-Caveat Lector-
{{Humor but evenly poked at all sides, so very deserving.
Rather long. AKE}}
> Forwarded by the brilliant, astute Them:
>
> "Indeed, there is nothing wrong with the Republican
leadership in the
> Senate
> that a brisk mutiny couldn't cure...The Senate is a circus
that never
> leaves
> town, and the Clintons are the guests that never go home.
It's time we
> threw
> their coats out on the front lawn and see if they take the
hint."
>
> ======================================================
> THE U.S. SENATE:
> A CIRCUS THAT WON'T LEAVE TOWN
>
> By: Norman Liebmann
>
> Clinton is giving America his goodbye kiss of death by
spackling the
> government with socialist apparachiks, minority judges
programmed to
> exonerate the lawbreakers of their own tribe and
incompetents of every
> stripe and approach. With his bride having safely finessed
the Jews in
> New
> York, Bill Clinton has invited Yasser Arafat for one final
slather,
> tremble
> and drool across the Clinton-defiled premises of the White
House. He has
>
> coaxed this chronically stubbled, palsied mess to join him
in
> administering
> a last fatal dose of presumably kosher strychnine to God's
Chosen
> People.
> If
> Arafat succeeds in killing every last Jew in Israel,
history will credit
>
> Bill Clinton with an assist. This is among his lasting
endowments, the
> true
> legacy rendered in the final ugly moments of this
Kafka-esque Presidency
> -
> a
> last shudder in Clinton's politics of personal destruction
before he
> moves
> on to pursue, full time, the politics of personal
erection.
>
> Meanwhile, to no one's surprise, the U.S. Senate remains
comatose. The
> Senate is a place where there is nothing happening every
moment, and
> they
> have chosen this critical moment in history (Jews might
call it aref
> Armageddon) not to break with that tradition. The Senate
ordains that
> tinkering is progress, and that nothing shall pass through
its bowels in
>
> the
> pristine state. These solons live only to attach riders to
blunt the
> original intent of any bill. They are like a bunch of
nomads wandering
> in
> the desert dying of thirst who find half a canteen of
water and want to
> urinate in it to make it more.) Only CSPAN2 is still
riveted by watching
>
> these clucks waddling around their Senate Chamber like a
colony of
> penguins.
>
> SENATRIX HILLARY
>
> The Senate did manage, however, to rouse itself from its
customary
> legislative torpor to bid a fawning welcome of feigned
gallantry to the
> formidable flanks of Hillary Clinton. Women are an anomaly
if only for
> being
> the one minority that outnumbers the majority - except in
the Senate.
> Still,
> with the addition of Hillary, the Senate now has a record
number of
> women
> on
> its roster. Apparently, American voters feel if they
cannot have
> Senators
> with courage they can at least have a few more with
cleavage.
>
> Hillary appeared wearing one of her innumerable prosthetic
pantsuits,
> designed to conceal a body that has Volkswagen boobs and
Humvee hips.
> She
> was given a hug by Senator Strom Thurmond who is 98 years
old,
> apparently
> the age when Senators begin to notice girls. The ancient
South
> Carolinian
> is
> still sexually active, and his doctor estimates, ten years
after he's
> passed
> on they will still be trying to beat his prostate to death
with a stick.
>
> The
> Styrofoam cordiality and bubble wrap gallantry
notwithstanding, Hillary
> is
> as welcome in the Senate as a crack in a glass eyeball.
The more
> perceptive
> tabloids might caption the photo-op event, "Nurse Ratchet
Comes to
> Capitol
> Hill." Hillary will be a radical indisposition to the male
members. They
>
> prefer the sallowy and sedative personality of Patty
Murray, a cross
> between
> Jane Eyre and Minnie Mouse
>
> Hillary, the Nefertite of the Ozarks, arrived in the
Senate chamber with
>
> Bubba holding her hand, shlepping her along in a reprise
of the first
> day
> in
> kindergarten. Hillary is acknowledged as the smartest and
wronged-est
> woman
> in the world, although the two would seem to contradict
each other.
> Bubba
> done her wrong, but by any standard of taste, not wrong
enough. The
> Senate
> will pay for that. In Hillary they hit the mother lode of
incoming
> abuse.
> Her presence will tax even that cowardly body's capacity
to just "suck
> it
> up."
>
> Hillary will be accorded the honor of throwing the first
lamp of the
> Senatorial session. Trent Lott has volunteered to be her
target and will
>
> walk back and forth across the chamber dressed in a bear
suit. The
> Senate
> Clerk will record a thrown lamp that finds its mark as a
"no" vote.
