-Caveat Lector-
WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL?
We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of
modern life. But you may have wondered What if God decided to install
voicemail?
Imagine praying and hearing this:
Thank you for calling My Father's House.
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS
Press 2 for THANKSGIVING
Press 3 for COMPLAINTS
Press 4 for HEALING
Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS
Press 6 for RAIN
Press 7 for "JUST SAYING HI!"
Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS (good luck, we just guess too)
Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES
Press 0 for this to all begin again
What if God used the familiar excuse..."I'm sorry, all the angels
are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line. Your
call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was
received."
Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in
prayer:
"If you would like to speak to:
Gabriel, Press 11.
For Michael, Press 22.
For a directory of other Archangels, Press 33."
For a directory of Seraphim and Cherubim, Press 44
If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are
holding, please press 55, And then wait for the beep and then enter the
Number
of the Psalm.
To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 66,
enter His/her social security number, then press the pound (#) key, then
date of Birth, then press the pound (#) key twice.
For reservations in one of the Many Mansions, press the letters
J-O-H-N, then 3-1-6.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the
earth, where Noah's Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope, abortion, and UFO's
please wait until you arrive here, they can only be understood from a
"heavenly perspective".
Lucifer, Press 666, and your call will be automatically transferred.
Our computers show that you have already called once today.
Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
This office is closed for the weekend.
Please call again on Monday after 9:30am. But before 4:30 ACST
(Absolute Celestial Standard Time)
Please call again soon, but never on Sunday, That is OUR day of
rest.
DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
==========
CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic
screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing! These are sordid matters
and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright
frauds is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects
spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL
gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers;
be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and
nazi's need not apply.
Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.
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Om
