-Caveat Lector- <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/">
</A> -Cui Bono?-
http://www.sonic.net/~fenwick/chaos/illum50.html
The Illuminati FAQ
by Abner Whateley ([EMAIL PROTECTED])
1. There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret
knowledge. Anything you might say about them (including
this) will be false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which
only adds to the confusion and mystery.
2. The Illuminati infiltrate and take over organizations of all kinds, from
churches to the post office to the corner grocery store, and
turn them to their own ends.
3. And, just as a black joke, some of their subject organizations advertise
themselves as Secret Societies!
4. They have agents and ``sleepers'' planted everywhere. Many of these
people have no idea who they are really reporting to.
Others are active members of the conspiracy, working their way ever deeper
into the fabric of society.
5. They control the schools in order to make sure that young people learn to
enjoy strange tuneless music and weird outlandish
games, and that they dress oddly.
6. They also try to recruit the best and the brightest young people as
agents, to insure the next generation of the Conspiracy.
7. They constantly feud among themselves and war with other groups and
organizations. Each group of Illuminati is constantly
striving to increase its power base and undermine the competition.
8. Their first means of dealing with opposition is to buy it off. To any
group as rich as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are
nothing.
9. Next they try threats. Danger to possessions, status or loved ones has
dissuaded many a would-be foe of Illuminati schemes.
10. And, of course, murder is an ancient political weapon. The Illuminati
have been responsible for some of the most shocking
assassinations of modern times.
11. They also replace people with doubles. For many years they recruited
look-alikes who would serve their ends. Now they are
perfecting cloning technology that will let them replace anybody.
12. Those who can't be dealt with any other way are discredited or driven
mad.
13. The Illuminati conspiracy is hundreds, if not thousands, of years old.
Many of the most famous names of history have been
Illuminated, or Illuminati agents. Indeed, all of history is nothing more
than an outside view of the schemes and struggles of the
Illuminati.
14. And, of course, the Illuminati are constantly rewriting history to serve
their own goals. For instance, modern schoolchildren are
taught that there is no historical evidence of Eris or King Arthur, and they
learn nothing about the Russo-German War or the state
of Arcadia.
15. They control the news media, so you hear what they want you to about
today's news. Any event that doesn't fit in with their
program will be quickly hushed up.
16. In particular, they control television. They don't permit intelligent
shows to survive; they encourage mind candy that will keep
people from thinking. The only reason good shows are permitted to appear at
all is to convince intelligent people that nobody else
likes such material, and that there must be something wrong with them.
17. The Illuminati manipulate the stock market and control currencies on an
international level. Your paycheck is worth just what
the Illuminati want it to be.
18. Likewise, the entire energy crisis is an Illuminati invention. There's
no shortage of energy, of a dozen different kinds, but
plentiful free energy might threaten the Illuminated power base!
19. The Illuminati are doing their best to hold back the space program, for
the same reason. If mankind was spread out through the
solar system, they'd be much harder to control. [Not all the Illuminati
agree on this. Some of them lust after the mineral wealth of
space, and some want (literally) new worlds to conquer.]
20. And some of them are in touch with aliens from outer space. Some of them
ARE aliens. Why would ``advanced beings'' want
to meddle with the affairs of Earthlings? Good question.
21. Worse, some of them have actual magical powers and are in league with
forces from . . . elsewhere. Great huge beings that
are madness to look upon, or tiny, malicious things that glare and gibber
from dark corners. They have pins and dolls; they know
old names.
22. Other Illuminati have embraced technology. Their files of information
are much more useful when backed by the power of the
computer. They are also conditioning everyone to believe that computers are
so complicated and dangerous that only the Experts
should play with them. Next time you get an electric bill for $666,666.66,
you know who's behind it.
23. And some of these technophiles have gone a step farther, creating actual
machine intelligences. These sentient computers are
now, themselves, a force amoung the ruling Illuminati!
24. The Illuminati don't like war; it's expensive and wasteful. War only
happens when two groups of Illuminati are very evenly
matched and neither is willing to negotiate. But then they whip a few
nations into a patriotic fervor and go at it.
25. They send secret messages through the newspapers and airwaves - in the
classified ads, and even buried in news reports.
