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Cox and Dicks accuse
China of espionage in order to try to draw attention away from their names
being Cox and Dicks!!!
by HC 
Genitaliaville, DC - (May 26) - Representative Chris Cox
of California, and Representative Norm Dicks of Washington, chairman and
ranking member respectively of the House Committee on National Security
and China, released their glossy 500-page report about massive Chinese
espionage, today, during a star-studded congressional report-releasing
ceremony extravaganza held beside a hearts game where somebody with too
much hubris or the masochism gene was shooting the moon on queen, nine,
three.
The purpose of the report is to try to draw public attention away from
the fact that the names of the two guys who wrote it are, like, COX and
DICKS, and that DICKS is, like, the so-called "ranking MEMBER." If you
know what I mean.
Anyway, according to the glossy 500-page report, back in 1994, China
stole top secret plans from MIT for an advanced new form of fire drill,
while the President wasn't looking or something, and then changed the
color of the packaging and stuck their own brand name on it and started
claiming that THEY invented the fire drill, which they also claimed was
really called the Chinese fire drill.
According to the report, not only that, but the Chinese are also
planning to try to make the Chinese fire drill an Olympic sport and are
already working on the world famous Olympic selection committee members by
giving them college scholarships and vacations in Biarritz up the wazoo
and threatening them with the famous British water torture, if they don't
play along.
E-commerce suddenly found to suck
Internet stocks were sharply down again today on news that somebody had
actually tried to buy something over the internet.
Market sharply down
The market was sharply down again today as stock brokers learned that,
because of huge licensing fees levelled by the Chinese, they could no
longer afford to drive around Manhattan on their lunch hour, slamming on
their brakes and pulling off endless raucous Chinese fire drills at every
stop light and sink hole.
This is apparently a serious blow to the US stock market and its
ancillary so-called "world economy" as it now leaves the brokers with only
snapping towels at each others genitals in the locker room, to relieve
their tension in between trades.
Hawkings admits he made it all up
World famous "cosmologist" Stephen Hawkings, admitted today that, like,
all that stuff about the universe and black holes and collapsing stars an'
stuff, was just a load of bullshit he made up, one day, to save his own
collapsing career.
"Just pulled it all out of my ass," said Hawkings' voice synthesizer,
which he also admitted was a load of crap cause he can actually talk --
but, this way, he has a layer of software and hardware to blame when
somebody politely accuses him of having just pulled it all out of his ass,
one day.
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