-Caveat Lector-

from - http://www.alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=12045

Israel in 600 Words or Less
Etgar Keret, LA Weekly
December 7, 2001

My mother says I'll never be able to understand what it's like for a nation
to be without a country. Now, my mom, she really knows what she's talking
about. After all, she went through the Holocaust, saw her home destroyed in
Poland, lost her mom and dad and little brother and finally ended up here,
in the land of Israel, her country, the land she swore she would never
leave.

My Palestinian friend Ghassan says I'll never be able to understand what
it's like for a nation to live under occupation. No, he didn't go through
the Holocaust, and his whole family is alive, thank God, at least for the
time being. But he's had it up to here with the Israeli soldiers at the
border checkpoint. "Sometimes you make it through the roadblock in a second
or two, but sometimes, when they're bored, they can make you feel like life
isn't worth living. They force you to wait for hours in the sun for no
reason, to humiliate you. Just last week, they confiscated two packs of Kent
Longs from me, simply because they felt like it. An 18-year-old kid with a
rifle in his hand and a face full of zits just came and took them."

Adina, the neighbor from downstairs, says that I'll never be able to
understand what it's like to lose a loved one in a suicide bombing. "No
death can be more meaningless than that," she says. "My brother died for two
reasons -- because he was Israeli and because he felt like having an
espresso in the middle of the night. If you can think of any dumber reasons
for dying, let me know. And there isn't even anyone to get mad at. After
all, the guy that killed him is already dead himself, blown to pieces."

My mother says that we have no other place to go, that no matter where we
go, we'll always be strangers, hated, Jews. Ghassan says that my country,
the state of Israel, is an alien and strange entity and that there is
nothing like it anywhere else in the world. There it is, in the middle of
the Middle East, pretending to be in the heart of Europe, participating in
the Eurovision song contest every year, making sure to send a soccer team to
the European cup games, and it just doesn't get that it's located in the
heart of the desert, surrounded by a Middle Eastern mentality that it
refuses to acknowledge. Adina says we're living on borrowed time, that every
time she sees the Palestinian children going wild with joy and handing out
candy after every terror attack, she thinks about how these children are
going to grow up. So I should stop all that nonsense about peace.

And if there is one thing that my mother, Ghassan and Adina have in common,
it's that they are all certain, absolutely certain, that I simply can't
understand what's going on in their heads.

But I'm actually pretty good at figuring out what's going on in other
people's heads, sometimes, especially when times are bad. I even manage to
make a living at it. All kinds of foreign publications call me and ask me to
explain, if possible in 600 words or less, what people in Israel are
thinking.

It's just a shame that I can't invent new thoughts for them, too -- ones
that are a little less afraid, a little less hateful. Thoughts more
positive, optimistic, compact, no more than 600 words.

Etgar Keret, one of Israel's most popular young writers, is author of "The
Bus Driver Who Wanted To Be God and Other Stories." Translated from Hebrew
by Ruchie Avital.

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