-Caveat Lector-
The Parable of the Clock
Two men, one a devout CHRISTIAN and the other a confirmed ATHEIST, having
argued heatedly over spiritual matters on several previous occasions, decided
that the matter must be decided in a gentlemanly fashion- viz, a duel to the
death.
A meeting was arranged for six o'clock that very evening at a lonely outcrop
in the nearby desert. At a quarter-till six, the ATHEIST rode up on a foaming
Equus equus, dismounted, and seated himself on a rock. Time passed, and the
ATHEIST became impatient, then bored. It was after midnight when the dozing
ATHEIST was awakened by a spritely whistling. It was the CHRISTIAN, tripping
lightly along, and by the light of the full moon the ATHEIST discerned that
he carried two bulky parcels, one under each arm. The ATHEIST, too
dumbfounded to initiate a meaningful dialogue, was greeted by the CHRISTIAN:
C: Good evening, brother! Been here long?
A: Long? I've been rotting here for the last six hours, damn your extreme
tardiness!
C: Six hours? Dear me, you must have been eager! We arranged this little
ordeal over lunch, and it's not yet six now!
A: Not yet six? Why it's after midnight! Evening? It's been MORNING these
twenty minutes!
C: Nonsense! Twelve-twenty in the morning? What makes you think that?
A: I've been stewing here for hours! It must be past midnight, although
(since this dialogue is set in a period of history which is indeterminate,
but well before the invention of wristwatches) I haven't a watch.
C: How fortunate, then, that I do! Not a watch, of course; a clock. Look here:
{The CHRISTIAN unwraps the smaller of his bundles, revealing a large golden
clock shaped like an old-fashioned pocket-watch. The hands indicate 5:49}
C: There, you see? I'm a good ten minutes before my time!
A: Nonsense! That ridiculous timepiece is clearly mistaken!
C: Mistaken? Absurd! This is a very finely crafted chronometer; it never errs.
A: Don't be ludicrous, man; can't you see it's pitch dark?
C: What does that mean? It sometimes get's dark before six.
A: Only in the winter; it's high summer now.
C: But nevertheless, the darkness doesn't PROVE that it is after six. Do YOU
know what time it is?
A: Not exactly.
C: Because YOU don't have a clock. I do; it is absurd for a clockless man to
claim that he knows the time better than a man who has the foresight to carry
a clock about with him.
A: But it's been dark for HOURS!
C: You don't know that- it may have seemed like that, but you don't have a
clock, so you don't know. It may have seemed to you as if hours were passing,
but I have proof that they weren't.
A: Hang on- your clock has stopped!
C: Stopped? Don't be silly.
A: It still says 5:49!
C: Of course it does! It hasn't stopped; my clock never changes.
A: Then for crying out loud, get one that does so you can turn up to
appointments on time for a change.
C:Abandon my clock? Trade in my beautiful golden timepiece for some cheap
working substitute? Sir, you must realise that this clock was made by the
Greatest Watchmaker Of Them All, and I would never think of relinquishing it.
After all; clocks made by mortal hands can never be perfect. They will always
be out by a second or two, and such a device will never register the exact
time. My beautiful, unchanging clock is perfectly correct twice a day.
A: But at least a working clock would allow you to attain an approximation of
punctuality.
C: Sacrifice pure truth (however rare) for an approximation? You sicken me!
On guard!
{They both draw their pistols. The CHRISTIAN's pistol is a vast baroque
monstrosity, like a rococco cannon. A handkerchief is dropped, and both
triggers are pulled. The CHRISTIAN's piece fails to perform at all- a
vengeful chorus of miniature organ pipes peal out the final strains of
"Amazing Grace", but no bullet. The ATHEIST's bullet hits the CHRISTIAN above
the right eyebrow, blowing off the back of his head. Unfazed, the bullet
passes on through, and shatters the Perfect Timepiece, which had been
reposing on a rock. The CHRISTIAN, totally unaffected by the loss of his
brain, turns to his wrecked clock (which stands revealed as a mere golden
shell, even emptier than its owner's head) and, seeing that it will never
not-work quite the same again, mutely gathers its remains and walks off into
the desert.}
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be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and
nazi's need not apply.
Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.
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