They have other, even stranger forms of secret communications . . . all
around you, all the time.
26. They keep everyone - yes, everyone - under constant surveillance. Every
time you fill out another questionnaire, you're
weaving another strand of the net that binds the world.
27. They are working to make the law as confusing as possible, so everything
will be illegal or potentially illegal - then they have a
hold on everybody and everyone will fear the laws.
28. They encourage resistance to authority among young people and political
dissidents, to distract government attention from the
real enemy within.
29. But when they reach a satisfactory level of control, they turn their
efforts toward extinguishing independence and encouraging
mindless obedience to whatever orders come from the Illuminati or their
servants.
30. They commit random atrocities - poisoning food at grocery stores,
murdering old blind ladies, sniping on the freeway - just to
make people vaguely confused, frightened and paranoid.
31. They suppress inventions which might change the status quo. The
100-mile-a-gallon carburator, the perfect contraceptive, and
the cornucopia plant are all lying in Illuminati vaults, waiting for the day
when it will suit the Secret Masters to release them. What
happened to the inventors? Bought off, intimidated, or just vanished.
32. On the other hand, they also maintain secret laboratories where they
develop new weapons and devices of all kind.
33. Their arcane investigations cause all sorts of mysteries. Ever wonder
about the Loch Ness Monster? The ``cattle mutilations?''
The Oregon Crud?
34. And they require hundreds of human victims every year for their
experiments. Ever wonder why there are so many Missing
Persons reports, and why so few of those people are found?
35. They are constantly experimenting with new types of mind control. They
put drugs in drinking water, flash subliminal messages
during movies and TV shows, and play instructions that you can't quite hear
over supermarket loudspeakers. They experiment
with microwaves and ultra-low-frequency devices, too.
36. And every wire in your house is a potential pathway for Illuminati
messages, attacks or controlling rays. Did you ever stop to
think just how many wires lead to your house? And do you have any idea where
they really come from?
37. Naturally, they discourage investigation of the strange and unusual,
because it might lead to them. But they encourage people
to joke about the Illuminati.
38. They also publish supermarket tabloids, just to make sure that everybody
thinks "Hitler's Brain Is Alive!" and "Bigfoot Seen In
Hawaii" are just jokes.
39. And they encourage the craziest pseudo-science "researchers" they can
find, because this tends to discredit legitimate
investigators into the unusual.
40. A popular belief is that the Illuminati want power for its own sake.
This is true of some of them. But other Illuminated groups
exist to support an ideology, to achieve a particular goal, or simply to
oppose some other group of Illuminati!
41. One of their chief preoccupations is life extension by any means
possible. Nobody who has held ultimate power for fifty years
is eager to let it go. Anything you can think of . . . yoga, cryonics,
body-exchange, magic, cloning, goat (or other) glands,
transfusions, computerized personality duplication . . . has been tried by
the Illuminati at one time or another. And some of them
work!
42. Furthermore, powerful Illuminati from past centuries lie waiting to be
revived when science allows it. Mummies, pickled
corpses, frozen bodies, conscious brains in jars . . . you would recognize
the names if we could mention them.
43. You're not cleared for this one.
44. They use disease as a weapon to discipline their own populations or
destroy competing ones. Black Death in Europe, smallpox
among the American Indians . . . The swine flu, a few years ago, was
thwarted by opposing forces, or you probably wouldn't be
reading this.
45. They have a variety of unhuman and inhuman servants. The dreaded Men in
Black are perhaps their best-known agents. No
one knows whether the MIBs are androids, golems, or something even worse.
Perhaps they were once human . . .
46. And they really are breeding a Master Race. The Nazis had no idea how
they were being used, or why. And they'd be
horrified at the Illuminati's idea of perfection!
47. The Illuminati know weird sexual techniques undreamed of in the Kama
Sutra. They also know why those techniques are
used.
48. The next time you spend too much money to buy something you didn't want
or need, and it breaks in a week, you can be sure
you've just contributed to an Illuminati fund-raising project.
49. They start chain letters. They also plant rumors that the Red Cross can
buy an iron lung if you send them a million cigarette
packages, and that dying children in England want ten million business
cards. No one knows why they do this.
50. Fnord.
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