from:
http://www.aci.net/kalliste/
Click Here: <A HREF="http://www.aci.net/kalliste/">The Home Page of J. Orlin
Grabbe</A>
-----
Big Brother
Come Back Soon (or Else)
by J. Orlin Grabbe
One of the evils of regulation is that regulated industries all eventually
become arms of the Big Brother State. We've seen it happen in banking. Now it
seems to be infecting airlines as well. Soon you won't be able to get there
from here.
Heading home to Costa Rica recently at the end of a trip to the Land of the
Free, I showed up at the American Airlines desk to pick up a boarding pass on
my electronic ticket.
"That's funny," the agent said, "I can't seem to find the return segment of
your flight."
"This is the return segment," I said helpfully. "I live in Costa Rica."
"You live in Costa Rica?" She read her computer terminal for a bit. "Do you
have some document that shows you live in Costa Rica?"
"No," I said, but made a mental note to take a picture of my house sometime,
and have it notarized by the Ministry of Jesus.
She read some more. "Do you have a visa?" she asked.
"Nope. Don't need one."
"I'm just going by what it says in the computer," she apologized. I shrugged.
She punched and probed, and after a while called over a supervisor. "He
doesn't have a return ticket. He says he lives in Costa Rica." The supervisor
didn't look at me. He also looked to see what it said in the computer.
"Do you have a tourist card?" they finally asked.
"No, don't need one."
"But you are only allowed to stay in Costa Rica for 90 days. So how can you
be living there? You have to have a return ticket."
Now it was my turn to be puzzled. What business was all this of American
Airlines? Who was to say I wasn't going on to Panama in another week? And if
I was indeed returning to the US, who said I had to book my return flight
through American Airlines? However, nice guy that I am, I skipped over these
considerations and told them the simple truth:
"I'm too restless to stay anywhere for 90 days. So it's not a problem."
The supervisor whispered: "See if he has a security passport." They punched
buttons in the computer for a while, and eventually satisfied themselves I
didn't have a security passport (whatever that was).
They looked at me. "I don't care," I said. "Book me a return flight 90 days
from how." While the agent did this I pointed out: "You realize why you're
just wasting your own time, don't you? I'm simply going to change the
reservation later."
Confession time on her part. "Well, if there is not a return flight booked,
we get fined."
"You get fined by whom?" I asked.
"By the government." I pondered this. Did Costa Rica require a return ticket
as a condition for landing rights, to avoid being buried in an immigrant wave
of gringos?
"By which government?" I asked. "The Costa Rican government or the US
government?"
"The US government," she said.
So there you have it: American Airline administers a non- existent US law
that you can't go to Costa Rica without a return ticket. I didn't bother to
further point out how idiotic this was, nor did I inquire as to the reasons
for the new rule. I suspected (speculated) it had something to do with the
lack of an extradition agreement between the US and Costa Rica. After all,
Janet Reno had come down recently and, when she was not sleeping or shaking
in public, threatened all the expatriate Americans she was going to get them.
So I flew home to Costa Rica, and promptly cancelled my "return" flight to
the US. After all, I'll soon be out of here again, on my way to Brazil to
investigate the national security implications of the demise of the thong
bikini. And I won't be taking American Airlines.
Liberty, September, 2000
-----
Aloha, He'Ping,
Om, Shalom, Salaam.
Em Hotep, Peace Be,
All My Relations.
Omnia Bona Bonis,
Adieu, Adios, Aloha.
Amen.
Roads End
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