-Caveat Lector- If women ruled the world... -Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams. -PMS would be a legitimate defense in court. -Men would get reputations for sleeping around. -Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets. -A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing. -Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds. -Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity. -Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime. -Men would be secretaries for female bosses-working twice as hard for none of the credit. -Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks." -Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas. -Men would HAVE to get Playboy "for the articles" because there would be no pictures whatsoever. -Men would learn phrases like "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful," and "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit." -Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments. -Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking. -Men would pay as much attention to their woman as they do to their cars. -All toilet seats would be nailed down. -Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers. -TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute. -All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator. -During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds. -Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly. -After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot. -For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year-old for six weeks. (That would take care of birth control!!!) ++++++++++++++ THE BENEFITS OF BEING FEMALE We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gyneco-logical disorder excuses. We never ejaculate prematurely. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic. Our boy friend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get off speeding fines. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxis stop for us. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. We know The Truth about whether size matters. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're not the devil. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex. If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. We can sleep our way to the top. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected. WE never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra. ++++++++++++++ Love, Lust & Marriage LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room. LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."' LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania. LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids. LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything. LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - When ... uh ... what's a climax? LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi." LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room. MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch about work. LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks. LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings. LUST -When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around MARRIAGE - When you're only concern as to what's on TV. LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner. LUST - When you only see each other naked. MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake. LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them. LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them. MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them. LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it. MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio. LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about. LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about MARRIAGE - When just getting through the day is your only thought. LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner. LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner. MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score. LOVE - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk. LUST-When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex. MARRIAGE- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement. LOVE- You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts. LUST- You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline. MARRIAGE- You only leave the house when you're allowed. +++++++++++++ Quote for the day: Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. -Plato DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic screeds are not allowed. Substance�not soapboxing! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright frauds is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector. ======================================================================== Archives Available at: http://home.ease.lsoft.com/archives/CTRL.html http:[EMAIL PROTECTED]/ ======================================================================== To subscribe to Conspiracy Theory Research List[CTRL] send email: SUBSCRIBE CTRL [to:] [EMAIL PROTECTED] To UNsubscribe to Conspiracy Theory Research List[CTRL] send email: SIGNOFF CTRL [to:] [EMAIL PROTECTED] Om
