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}}}>Begin This is a WorldNetDaily printer-friendly version of the article which follows. To view this item online, visit http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/ article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=25860 Monday, December 31, 2001 Funniest news stories of 2001 By Joe Kovacs � 2001 WorldNetDaily.com For those of you holding your breath since last year's list of truly bizarre news events, it's finally time to exhale. Once again, WorldNetDaily presents a recap of the weirdest, most entertaining stories of the year, all in one easy-opening package. I thought I might not write this article for a time, since Sept. 11 was like a massive blow to the solar plexus. But President Bush urged us to get back to work, letting freedom ring. So as you read on, keep in mind it's your patriotic duty to enjoy yourself. 'Maddie' Albright mistaken for hotel maid When we last met on this subject, then-Secretary of State Maddie Albright had been mistaken for a hotel maid by Albanian diplomats and launched into a tirade of four-letter words to express her outrage. I suggested she mi ght seek employment with the likes of Holiday Inn after her government job, but I forgot that housekeepers need to demonstrate at least a small degree of courtesy before they're hired. I wasn't sure if 2001 could live up to such silliness, but alas, it has. Mailman goes poo-stal Let's begin with the case of the Michigan postal worker who snapped after being fired for poor job performance. Thankfully, he didn't return to his office toting firearms. Instead, 62-year-old James Beal had a more down- to-earth arsenal: a couple of buckets filled with porcupine dung and worms. Beal went into a fecal frenzy, whipping the dung at his former colleagues. "It was in their pockets, it was in their shoes," Assistant U.S. Attorney Mark Courtade told the Grand Rapids Press. At least three people were covered "from their head all the way down to their feet." As for Beal, who faces sentencing in March, he said, "I let my anger with this, sort of, overrule my judgments." Man's wife is a dog The courtroom is always a hotbed of bizarre activity, and it doesn't get much more bizarre than this. The Bangor Daily News has been covering the case of a man accused of trying to kill his grown son due to the son's attr action to animals, specifically a short-legged, mixed-breed dog named Lady. If that in itself is not strange enough, the son wrote the judge a note asking permission for his "Lady friend" to be allowed in the courtroom. "I'd like my significant other to attend by my side if possible as she was present in the house during the attack, though not an eyewitness to it, thank goodness," Phillip Buble wrote. "I've been informed your personal pe rmission is needed given that my wife is not human, being a dog of about 36 pounds weight and very well-behaved." The request, which carried Buble's signature and a hand-drawn paw print, was denied. Toyota or toy Yoda? Yoda: Toy not with the force. A legal battle that began with selling beer is still brewing in Florida. Jodee Berry is a former waitress at a Hooters restaurant in Panama City Beach. She says she was promised a new car for winning the company sales com petition. But instead of a Toyota, her employers gave her a toy Yoda doll from the "Star Wars" collection. Not amused, Berry sued, and a judge has already ruled against the company's effort to have the case dismissed. Per haps her saga should be entitled "Episode II: The Waitress Strikes Back." Breaking news: Court passes on gas Sometimes, there are news stories some people feel are simply in poor taste, while others find them hilarious. Here are a couple of cases to illustrate this. The Age of Melbourne, Australia, reported that passing gas was ruled an involuntary and "natural circumstance." While this might seem like an obvious statement of fact, a man had actually been convicted of intentional fla tulence in front of a police officer. Amid muffled laughter, Judge Leslie Ross was told how David Grixti, 28, walked toward the Werribee police station counter and, after being asked if he needed help, "poked the rear end of his body out" and broke wind, the report said. The judge dismissed the $200 fine, saying just because a person bent over to make the situation "a little more comfortable," it didn't prove it was deliberate. "I don't believe ... you can turn that particular piece of human behavior on at will," Ross said. 'I don't get no respect' No respect for Rodney Dangerfield. The other story that seemed to push the bounds of good taste was the on- air bet by two Virginia disc jockeys whether comedian Rodney Dangerfield, who was recuperating from a mild heart attack, would survive until Christm as. The wager was made by the same guys who sought to have a hockey team blast pucks at a friend's crotch to prevent him from breeding. Thankfully, Dangerfield made it to Christmas, and we hope he reaches many more, even if he doesn't get any respect. The Hechean Chronicles 2001 became a spaced-out odyssey when actress Anne Heche realized she was no longer a lesbian, just "insane." Her book entitled "Call Me Crazy" documented her interstellar alternate personality who went by the name Celest ia. "I was told to go to a place where I would meet a spaceship," the former partner of