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Cuttin' through the Bull #97 Beyond Common Sense Copyright � 2001 By Ray Thomas 01.02.02 THE BUREAUCRAT DEFINED There is a thread that runs through the makeup of all those to whom I refer as bureaucrats. That is the tendency to push the little bit of authority he or she may be granted by the powers that be to ridiculous extremes and to work feverishly to exercise every little bit of authority he or she may have every time there is an opportunity, and to increase that authority by any means possible. If no opportunity presents itself, the bureaucrat will make an opportunity. GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE? MAYBE Many people think my definition of a bureaucrat requires that all government employees be given that designation. Not so. One need not be an employee of the government to be a bureaucrat and all government employees are not necessarily bureaucrats by definition.. You will see them in all kinds of businesses in addition to the government -- businesses large and small. Government -- and private bureaucracy employees who are not bureaucrats know who the bureaucrats are in their organizations better than we do, because they have to work with them every day while we get to avoid them most of the time. NOT HARD TO SPOT The bureaucrat reveals him or herself quickly in any organization. The bureaucrat is the one who, in spite of all logic, and regardless of who gets hurt or even who dies as a result, insists that the rules be completely enforced, even if to enforce them causes one or more deaths, sometimes many. The rules involved may be such that, to enforce them, you must ignore reality -- but enforce them he or she will, in spite of Hell. OBSTRUCTIONISM Another way to quickly recognize a bureaucrat is to go to him/her with a good idea. When you do that, he or she will resist it with all the bureaucratic skill at his or her command because it is not his/ her idea -- until someone gets hurt or dies as a result of the good idea not having been recognized and implemented. Then the bureaucrat will implement your idea, solve the problem, take credit for the idea, and become a hero, probably getting a promotion in the bargain. Then he or she will make life hard for you, hoping you'll quit and go away. Or maybe he/she will just see to it that you "go away," one way or another so you will not reveal that it was your idea that was used, and that no monetary settlement must be made to you. IT'S ALL ABOUT POWER The reason for this is that the bureaucrat gets off on the power to tell others what they may or may not do. He or she is not so much interested in money personally (you don't have to own the money so long as you control, absolutely, how it is spent and can enjoy the perks that come from that control), but is very interested in it for the purpose of enhancing his or her power to run the lives of others and improve the quality of his/her o wn life. WAY BEYOND COMMON SENSE This leads to what I call the "Beyond Common Sense Syndrome." Sooner or later this syndrome infects all bureaucracies. Bureaucrats, in their efforts to gain more and more power over others, both within and without their organizations, continue to push their authority in all directio ns until the things they do to enforce the rules become ridiculous to everyone but themselves. Here are some examples: The Hooters Fiasco: Do you remember, during the time when the government was shut down in 1995 and all unnecessary employees were sent home that the feds cracked down on the Hooters restaurant chain in an attempt to force them to hire men as Hooters Girls? The scam was to force Hooters to stop discriminating against men in their hiring policies. Can you imagine going into Hooters and being served by a big, husky, hairy man wearing the tie d tight T-shirt and tiny shorts the Hooters waitresses wear? Ok, ok. Gay men and some women would like it, but I don't think that's the kind of customer they're looking for. The fact that the whole idea on which this chai n built their business rested on the fact that men came to their restaurant because of the "Hooters Girls" seemed to completely escape the bureaucrats, who invested a lot of our money in this attempt, before common sense and the derision of Hooters and their own peers came to the fore and they quietly dropped it. The Six-Year-Old Rapists: Six-year-old Jonathan Prevette, In Lexington, NC, and seven-year-old De'Andre Page in New York City were each penalized, in separate cases, for kissing female classmates. They were basically accu sed of sexual harassment. Have you ever seen a six- or seven-year-old child who even knew about sex personally, let alone actually thought about sexually harassing a girl? Most kids at that age would probably throw up at the thought -- if they had it explained to them, that is. The whole idea of close association (of any kind) with girls on a regular basis to boys at that age scares them to death. But did that stop the bureaucrats? Of cou rse not. Advil A Dangerous Drug? In Humble, Texas, a 13-year-old honor student got a one-day suspension from school for -- get this -- having a bottle of Advil in her backpack. Local bureaucrats in