-Caveat Lector-
Quiz for Students in Kansas Public Schools
by Lloyd Fricker
H.M.S. Beagle � Issue 61
September 3, 1999
The recent decision by the Kansas Board of Education to ban the teaching
of evolution and anything else that disagrees with creationist views has
left many people wondering, What will they teach in science classes?
Quiz for Students in Kansas Public Schools
1. How much time did it take for the creation of the universe and all the
plants and animals?
(a) 5 days.
(b) 6 days.
(c) 7 days.
(d) 40 days and 40 nights.
See answer
2. All heavenly bodies revolve around:
(a) the earth.
(b) the moon.
(c) Kansas.
(d) the Kansas Board of Education.
See answer
3. The first humans were called:
(a) Homo erectus.
(b) Homo eroticus.
(c) Adam and Eve.
(d) Fred, Wilma, Betty, and Barney.
See answer
4. Charles Darwin was a bad person because:
(a) he didn't believe in the Bible
(b) he studied the clergy for two years but dropped out to go on a
5-year cruise.
(c) he married his cousin.
(d) all of the above.
See answer
5. Natural selection is:
(a) hair coloring.
(b) a brand of granola.
(c) an organic grocery store in Topeka, Kansas.
(d) an herbal alternative to a drug.
See answer
6. The biggest problem with the theory of evolution is that it:
(a) contradicts the word of God.
(b) takes too long.
(c) doesn't explain the existence of good and evil.
(d) all of the above.
See answer
7. The Big Bang is:
(a) another name for the celebration of Independence Day.
(b) a Mafiosi expression meaning "to kill someone."
(c) a pornographic movie.
(d) all of the above.
See answer
8. The age of the universe is:
(a) 7 days.
(b) 40 days and 40 nights.
(c) 6,000 years.
(d) all of the above.
See answer
9. People who don't believe in the Bible's view of Creation are called:
(a) heathen scum.
(b) the devil's helpers.
(c) scientists.
(d) all of the above.
See answer
10.Write a 2 page essay on "How we know the Earth is flat."
See answer
Answers:
1. (a) It took 5 days for the creation of the universe and all the plants
and animals. If you answered "b" (6 days), you were probably thinking of
the time it took to create the universe, the plants, the animals, and the
people.
2. (a) All heavenly bodies revolve around the Earth. If you answered
Kansas, you were partially right since Kansas is the center of the Earth.
3. (c) The first humans were called Adam and Eve. If you answered "d"
you've been watching too much TV. If you answered "a" or "b" you should
wash your mouth out with soap.
4. (d) Charles Darwin was a bad person because of many things. He was
basically a rotten evil person.
5. (d) Natural selection is the term used when someone chooses a herbal
medicine over a drug made by Satan-worshipping scientists.
6. (d) The problem with the theory of evolution is all of the above: it
contradicts eyewitness reports of God, who was the only one present at the
time of creation. It also takes too long and doesn't explain why there
would be good and evil.
7. (a) The Big Bang is another term for a Fourth of July party. If you
answered "c," we will notify your parents.
8. (c) The age of the universe is 6,000 years. If you answered "d" (all of
the above), you are logic-impaired and need to take remedial math classes.
9. (d) People who don't believe in the Bible's description of Creation are
called many bad names including heathen scum, the devil's helpers, and
scientists. These names all mean the same thing.
10. The answers will vary for this essay question on "how we know the
Earth is flat", but all should include the following points:
(a) It's the way it's described in the ancient teachings.
(b) Columbus was mistaken in thinking he'd sailed to
India - it was really just some islands off the coast of
America.
(c) The earth sure looks flat in Kansas.
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