Ellen DeGeneres explained to Barbara Walters. "I believed I was from another planet. I think I was insane." Ya think? The mullah of all turbans Even events surrounding Sept. 11 and its aftermath were no strangers to strangeness. As horror gripped America when planes slammed into the World Trade Center, some thought they saw a devilish image in an Associated Press photo of the Twin Towers. While this may have been just random smoke, it's easy to see why people thought what they did. The Taliban offered its own sense of the bizarre when just before losing its final stronghold, Mullah Omar issued an edict on the importance of keeping turbans on straight. The spiritual leader called it "vulgar and un-Is lamic" to wear them to one side or too far back. It just seemed a bit odd that at the height of the war on terror in Afghanistan, fighters were urged to check their look in a mirror. Is Osama hiding on Sesame Street? And speaking of checking looks, maybe Osama bin Laden didn't realize his right-hand man looks an awful lot like Bert the Muppet of "Sesame Street" fame. Apparently, a doctored image of the two made its way onto posters th at were carried in several demonstrations. We know the original photo was altered because Bert is not wearing a turban in bin Laden's presence, let alone having it on straight. This ain't no choke! The funniest pictures published this year were in the Sydney Morning Herald. Photographers could not have asked for a better script when Australian Fashion Week turned into a nightmare on the catwalk. It had all the prope r elements for potential disaster: a blonde model sporting a diamond-encrusted bikini plus a large diamond python draped around her neck. You do the math. The Wonderful Wizard of Is While 2001 may have been the year George W. Bush skyrocketed in popularity, it was also the year that his predecessor, Bill Clinton, cashed in for some $10 million on a major book deal. With that in mind The New York Dail y News invited readers to send in suggestions for an appropriate title to his memoirs. The paper received more than 3,000 responses, with highlights including: "Waiting to Inhale" "I Got a Book Deal, You Got Bush" "All the President's Women" "Stain By Me" "Crouching Intern, Hidden Cigar" But in choosing the funniest story of the year, Bill was no match for his in- laws, the notorious Rodham gang. Spare the Rodham? Hillary Clinton, family advocate for 30 years. The very sordid tale began last summer when Hillary's brothers � Tony and Hugh � were at their vacation home in Lake Winola, Penn. Apparently, after a night of partying that may have involved the smoking of marijuana, Ton y ended up on his couch allegedly having sex with local gal Kelly Quick. Yes, that's her real name; I couldn't make this stuff up. What they didn't know was that Quick's boyfriend, Daniel Coyne, was peering through a window. In a jealous rage, Coyne allegedly barged in and began kicking Rodham in the face and body. I guess you could call it a case of Coyne-us interruptus. The New York Post reported that sluggo Tony � who incidentally was previously married to the daughter of Sen. Barbara Boxer � was cowering in the fetal position on the living-room floor. That's when his older sibling, ton s-of-fun Hugh heard the commotion and ordered Coyne to leave. He did, but returned shortly to pour out his emotions. "Kelly, how could you do this to me?" Coyne asked his girlfriend. "We've been together six years. You're like my wife." Another fistfight ensued, and Tony ended up with a broken nose, while Coyne suffered a dislocated shoulder. "The man was [sleeping with] my girlfriend. What did you expect me to do?" Coyne asked a state trooper who arrested him. The story would be classic enough if it ended there, but some people just don't know when to keep quiet. As many followers of politics know, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has been a longtime advocate of gun control. It's po ssible brother Tony never got that memo. "I wish I had a gun when he broke into my house, because I would have killed him," Tony told The Post. "That would have been good, because the story would have been over in one day." He went on to say, "Charlton Heston wo uld have given me a medal." Even in court testimony, Rodham's account of events were quite Clintonesque, as he admitted he may have been smoking pot with Coyne earlier in the night. "I might have, but I don't recall," he said. At least he didn't say he didn't inhale. The whole scenario gets an extra jolt of irony when one reads Hillary's biography on the U.S. Senate website. "Sen. Clinton has been an advocate for children and families for more than 30 years," it states. Now, I'm not sure if Tony and Hugh act the way they do because Hillary is a strong family advocate, or in spite of that clai m. Either way, I'm still waiting to hear her suggest the event was all part of a right-wing conspiracy. OK, there you have it. Another year has come and gone in the blink of an eye, as time keeps accelerating. Here's to 2002, where if history holds, truth is sure to be stranger than fiction. If you'd like to sound off on this issue, please take part in the WorldNetDaily poll. Related articles: 2000: All the news that's fun to print Dangerfield in Christmas death bet Joe Kovacs is a News Editor for WorldNetDaily.com. 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