the school system actually had t he audacity to have drug-sniffing dogs go over her at the Riverwood Middle School there. Never mind that Advil is an over-the-counter headache medicine available to everybody. It narrowly qualifies as a drug -- in much th e same manner as the FDA is now trying to classify nicotine as a dangerous drug. So the bureaucrats brought in the big guns and busted this criminal. You Give Up Your Rights: In Texas recently, bureaucrats with the school system conspired with bureaucrats from the Child Protective Service to rape a small boy. Rape? Isn't that a strong accusation? You be the judge. They called this small boy in, interrogated him, forced him to strip, and a female bureaucrat closely examined him while he was naked. It is not known if this female bureaucrat found it necessary to manipulate his genitals du ring the examination. All this in the name of finding evidence of "child abuse," and without parental consent or notification. When the parents predictably sued, Federal District Judge Melinda Harmon ruled that: parents g ive up their rights when they drop the children off at public schools! (Source: Wall Street Journal, October 8, 1996) Really now. Where is it written in statute or in the Constitution that this is so? Actually, it's a bur eaucrat judge backing up CPS and school bureaucrats by ruling according to her prejudices, and to please other bureaucrats, instead of by the Constitution. What they did to that boy qualifies as rape in my book. Penile Plethysmography: Child protection agency bureaucrats think any indication of "Sexual knowledge" on the part of a child "indicates" that he/she has been sexually abused and actually use such knowledge as "evidence" in their captive courts to brand innocent parents as abusers. In order to find such evidence if the child does not naturally display it, they have a "medical procedure" called penile plethysmography. This procedure with a girl-child (sometimes as young as 12) involves shoving a penis-shaped sensor into her vagina and showing her government-produced pornography to "find out what turns her on." If she becomes aroused at any part of it, she is declared to have been sexually abused. If she wasn't sexually abused before, she has been now. With boys, the procedure is similar except that they use a sensor ring at the base of the penis. Cars Impounded for No Insurance: In Colorado in 1995, Democratic Rep. Vi June introduced a bill (HB 1232) that would allow government agencies to take possession of the car if the owner (or driver) is found to be driving without insurance. Next thing, they'll be ripping off your car for traffic tickets! (Oh. Right. No insurance is a traffic ticket.) Update: they can now confiscate your car for nonpayment of traffic tickets. Either way -- You're Toast: One of the bureaucrat's favorites is to punish the parent for the sins of their children. The fact that they're working just as hard to destroy the ability of the parent to keep his or her chil d in line doesn't seem to matter. One of the things they teach your kids in school is that if the parent does anything the child doesn't like they can "report" them as child abusers and the parents lose all control over t he child. Of course, the child has no idea of what horrors he/ she has brought down upon his/her head by doing this. The fact is, there are kids today who are impossible to control without corporal punishment -- which the authorities call child abuse. And the kids know it. One popular way to back their parents down is to threaten to accuse them of child abuse. It works because child Protective Services can rip the family asunder without a ny kind of proof. Bureaucrats rule! Liberal Ideas Of Art: A crucifix in a jar of urine. A photograph of a candlestick or a bullwhip stuck in a man's rectum. A picture of a soiled bed, a pickled cow and a painting done with elephant dung. The very latest is an empty room in which a light switch is turned on and off at five second intervals and just before that a bunch of plastic penises hung on a clothes line that was stolen from a Boulder, Colorado Library exhibit was calle d "great art." Most of those mentioned have won impressive art prizes. Real art, requiring talent, can't seem to get a break in such contests. All paid for by the feds. I could go on and on with more examples from my file s than anyone would imagine existed. But I won't, because I don't want to cause you to go into neutral. What I will do is ask you to go out of your way to condemn any example of bureaucratic excess you see -- even if it d oesn't involve you personally. BECOME AN OBSTACLE When you see someone victimized by a bureaucrat who has gone beyond common sense, speak out about it and become an obstacle to the plans and actions of that bureaucrat. Always be there to stand in their way the next time they try to victimize someone by blindly enforcing rules that go off the deep end. KNOW WHO THEY ARE Keep track of the names of these overzealous bureaucrats in your community and work to get them fired, impeached, or recalled. If you don't stop these people while they are small bureaucrats, soon they'll be Bill Clinton. 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