>From The Times (UK)
http://www.the-times.co.uk/news/pages/tim/2000/04/19/timopnope01004.html

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April 19 2000
OPINION

Thanks so much for having me, Mr Blair From the President of the Russian
Federation

To Tony Blair

Dear Tony,

Thank you for your hospitality. I am a man careful of his words and of little
wit. I enjoyed lunch and was happy to meet your press. What fools. As for the
lady to whom you sent me for tea at Windsor, what was that supposed to be
about? Anyway, thank you.

To business. I am told I do not smile much. I do not smile. I am trained KGB.
Governing Russia is no smiling matter. The place is rotten and without
discipline. You see two bags under my eyes? One is Chechnya, the other is
corruption. That is why I do not smile.

I am afraid Westerners still do not understand Russia. You talk all the time of
Chechnya, as if you meant to rule the world. I wish to rule only Russia. We
have Muslim fanatics raging through our southern provinces. Why do I need to
defend my actions to your press? We fought these terrorists and then tried
letting them rule in Grozny. It did not work. Chechnya was in anarchy. Those
people killed anyone, including British civilians. They were invading Dagestan.
This is a dangerous, turbulent part of the world. It is our Balkans. We must be
firm, and I had to let our soldiers do the job we asked them to do. As you
unleashed Nato's bombers last year, so I unleashed mine. The difference is that
I persuaded your enemy to cave in before mine did.

The Russian Army is charged with flattening cities, creating refugees and
committing human rights atrocities. Democrats cannot have it both ways. I have
the same problem that you had in Yugoslavia with infantry casualties. Nobody
wants them. So we used bombs, not bullets, which are less accurate. You are
still bombing Iraq, killing people every week. You do not tell your country
about this. You claim only to be standing firm against Muslim extremism. That
is what Russia is doing in Chechnya.

I am apparently accused of using "disproportionate firepower". Last year Nato
bombed the cities of Belgrade and Novi Sad and Nis. You hit houses, markets,
offices, railways, bridges and said you would go on until Milosevic
capitulated. From your rhetoric, I am sure you would have "flattened" Belgrade.

Did Nato kill more civilians than has Russia? Who knows? Is morality in the
body count? There are also 250,000 refugees in Serbia, driven out of Nato's
puppet state of Kosovo, often in Nato trucks. Your press publicises Chechen
refugees, my press publicises Serbian ones. You claim not to be responsible for
what your KLA allies do on the ground. We shall doubtless say the same in
Grozny. We are both members of the realpolitik club. The difference is that
Chechnya is part of Russia. I did not lecture you on Northern Ireland.

Some journalist had the cheek to ask me about human rights abuses. What of the
human rights of Iraqi civilians, of Serb refugees, of Kosovan Gypsies, or of
the hundreds of children orphaned by Nato bombing? Where do your two-faced
journalists think Grozny is located, somewhere north of Islington? I have
agreed a commission to look into military abuses. I can tell you, it will be
fudged and do no good.

I see you have a commission looking into your own military atrocities in
Northern Ireland. I note that it is dealing with killings 30 years after the
event. I offer you a deal, Tony. I will activate my Chechnya commission,
British style, in 2030. You Westerners are still imperialists at heart. You
cannot keep your noses out of other people's business.

There is, however, a matter on which I would appreciate real help. I admire the
way you slipped in ahead of Clinton and the others and came first to see me.
There was little in this for you except some glamorous photo calls at the
Mariinsky Theatre. But you could be a useful intermediary, like your hero
Margaret Thatcher, between Russia and the pestilential Americans. I am now
slashing our nuclear arsenal. The Duma ratified Start 2 last Friday. Do not
underestimate the historic significance of this. I soon intend to eliminate all
our multi-warhead missiles, the most feared of Russian weapons. Under Start 3
the arsenal will reduce to just 1,500 single-head missiles. Nato has demanded
this for three decades. We will deliver.

So why is Washington seeking to abrogate the ABM Treaty, to push ahead with its
anti-ballistic missile Star Wars programme? The programme is a technological
fantasy. You know that. Yet any treaty revision will infuriate Russia's
military. The way to contain rogue states is by fighting them, as in the Gulf
and Chechnya. None of us needs Star Wars against Pakistan or Iraq. Nuclear war
is avoided by us all sticking with non-proliferation and continuing to destroy
missiles.

Russia is not joking. It has swallowed one humiliation after another. We pulled
back from Serbia and even got you off the hook in Kosovo. We endured your
moralising on Chechnya. We accepted the bitter pill of Nato enlargement. We did
all this with no predicted nationalist coup. I kept our hawks in line. Why
can't Clinton do the same on ABM? Perhaps the Communists were right. Washington
is all military-industrial complex and no government. Perhaps it is as corrupt
as Moscow. You claim to be a nuclear disarmer, Tony. Prove it.

On the subject of corruption I heard the CBI say that they "can do business
with Putin". Tell them the days of doing business with people like Putin are
over. They must do business with the Russian people, and that means opening
their doors to trade. For ten years I have watched your bankers in bed with our
bankers, laundering World Bank and IMF aid. I watched that aid make Russia's
rich richer and its poor poorer. Our growth rate was negative. Even our
population is declining. Half the aid has been stolen, the other half
channelled back to Western banks. In St Petersburg I watch aid corrupt my
friend, Mayor Sobchak. Russia's biggest problem is corruption and the biggest
corrupter is aid.

I know I must police Russia's new economy. I must collect taxes and enforce
company law and regulate internal markets. If Poland can do it, then Russia
can. But what it needs above all is trade, and that is what you are least
inclined to offer. We poor states are the same. You love lending us money,
because it makes you seem generous and your taxpayers guarantee it. We waste it
and then have to give it back with interest. Trade is different. The European
Union hates it as much as America hates it, because it upsets the producer
lobbies. Yet a free market for trade is the one aid that can discipline Russia
and generate a market economy.

That and order. Russia needs order. It needs the culture of the KGB at its
best, of my one-time lord and master, Yuri Andropov. It needs the cunning of
the spy and the discipline of the State. It needs nastiness. I must be nasty to
venal businessmen and corrupt officials. I must be nasty to provincial
governors. I must be nasty to the press, and perhaps to many one-time
dissidents much loved in your country. I will be described as backsliding on
democracy, as "a disappointment". The best news I can offer you is that my
enemies would be yours: the incompetents, speculators, black marketeers,
Yeltsin courtiers and mafiosi. They are the ghosts of Russia's past, of a
gigantic history and a world power.

You may think that my cold exterior hides a warm heart. Pray that it does not.
I am young and have yet to suffer the occupational disease of Kremlin
occupants, that of vanity. I am determined, sober, clever, plain-speaking,
uncorrupted. History suggests that I will not be this for long. You can lecture
me all you like. It will merely earn my contempt. Your interest must lie in a
stronger, more confident Russia. With Putin, you have a window of opportunity
to get that Russia, or do you want another Yeltsin?

By the way, they tell me you like big cars, motorcades, VIP fast lanes, the old
Communist stuff. I confess, I like them too. Perks were the one thing the old
guard got right. Let me send you the new Zil 7-seater stretch-limo. It is
armour-plated top, bottom and sides, leather interior, V8 engine, with 118mph
top speed. With outriders, it did Windsor to Heathrow in five minutes. It will
show your Ken Livingstone who's really in control.

Yours ever,
Vladimir


{{<End>}}

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