>
> [Note: Hillary thinks of herself as Wellesley-manicured
Mother Gin
> Sling,
> the jilted lady who took revenge on all men by opening a
cat house in
> Shanghai. (Some revenge!) Hillary plans her own vengeance
by
> establishing a
> Senate Subcommittee on Wronged Women's Affairs. It will
seek reparations
>
> paid to women for being women. Whether Hillary herself
will be eligible
> is
> moot. Nobody ever asked her whether she wanted to be a
woman, nor did
> they
> question the wisdom of her decision when she seceded from
that gender.]
>
> Hillary's election assures us of the dignity and common
sense Lizzie
> Borden
> displayed in opting to become an axe murderer rather than
run for the
> Senate. With Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, in the ebb tide of
his Presidency
> of
> the Senate, had the ambiguous nicety of administering an
oath to a
> heretic,
> a ceremony in which hypocrisy achieved orgasm.
>
> Hillary has been assigned three parking spaces in the
senatorial lot,
> due
> to
> her limited driving skills, which only allow her to park
diagonally. Her
>
> car
> bears New York plates and a bumper sticker that reads,
"Some of my best
> friends are not Jewish."
>
> Following her husband's example, Hillary will likely have
a staff that
> looks
> like Clinton's America. It will include a homosexual Boy
Scout, an AIDS
> carrier who does body-piercing, a sexual surrogate who
makes house
> calls, a
> rapist available for conjugal visits, a doctor who
performs partial
> birth
> abortions accompanied by rap music, a pederast who lures
children with
> methamphetamine-laced Hershey bars (he also authored the
book, "It
> Raises a
> Village to Take a Child"), a floating bucket shop from the
Lippo group,
> an
> investment broker in cattle futures who gets his tips by
being intimate
> with
> cattle, a minority member who couldn't fill out an
application so he
> submitted his "rap" sheet, a teenager who can jump start
cars using only
>
> his
> teeth, a transsexual charging his alteration to Medicare,
a ghost writer
>
> who
> forges prescriptions for all the junkies on Hillary's
staff, a Zulu who
> spears lunch, and, of course, Chelsea, the cabbage patch
debutante, who
> goes
> everywhere with Hillary at taxpayer expense, who will
share her mother's
>
> desk, and receive a senator's salary. It has been
explained that Chelsea
>
> must remain close to the teat, having been nourished and
is maintained
> on
> dragon's milk.
>
> The hokey bromide embroidered and framed on Hillary's
Senate office wall
>
> reads "I must be cruel in order to be cruel." The Democrat
leadership
> decided her innate viciousness would make her perfect to
chair the
> Senate
> Subcommittee on Bitchcraft. The chair on the Committee on
Bondage and
> Domination already went to Barbara Boxer, rumored to keep
her own odd
> sexual
> inclination constantly appeased by wearing a leather
tampon. If nothing
> else, Hillary's installation in the Senate will inspire a
more virulent
> wave
> of misogynistic limericks on the walls of men's rooms in
Chevron
> stations
> across the nation.
>
> TRENT LOTT: THE MAJORITY LOSER
>
> It is inevitable that the current spunkless aggregation of
Senate
> Republicans should choose as their helmsman, that parcel
of goose flesh
> and
> puddle of permissiveness, Trent Lott. Hence, the 107th
Senate will yield
>
> Hillary even more obsequious deference than she wallowed
in at the White
>
> House. It will require no adjustment from humiliating
bureaucratic
> sycophants to Senators who are by nature servile. Eight
years of
> intimidating the thralls that slithered around the Clinton
White House
> has
> prepared Hillary for dealing with Trent Lott, the Majority
Castrado of
> the
> Senate. Transacting with Trent Lott is a lateral move
(from "bent" to
> Trent.) Hillary practiced for dealing with Trent Lott by
trapping flies
> against a windowpane.
>
> Trent Lott is an even more abject coward than Hillary's
hubby is a
> megalomaniac perjurer, pervert and traitor. Early on,
Trent Lott showed
> he
> did not have much fortitude - when camping in the woods he
got treed by
> a
> salamander. An embarrassment to manhood, Trent Lott
arrived at the
> Senate
> chewed, pre-digested, his enzymes having already reduced
his substance
> to
> its components of pusillanimity. It has been rumored Trent
Lott's lack
> of
> substantial matter is attributable to the fact that he was
sired through
> a
> bubble pipe. As a tad, his name became a metaphor for
triviality,
> timidity,
> shallowness and inconsequence. Children racing toward the
ol' swimming
> hole
> would taunt, "Last one in is a Trent Lott."
>
> Trent Lott is a victim's victim and a eunuch's eunuch.
Trent Lott lost
> his
> will to contend while still in the womb. Arguing with
Trent Lott is like
>
> playing handball against a blanket. Nothing comes back.
