Why are conservative gun nuts not funny?
I believe it has to do with sphincter physics
and the ability of the body to move oxygenated blood
to the brain.
Joshua2
======================
MICHAEL SPITZER wrote:
>
> GORESPEAK SIMPLIFIED
>
> WHAT'S THIS COMMIE REALLY SAYIN'?
>
> By: Michael J. Bates
>
> Lately folks around town have expressed their confusion in tryin’
> to understand what exactly it is the Rice-President in charge of
> gettin’ himself elected Totalitarian-in-Chief is sayin’ every
> time he opens his yap to hawk up some more Gorespeak. As Zed
> Zonker, owner of Zonker’s Guns & Bait Tavern, puts it, "what the
> hell’s that drooper jawin’ about now, an how long is he goin’ to
> stay on the side of the fence he’s standin’ on when he says it?"
>
> In an effort to clarify some of the crap comin’ outta the mouth
> of the Chinese communists’ favorite politician, an’ so better
> serve the good citizens of Last Ditch Attempt, an Ad Hoc
> committee of local luminaries was formed to study an’ try to
> decipher some of Al’s gibberish.
>
> The committee consisted of: Mr. Biggun Stump, owner of The Last
> Ditch Attempt Saloon (Guns & Bait In The Back); Miss Mobeta
> Tingler, owner of Tingler’s Gamin’ Center An’ House Of Horizontal
> Refreshment (Check Yer Guns At The Door – Bait’s Upstairs); Mr.
> Dirty Neck Hickey, President of the Last Ditch Attempt Huntin’ &
> Fishin’ Club (Guns & Bait Everwhere Ya Look). Soon as they
> figured out what "Ad Hoc" meant they got down to it an’ these
> here are their translations of what they think Al’s REALLY sayin’
> when he cuts loose with his GORESPEAK.
>
> Gorespeak – "I got a whole book about what I’m going to do."
> Translation – My socialist manifesto is on sale now.
>
> Gorespeak – "It ought to be possible to establish a coordinated
> global program to accomplish the strategic goal of completely
> eliminating the internal combution engine over, say, a
> twenty-five year period." Translation – Yer children will plow
> behind mules in the comin’ world gulag.
>
> Gorespeak – "I volunteered to cooperate fully as I have from the
> beginning of the investigation." Translation – I ain’t told the
> truth in thirty years, why start now?
>
> Gorespeak – "There is no controlling legal authority..."
> Translation – I’M the law, so shut the hell up and gimme yer
> wallet.
>
> Gorespeak – Decisions should be made "in the best interest of the
> 6-year-old child." (Elian Gonzalez) Translation – Don’t ask me,
> I’m not gettin’ in the middle of this mess. On the other hand, I
> invented Cubans, so they owe me their votes.
>
> Gorespeak – "I will fight for all the people ... including
> janitors." Translation – I will OWN all the people ...
> including janitors.
>
> Gorespeak – "This is not only the most successful event ever" – A
> $25,000 a head fundraiser held in California’s Silicon Valley –
> "but it has broken the old record by a long shot." Translation –
> It’s good to be the King.
>
> Gorespeak – "I didn’t know it was a fund raising event."
> Translation – I didn’t know I was goin’ to get caught takin’
> money from communists.
>
> Gorespeak – "The Democracy Endowment will break the link between
> money and political influence." Translation – I’ll have all the
> money, an’ that influences the hell outta me.
>
> Gorespeak – "I know firsthand what is wrong with the way we fund
> our political campaigns." Translation – I’ve been lyin’, cheatin’
> and stealin’ my entire political career.
>
> Gorespeak – "Tony Coelho is doing a terrific job day after day.
> He will continue to do a terrific job." Translation – Tony Coelho
> is a damn fine little thief, he will continue to be a damn fine
> thief.
>
> Gorespeak – "The details of donations are a science I do not
> involve myself in." Translation – I don’t know the names of all
> the bagmen I use to collect my graft money.
>
> Gorespeak – "My commitment to changing America’s campaign finance
> laws is both personal and profound." Translation – I don’t EVER
> wanna get caught takin’ payoffs again.
>
> Gorespeak – "There certainly is not anything wrong with my
> relationship with Occidental Petroleum." Translation – I’m rakin’
> in the dough hand over fist, what’s wrong with that?
>
> Gorespeak – "We are ready for any unforseen event which may or
> may not occur." Translation – We can spin ANYTHING any damn way
> we want.
>
> Gorespeak – "I took the initiative in inventing the Internet..."
> Translation – Y’all wanna buy some beachfront property in
> Nebraska?
>
> Gorespeak – "Every American has the right to health care
> insurance." Translation – Carry out yer own dead.
>
> Gorespeak – "No child should go without care in these strong
> economic times." Translation – Janet Reno’s gonna carry out yer
> dead.
>
> Gorespeak – "I made a change, I started answering questions
> without waiting to analyze what the administration’s agenda was."
> Translation – Bill said I could start tellin’ my own lies.
>
> Gorespeak – "I began to dig deep to find ways I could communicate
> what I was trying to say in this campaign in a more effective
> way." Translation – Y’all wouldn’t believe how CHEAP it is to buy
> off the mainstream media.
>
> Gorespeak – "If you give me a chance, I will be a law-and-order
> President." Translation – The thugs that pass for law around here
> will be roundin’ y’all up in short order.
>
> Gorespeak – "We have to stand up to the NRA ... and get guns out
> of the hands of people who shouldn’ have them." Translation – Put
> yer hands on yer heads an’ get into them boxcars pronto!
>
> The committee will now summarize their findins’.
>
> Miss Mobeta Tingler – This polecat has been in my place of
> business. He’s a confidence man from the word go an’ if he shakes
> yer hand you’d best be countin’ yer fingers. His favorite girl
> is Ophelia Olover, an’ she says he’s a short-time-skivvy-boy
> who’s always changin’ his positions!
>
> Mr. Dirty Neck Hickey – His talkin’ sounds like somethin’ what
> fell outta a tall mule.
>
> Mr. Biggun Stump – Washington used ta be a swamp, an’ this here
> fella is just some of the scum that floated to the top of it.
> He does so much panderin’ it’s a wonder I’ve never seen him in
> his Superfly outfit, an’ he couldn’t tell the truth if he had a
> mouth full of it. This yahoo is one of the prime reasons for
> HAVIN’ the Second Amendment. He can have my guns when he pries
> ‘em outta my COLD DEAD HANDS!
>
> This has been a public service announcement from the folks of
> Last Ditch Attempt. Try not to step in any Gorespeak. Y’all take
> care now, hear.
>
> =================================================================
> Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh, YHVH, TZEVAOT
>
> FROM THE DESK OF: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> *Mike Spitzer* <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> ~~~~~~~~ <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
>
> The Best Way To Destroy Enemies Is To Change Them To Friends
> Shalom, A Salaam Aleikum, and to all, A Good Day.
> =================================================================
>
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<A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/">www.ctrl.org</A>
DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
==========
CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic
screeds are unwelcomed. Substance—not soap-boxing—please! These are
sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'—with its many half-truths,
misdirections
and outright frauds—is used politically by different groups with major and
minor
effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said,
CTRL
gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers;
be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credence to Holocaust denial and
nazi's need not apply.
Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.
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