-Caveat Lector-
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: A Joke (I Think)
Date: Sat, 13 Nov 1999 03:16:16 -0500 (EST)
From: "richard w. rozoff" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Reply-To: "Activist Mailing List" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Activist Mailing List - http://get.to/activist
Subject: Microsoft To Buy The U.S. Government
REDMOND, Wash. - Nov. 11, 1999 -- In direct response to
accusations made by the Department of Justice, the
>Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring
>the federal government of the United States of America
>for an undisclosed sum.
>
>"It's actually a logical extension of our planned
>growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really
>is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".
>
>Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the Oval
>Office of the White House with U.S. President Bill
>Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes
>will be "minimal".
>
>The United States will be managed as a wholly owned
>division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
>planned for July of next year, and the federal government
>is expected to be profitable by "Q4 2000 at latest",
>according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
>
>In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he
>had "willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a position
>as a vice president with Microsoft, and will continue to
>manage the United States government, reporting directly
>to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the
>mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled
>and referred to it as "a relief". He went on to say that
>Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens
>should offer Gates their "full support and confidence".
>
>Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the
>$200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in
>his new role at Microsoft. Gates dismissed a suggestion
>that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as "silly",
>though did say that he would make executive decisions
>for the U.S. government from his existing office at
>Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on to say that the
>House and Senate would "of course" be abolished.
>"Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look
>how well we're doing".
>
>When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada
>was proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that
>discussions are taking place". Microsoft representatives
>closed the conference by stating that United States
>citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases
>in government services and discounts on all Microsoft
>products.
>
>About Microsoft
>----------------
>Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the
>worldwide leader in software for personal computers,
>and democratic government. The company offers a wide
>range of products and services for public, business and
>personal use, each designed with the mission of making
>it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage
>of the full power of personal computing and free society
>every day.
>
>About the United States
>-----------------------
>Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most
>successful nation in the history of the world, and has
>been a beacon of democracy and opportunity for over 200
>years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the United
>States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft
>Corporation.
>
>
>
>
>
>
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