-Caveat Lector- >From SF Chronicle > A New, Improved Cold War > ARTHUR HOPPE > Monday, May 31, 1999 > �1999 San Francisco Chronicle > > URL: > http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/1999 > /05/31/ED80214.DTL > > > > OH, HOW THE HEARTS of us old-timers leaped up when Russian negotiator > Viktor Chernomyrdin began tossing threats around last week. Indict > Milosevic, would we? Well, Russia might very well suspend its peace > efforts, end military-technological cooperation with the West, delay > the Start II nuclear arms treaty, and veto whatever's going on in the > United Nations. > > Maybe we're being optimistic, but -- callooh! callay! -- this could > well be the start of Cold War II. > > Think of the blessings. A decent Cold War would put an end to the > vague dissatisfaction and drift that plagues our aimless nation. > Nothing unites a country more than a mutual enemy. It's fear and > loathing that stimulate unbridled patriotism. With Russia back in the > nuclear trenches, we could once again march forward in common purpose. > > > Dad could once again enjoy healthy exercise out in the backyard > digging the family's little bomb shelter. Mom could once again bustle > about the kitchen, putting up preserves for the coming Armageddon. And > Junior could be in school, once again practicing duck and cover under > his desk in order to save himself from thermonuclear bombs -- rather > than the gunfire of his fellow students. > > Life would be far more exciting. Politicians could rant about ``The > Evil Empire'' and revive such stirring battle cries as ``Better Dead > than Red!'' > > Hollywood would be overjoyed to have honest-to- goodness villains once > again. No one has been driven to more desperate straits by the great > villain shortage than the movie makers. Remember ``Air Force One''? > The bad guys were actually from the little former Soviet republic of > Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan our most dreaded enemy? Only for fifth graders > in spelling bees. > > Cold War I admittedly had a few drawbacks, but we learn from our > mistakes. I'm sure we'll avoid bloody, pointless, ancillary wars like > Vietnam or Afghanistan. Instead, we'll concentrate on one big Cold War > II. And there's one fine thing about a Cold War. If it's properly > conducted, no one gets hurt. > > Look how we're raining death and destruction from safe altitudes on > the Serbs in a classic example of bad sportsmanship. But if Cold War > II were raging, Milosevic would be a puppet of Moscow. Would we risk a > nuclear holocaust just to take out a Russian puppet? Not on your life. > > > Economically, Cold War II would be a godsend. We certainly wouldn't > spend trillions this time on new warheads and missiles. The 10,000 or > so already in our arsenal are surely enough. Best of all, we would be > spared shipping billions of dollars to the Russians to shore up their > teetering economy. What are enemies for? > > Of course, the Chinese might jealously demand a part in Cold War II. > But we know pretty much what weapons the Chinese have. And the way our > missiles have been falling out of the sky lately, we clearly don't > have much to worry about. > > So you have to hand it to Mr. Clinton and his handling of the Kosovo > crisis. If he hadn't plunged us into this Balkan civil war, the onset > of Cold War II would never have stood a chance. > > That's our president -- always thinking of our welfare. > > Arthur Hoppe's column appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It is > also available at sfgate.com. E-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > �1999 San Francisco Chronicle A<>E<>R ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. -Marcel Proust + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + A merely fallen enemy may rise again, but the reconciled one is truly vanquished. -Johann Christoph Schiller, German Writer (1759-1805) + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly. -Bertrand Russell + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + "Everyone has the right...to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers." 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