-Caveat Lector- > Clinton Cancels Millenium > (WTO chaos cited as reason) > November 30, 1999 > > By J.J. Johnson > American Provda Staff Reporter > > SEATTLE (AP-Provda) In the midst of grunge music, fire, unrivaled chaos, and > the smell of > burning coffee grounds, Bill Clinton signed an executive order effectively > putting the > millenium on hold. > > Clinton, speaking from the Seattle Space Needle, said, "Aw, the hell with it! > " as he > signed the order with his famous partial-birth abortion ban veto pen. White > House staffers > said the President made the decision after witnessing the chaos over the > World Trade > Organization insurrection. > > Joe Fatneck, White House Spokesman said that people shooting insulators on > substation > transformers, coordinated traffic stalls on Interstates 5, 90, and 205, and > Bill Gates' > surprise retirement announcement helped Clinton come to his decision. " But > when the > President saw Air Force One in flames over at Boeing Field, I think the > writing was on the > wall." Authorities believe the complete loss of electricity, water, and > sanitation in the > King County Area is what caused what one foreign trade minister called, "The > Y2K preview." > > This morning, Microsoft Chairman and CEO Bill Gates made matters worse by > announcing that > he was retiring, followed by immediately terminating all Microsoft employees. > This moved > shocked the high-tech markets, as Gates revealed that his move was in > response to the > recent judgements made against Microsoft in federal court. > > "This government has preformed an illegal operation," Gates said. "And it [ > Microsoft] will > be shut down. If a problem persists, tell Janet Reno to fix it. " Gates > spoke to over 3000 > reporters that had already been burned out of their hotel rooms. Gates' > spokesman later > said that the Microsoft CEO had spent last evening reading the famous novel, > "Atlas > Shrugged", by Any Rand. Gates spokesman said [Gates] received a copy of the > book from > Boeing Chairman, Philip Condit. > > The Seattle Fire Chief said the fires are under control and, "should be out > in time for > the millenium celebration." The Seattle Police department has a greater > concern: who > crashed the MSN web site? Police believe this action is what caused much of > the power > outages and subsequent rioting in the Seattle area. "According to the FBI, > this could be > worse around the millenium." > > But according to Clinton's latest executive order, there won't be a > millenium. The order > states: > > ".At 11:59 p.m. on 31 December in all time zones, Americans shall set their > clocks back > one hour. This shall be done repeatedly each time a clock reads 11:59 p.m. > This order will > remain in effect until this Executive Order is lifted..." > > Morris Dees of the Southern Perversion Law Center praised the President's > move. "The > President's leadership may prevent right-wing extremists from taking actions > like the one' > s we've seen here." But Dees said no action should be taken against the > environmentalists, > union-organizers, and animal rights activists that have systematically torn > Seattle apart. > "Many of these people share my view. They are not anti-government. They are > not right > wings zealots," he said. "Therefore, it's their first amendment right to > burn, baby burn." > > The President's Chief of Staff said Clinton had also grown tired of White > House staffers > referring to him as "President McKinley" after the fiscal year began on > October 1. The > order, he said, "prevents any computers from having any problems in to the > next year, and > has a positive effect on other issues. He noted that since 2000 will never > arrive, "The > elections can be put on hold. > > Civil Libertarians and anti-government extremists criticized the move as > Clinton trying to > "solidify his power." Cy B. Space, self-proclaimed head of the Computer > Hacker's Militia > of Washington (an IBM compatible group) out of Seattle, was angered over the > President's > executive order. "This is not a silver bullet," he said. "The government > computers will > still go haywire. Our operatives in the IRS gave their word on that." Space > is a computer > contractor for Microsoft's Y2K compliance program. He claims the President > has no right to > alter time. > > But according to Janet Reno, Clinton has the constitutional power to change > time by > Executive Order. "The President has the power to maintain domestic > tranquility, and > protect the National Security. She said that changing time is expressly > written in the > constitution, but could not cite where. "It's been while since I've read the > damn thing. > But we should get guns out of the hands of criminals and children," she said. > > > The FBI in Seattle could not be reached for a Justice Department explanation, > since they > were busy trying to extinguish and investigate the burning wreckage of Air > Force One. They > also would not respond to any of the chaos caused by the WTO protests turned > ugly. "We can > 't worry about that now," said one FBI official who spoke on the condition > on anonymity. > "We are focused on extremists and other anti-government radicals and what > they might do on > New Year's Eve. We feel the firestorm, panic, and pandemonium in Seattle is > more of a > local concern." One reporter was shot and killed by FBI agents after asking > whether or not > the President's canceling of the Year 2000 may change their plans, or made > any sense. > > Authorities cannot say what caused the explosion and fire on Air Force One. > NTSB > investigators said the black box revealed the Captain of the KC-137 was > recorded screaming > and making religious references just before the transmission was cut off. " > The flight data > recorder tells us that Air Force one when into a controlled explosion while > it sat still > on the tarmac. John Hall of the NSTB said there was no evidence of criminal > activity, and > reports of a sub-launched missile slamming into the plane engines were > dismissed by a CIA > video. But Patricia Scotland, the lesbian sub captain who became famous > after the downing > of the Viagara cargo ship, was seen off shore looking through her binoculars > at the ruins > of Air Force One. A statement released from the SSN Ethridge simply read, " > Scotland to > Clinton: No means no!" > > Egyptian and French officials, who were also attending the WTO summit > believe the NTSB and > the FBI are just as capable of investigation the Air Force One incident as > they have been > in investigating other airline crashes in the past. Their statements could > not be printed. > > Democratic leaders said the President's millennial cancellation was a good > move. Focus > group data showed that women and minorities would be hurt most by the > calendar changing to > 2000. Senatrix Barbara Boxer (D- CA) said, "We must do this for the children. > America > stands with us on the World Trade Organization and putting the millenium on > hold. The > bloodbath and destruction in Seattle is a minor event, and just the > religious right's > attempt of deflecting the issue". Boxer also said she would introduce a bill > in the Senate > to help Seattle rebuild, "for the kids." The bill would use money raised > from suing > Microsoft and Boeing. Until then, she said, "Let's party like it's 1999!" > > Copyright 1999 American Provda News Service - all rights reserved. DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic screeds are not allowed. Substance�not soapboxing! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright frauds is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. 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