap-boxingâplease! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'âwith its many half-truths, mis- directions and outright fraudsâis used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. 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