XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX FRI JULY 07 2000 13:42:09 ET XXXXX
CLINTON PENIS SPEAKS, ESZTERHAS UNLEASHED; WHITE HOUSE ‘FURIOUS’
**Exclusive**
"He’s trying to muzzle Willard. I thought it was only fair that
Willard finally be heard, especially since so many people have
seen him. Mr. President, Free Willard! Let Willard stick up for
himself!"
That’s author Joe Eszterhas’s response to the DRUDGE REPORT’s
exclusive that President Clinton is angry at his book AMERICAN
RHAPSODY in which Willard – Clinton’s name for his penis –
speaks!
But now, in an excerpt from the book obtained by the DRUDGE
REPORT, Willard says:
"Billy doesn’t love Hilla the Hun. He never has. He loves me…
Billy’s worked me hard my whole life, but I’m not tired. I’ve
never been inoperative. I’ve always had a lot of get-up-and-go…
The attention he pays to me is nice. Nurturing. Enabling.
Empowering… I’ve seen almost as much sunshine as Billy. I’m an
overachiever who’s been externalized with an air of grandiosity."
A senior White House aide, who was read excerpts on Friday,
blasted the project.
"This is way out of bounds. Outrageous!" declared the aide.
"The president will not be amused... the publisher should be
ashamed. Why humiliate the first lady?"
Comedian Bill Maher, who recently hosted a fund-raiser for
Clinton, will play Willard in NEW MILLENNIUM’s audio presentation
of the book, the DRUDGE REPORT can now confirm.
President Clinton has privately expressed disappointment in Maher
playing his penis, the senior adviser said.
"It’s just something we’d rather not have in the stores," said
the aide. "We’d hope everyone involved would show taste and
discretion."
But these final days of the Clinton presidency are difficult for
Willard, according to Eszterhas’s book, set for release July 18th
by KNOPF.
Clinton's penis: "They’re trashing me everywhere and for the
first time in my life I’m worried about sags in my self esteem.
They say I’m too small and point out that Marla Maples calls the
Donald’s ‘Trump Tower.’ Well, I’m not too small. From what
Truman Capote said, I’m probably bigger than Jack’s or Bobby’s
but not as big as LBJ’s, who called his ‘Jumbo.’ Please I’m
healthy and All-American! I’ve always been user friendly, equal
opportunity, global, and all-inclusive."
Willard, as reported by Eszterhas’s book, feels wistful about
Monica Lewinsky. "Had it all turned out differently," Willard
says, "I could have had a lot of fun with her. Gennifer Flowers
in training maybe. She was a young woman with great
interpersonal, inappropriate potential."
Eszterhas is set to appear on NBC’s TODAY show the day RHAPSODY
is launched. But producers will ask the author not to reference
Clinton’s talking penis, according to network sources.
Developing...
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The Best Way To Destroy Enemies Is To Change Them To Friends
Shalom, A Salaam Aleikum, and to all, A Good Day.
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