-Caveat Lector- > Source: SatireWire > Published: 1/19/2000 > Posted on 01/19/2001 17:52:14 PST by Gomez > Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) � Only hours after President Clinton > struck > a deal to avoid prosecution by admitting he lied in court about > Monica > Lewinsky, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer announced the entire company > will > admit to an affair with Lewinsky if the government will drop the case > against it, too. > > In a prepared statement, Ballmer said people were "sick and tired" of > both > the Clinton proceedings and the Microsoft trial, and noted that both > defendants should be given the same settlement, "especially since > we're both > guilty of the same thing." > > "Microsoft did have an inappropriate relationship with that woman, > Miss > Lewinsky, and it was wrong of us not to testify to that in court," > the > statement said. "This has been painful to the entire Microsoft family > of > products, and I hope our actions today will help bring closure and > finality > to the matters." > > U.S. District Court Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson, however, declared > the > confession "irrelevant" to the case, which is awaiting a date in > appeals > court. "I don't care if they admit cheating with Paul Jones and > (Rev.) Jesse > Jackson," he said. > > In response, Ballmer said Microsoft was prepared to confess to those > as > well, although he insisted a Rev. Jackson disclosure would require "a > little > something" back, such as the complete revocation of the Sherman > Antitrust > Act. > > Ballmer refused to make public details of the alleged affair, but > according > to an inside source, Lewinsky briefly worked as an intern in Redmond > in > 1997, shortly after leaving the White House. According to the source, > Lewinsky met several times with the company, usually at night, where > certain > sexual acts were performed on the corporation. Often, Microsoft would > lean > against a doorway, or sit on the edge of a desk. > > Copyright � 2001, SatireWire. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Auctions - Buy the things you want at great prices. http://auctions.yahoo.com/ <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/">www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substance�not soap-boxing�please! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'�with its many half-truths, mis- directions and outright frauds�is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRLgives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector. ======================================================================== Archives Available at: http://peach.ease.lsoft.com/archives/ctrl.html <A HREF="http://peach.ease.lsoft.com/archives/ctrl.html">Archives of [EMAIL PROTECTED]</A> http:[EMAIL PROTECTED]/ <A HREF="http:[EMAIL PROTECTED]/">ctrl</A> ======================================================================== To subscribe to Conspiracy Theory Research List[CTRL] send email: SUBSCRIBE CTRL [to:] [EMAIL PROTECTED] To UNsubscribe to Conspiracy Theory Research List[CTRL] send email: SIGNOFF CTRL [to:] [EMAIL PROTECTED] Om