Trent Lott's
> innate
> posture is one of supplication. So much so, whenever he's
flat on his
> back,
> his doctor promises, "Don't worry, Trent Lott, we'll have
you back on
> your
> knees in no time." Trent Lott cannot be humiliated since
his pride and
> character are yet to be found, hence there can be no
victory for Hillary
>
> over Trent Lott in the Senate. Trent Lott makes much of
his Southern
> heritage, but the sight of him would make Robert E. Lee's
gallant steed,
>
> Traveler, barf in its feed bag. Trent Lott is said to hold
the lifetime
> record for winning the Empty Scrotum Award. Trent Lott
takes more shit
> in
> one day than a septic tank at the Home for the Chronically
Incontinent
> after
> the patients came back from a week ingesting the waters in
Guadalajara.
>
> Trent Lott is an invertebrate. Trent Lott has no backbone
and not much
> front
> bone. Trent Lott's skull never hardened beyond cartilage.
Even at the
> height
> of his sexual arousal, Trent Lott's member is said to
resemble escargot.
>
> The
> two-inch spine Trent Lott once possessed now rests in a
velveteen
> display
> case among the paste diamonds and pearls in K-Mart's
> You-Gotta-Be-Kidding
> Department. Trent Lott has the mucosin consistency of a
two-minute egg
> and
> the soft, white, foam rubber surrender of the Pillsbury
Dough Boy.
> People
> ar
> e reluctant to say "How do you do" to Trent Lott for fear
the impact of
> the
> words will leave indentations on his body.
>
> Trent Lott was already yoked and it remained only for
Hillary to attach
> a
> tether to the ring through his nose, lead him to the well
of the Senate
> and
> start the opening session by taking down his trousers and
expose his
> girlish
> pink butt for the ritual opening day spanking. Trent
Lott's squealing
> and
> mewling will be the most memorable remarks he has made
during his entire
>
> career in the Senate.
>
> Trent Lott's disposition has earned him many colorful
slurs and
> sobriquets
> -
> The Milksop of Mississippi, the Doormat of the Delta, the
Sissy of the
> South, the Pussy of Pascagula. Trent Lott has the heart of
a minnow. At
> Ole
> Miss, Trent Lott quarterbacked in intra-house football. At
a critical
> moment
> in the game, Trent Lott tried to throw in the towel,
couldn't get it
> away
> and had to eat it.
>
> Trent Lott celebrates not the day of his birth but the
anniversary of
> his
> neutering. (Everyone in the Senate has repeatedly been
shown Trent
> Lott's
> operation.) Trent Lott looks like a manikin in the window
of a tuxedo
> rental
> store. Trent Lott's appearance of a dapper floorwalker
diverts people
> from
> what is essentially a silly putty mentality. Trent Lott
has a crepe
> paper
> rear aperture, and when he cuts himself shaving he bleeds
something that
> is
> unpleasantly remindful of tapioca pudding. Trent Lott's
last will and
> testament requires him to be buried face down in case Bill
Clinton
> decides
> he's not quite through with him after all.
>
> Indeed, there is nothing wrong with the Republican
leadership in the
> Senate
> that a brisk mutiny couldn't cure. Trent Lott's deficiency
of character
> places him out of reach of scorn. All affronts fall short
of their mark.
> To
> insult this mama's boy properly requires an artist. (I am,
alas, only a
> writer.) No, Hillary will get no kicks from intimidating
Trent Lott.
> Trent
> Lott is conditioned to soak up abuse. He is from
Mississippi, and when
> you've been around cotton as long as Trent Lott you can
absorb anything.
>
> DASCHLE
>
> In one of his most craven stratagems Trent Lott, the Great
Abdicator,
> offered to share power with Minority Commissar Tom
"Traschle" Daschle.
> The
> gesture may not have been as generous as it appears
inasmuch as Trent
> Lott's
> hand has never really touched the tiller of the Senate.
Nevertheless,
> sharing power with a Democrat is a parlous business - like
sharing a
> hypodermic needle with Robert Downey Jr., or drinking out
of a glass
> Madonna
> just put down. The last comparable tactical blunder of
Trent Lott's
> magnitude was when George Armstrong Custer invited Sitting
Bull to enter
>
> into joint tenancy with him on the high ground at the
Little Bighorn.
> Daschle and Trent Lott have made the Senate into an
Everest of
> Excrement.
> The only thing they can share now capably is a shovel.
>
> One cringes at the indecency of anyone allowing himself to
be bullied by
> a
> socialistic toad like Daschle. Never has their been a more
dismal case
> of
> defeat snatched from the jaws of victory. Daschle demanded
complete
> surrender but Trent Lott held out for total capitulation.
