-Caveat Lector- ---------- > From: Hilary A. Thomas <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Subject: [InTheShadows] World's Top Scientists Ponder: What If The Whole Universe Is, Like, One Huge Atom? > Date: Thursday, July 22, 1999 11:03 AM > > From: "Hilary A. Thomas" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > > World's Top Scientists Ponder: > What If The Whole Universe Is, Like, One Huge Atom? > > PALO ALTO, CA--Gathering for what members of the international science > community are calling "potentially the most totally out-to-lunch freaky > head trip since Einstein postulated that space and time were, like, curved > and shit," a consortium of the world's top physicists descended upon > Stanford University Monday to discuss some of the difficult questions > facing the cutting edge of theoretical thinking. > > Among the revolutionary ideas expected to be raised at the historic > week-long summit is the possibility that, like, our whole friggin' universe > might be just one big atom in, say, some super-duper huge thing out there > somewhere, or something. > > "Whoa, man," Dr. Jacob "The Boz" Bozeman of MIT told reporters. "The > implications of this deceptively simple hypothesis are, like, completely > blowing my mind. Like, we could all be nothing more than this little dot in > the fingernail of some huge-ass giant dude. Or maybe a seed in the mustard > of, like, some really big sandwich, or even a germ on the back of a flea > that's, like, sitting on a hair on some giant dog's ass. Truly, it boggles > the freakin' mind, man. It freaks me the fuck right out." > > The universe-as-possible-giant-atom theory originated in May with a team of > Cal Tech particle physicists, who developed the theory late one night while > sitting around on a couch in the Physics Department's cyclotron and > foosball facility, "just shooting the shit." The theory, which was > reportedly conceived after the group became highly engrossed in > ceiling-tile patterns for several minutes while waiting for a pizza to > arrive, is said to be so advanced that only a few scientists in the world > even have their heads together enough to really, you know, deal. Yet even > among this elite group, many are said to be "seriously thrown for a loop" > by its implications. > > "I'm like, 'Whoa there, man, slow down,'" said Dr. Dieter Gerhardt, a > low-temperature physicist at Cornell University. Pausing for a moment to > collect himself, the renowned scientist then placed his hands on his > forehead before extending them outward in a sweeping gesture and making a > buzzing "space-noise" sound effect with his lips, non-verbally indicating > the degree to which his mind was blown by the whole freaky deal. > > Among other topics to be explored at the Stanford conference, according to > Bozeman: the concept of parallel, or "alternate," Earths; the theory of > multi-dimensional "superstrings" that fold backward and forward throughout > the fabric of the universe; and "a whole bunch of other shit I totally > can't even handle thinking about right now." > > On Monday, the most high-profile conference attendee, Cambridge's Dr. > Stephen Hawking, discussed his recent research exploring the possible > existence of "sideways," or lateral, time, a concept most scientists in > attendance described as "way out there." > > "I don't want to fuck with anybody's head here," Hawking told the assembled > scientists via his voice-simulation device, "but if time goes sideways as > well as forward, there might be, like, other versions of this reality, > where, say, the Roman Empire is still in charge and stuff." > > "By the way," Hawking added, "ever think about what'd happen if you, say, > went back in time and accidentally killed your own younger self? Man, that > shit would be so fucked up." > > Hawking's ideas provoked strong reaction. "I remember I was pretty wigged > out when Feynman came up with that shit about antiparticles just being > normal particles traveling backwards in time," said Dr. Wei Lo-Huang of > Princeton. "That was heavy enough to have to deal with. But now Hawking > comes up with this? What is with that?" > > "Fuck, man... if this turns out to be true, it will require a total > recalibration of all our methods for measuring space-time flux, and that > means all my old equations are gonna be, like, for shit," Wei said. "Aw, > man." > > Though Hawking's lateral-time theory may prove significant, most scientists > in attendance said they plan to avoid it for now, explaining that the > "whole one big atom deal" (or "WOBAD" theory, as it has come to be known > within physics circles) is more than enough to completely freak their shit, > and that they would prefer to take these mind-blowing questions one at a > time, just so they don't completely, you know, lose it. > > "I totally can't get with where my head is at, if you dig what I'm saying," > said Dr. Sanjay Gupta, renowned for his work in advanced quantum > hydroponics theory. "It's like, one big atom? Forget about it, man. Even > weirder is, like, if we're just one big atom in a larger universe, how do > we know all the little atoms don't have, you know, little universes in > them, with, like, little people living on them, with little cars and little > houses, and maybe even itsy-bitsy tiny-ass international symposiums on > cutting-edge theoretical physics, even." > > "That shit would be too much," Gupta said. "It'd be like that Dr. Seuss > book Horton Hears A Who and shit. I read that when I was, like, six, and it > totally weirded me out." > > "Say, can I get another handful of those chips, dude?" Gupta asked. > > http://www.theonion.com/onion3525/universe_one_atom.html > > � Copyright 1999 Onion, Inc., All rights reserved. > > --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- > > Show your ONElist SPIRIT! > http://www.onelist.com > With a new ONElist SHIRT available through our website. > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > InTheShadows is a discussion list dedicated to keeping up-to-date with new technologies, advancements in medicine, environmental concerns, 'conspiracy theories', politics, and, of course, UFO stuff. Discussion is encouraged. Bashing and soapboxing will get you bounced off the list. > > To subscribe send a blank email to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > To unsubscribe send a blank email to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > List Moderator: Hilary Thomas > [EMAIL PROTECTED] DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic screeds are not allowed. 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