Trent Lott wet
>
> his
> pants in his eagerness to turn the control of the Senate
over to
> Daschle.
> South Dakota's Daschle, the Leon Trotzky of the Black
Hills, is
> rewriting
> the history of the West specifying Wyatt Earp was a black
man and that
> the
> mesquite would have grown better if the pioneers had made
the prairie
> into
> a
> collective farm. Politically speaking, Daschle could teach
the
> indigenous
> red man a thing or two about being Red. It is leftie
weasels like Tom
> Daschle that kept South Dakota from growing up to be
another North
> Dakota.
>
> LADIES
>
> Comes along Hillary Clinton to join Barbara Boxer and
Dianne Feinstein
> in
> the Medusa Caucus whose mission it is to round up strays
from
> minorities,
> delinquent teenagers, sexual deviants and chronic
unemployables they can
>
> make wards of the state. Boxer and Feinstein, in whose
state of
> California
> the electrical On/Off switch is about to be replaced by
the Off/Off
> switch.
> Nobody knows what motivates these yentas. So far it has
baffled every
> endocrinologist in the western world.
>
> The feminist view is there is no greater need for the
survival of the
> Republic than to provide Boxer and Feinstein with another
gorgon to
> "dish"
> with - to accompany them to the powder room where they can
discuss the
> latest advances in contraceptive devices ("I heard Janet
Reno uses a
> horse
> collar as an IUD.")
>
> RACE
>
> Despite Hillary Rodham Clinton's rabid liberalism there is
no indication
>
> that she (or any other Democrat) will refuse to remain a
member of the
> Senate just because it has no blacks in it. Nevertheless,
her attach�
> case
> bulges with plans to expand Affirmative Action - among
them, one to make
>
> university education more available to minorities by
extending the Ivy
> League down to 125th Street. (All this racial folderol is
immaterial,
> since
> the new anathema "N" word is for NASDAQ.)
>
> [Note: Charlie Rangel, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton have
not complained
>
> because the new mansion the Clintons bought is not in
Harlem. Nor has
> Hillary yet commented on Jackson referring to New York
City, that
> cosmopolitan zircon in the crown of the Empire State, as
"Hymietown."
> The
> Clintons will both remain in Washington for they are both
rich in that
> adulterated silt that fertilizes evil.]
>
> FEAR ITSELF
>
> Consider the adversaries from whom the Senate Republicans
(and Trent
> Lott)
> are conditioned to take crap.
>
> Patrick Leahy - from the gender-tentative sexual Cuisinart
called
> Vermont,
> whose state bird is Elton John.
>
> West Virginia's Robert Byrd - caught in the revolving door
of senility.
>
> Connecticut's Joseph Lieberman - chronic whiner on the
Senate
> Subcommittee
> on Oy Vay.
>
> South Carolina's Ernest Hollings - who sounds like a Civil
War horse
> making
> a farewell address to the cavalry. Hollings may have the
Southern
> inflection, but the horses have the gallantry.
>
> New York's Daniel Patrick Moynihan - whose sponsorship of
Rodham made
> him
> the most perfidious Hibernian since Gypo Nolan in John
Ford's "The
> Informer."
>
> Among Senate Republicans, like Pavlov's dogs, fear has
become a
> conditioned
> reflex. They have paraphrased FDR's axiom. "We have
nothing to fear but
> fear
> itself" to read, "We have everything to fear - up to and
including fear
> itself." It is now manifest; the true Clinton legacy is to
endow the
> U.S.
> Senate with a take-shit mindset. Republican Senators
require a daily
> ration
> of abuse. When Bubba is gone from office they will be
obliged to send
> out
> for it - like pizza.
>
> [Note: While the subject of fear abides, it is worth
mentioning the
> paradox
> that is John McCain, who spent five years in a North
Vietnamese abattoir
>
> having bamboo slivers driven under his fingernails without
flinching,
> but
> quails at the mention of campaign fund raising.]
>
> The Senate is a circus that never leaves town, and the
Clintons are the
> guests that never go home. It's time we threw their coats
out on the
> front
> lawn and see if they take the hint. If they ever do take a
hint, it sure
> as
> hell will not be from Trent Lott.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
------------------
>
> ----
> Norman Liebmann is a freelance political commentator and
staff writer
> for
> Ether Zone.
>
> Norman Liebmann can be reached at [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> We also invite you to visit his website -
http://www.Firehat.com
>
> Published in the January 22, 2001 issue of Ether Zone.
> Copyright � 2001 Ether Zone (http://etherzone.com).
> Reposting permitted with this message intact.
>
>
>
>
>
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