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http://www.punch.co.uk/Mo%20Archive/mo_130.html
Issue 130, May 09� 22, 2001
Britain has 15,000 spies. What do they all do?
Anyone who still believes Britain is a democracy should be locked up
in a rubber room. Every day, the hopes and dreams of millions of
ordinary people in this country are trampled by a political super-
class and an establishment that cares nothing for freedom and human
dignity.
Tony Blair sees himself as "President" of Britain, riding roughshod
over the wishes of ordinary working people, while sitting on top of
the establishment heap is the Royal Household.
Under the control of the Royal Household, the security services can
commit any crime they like and the big, legal guns of the Official
Secrets Act silence anyone who dares to expose it. The Royal
Household acts as if we are still in the Middle Ages.
When the taxpayers of Britain hand over their hard-earned cash to the
government, what do they expect in return? Better schools, maybe?
Better hospitals? A transport system that works and a countryside
that is safe and productive?
Then they will be disappointed. The amount of taxpayers' money that
is wasted is staggering, and the biggest black hole is the security
services, a spooky gang that sucks more cash from the public purse
every year.
Big-time spying costs buckets of money. But there is never any
shortage of cash for the spooks at MI5. Or for MI6 or those
electronic eavesdroppers at GCHQ, who secretly listen to every word
we utter into our telephones. Every year these shadowy people hoover
billions of pounds from the Treasury, billions of taxpayers' money
that should have been earmarked for improvements in the nation's
quality of living.
The influential and internationally respected magazine the Economist
recently said that Britain's total expenditure on spying was well
over �1 billion. This figure coaxed a smile from the former deputy
head of MI6, who estimated that the real figure was �2.5 billion.
What do the spooks do with all that money? Now that the Cold War is
supposed to be over, who are they spying on? They didn't do much of a
job in catching whoever bugged the Ministry of Defence a couple of
weeks ago. Nor did they nail the IRA activities in Britain. In fact,
they cocked up the whole investigation. It looks like the only people
they are spying on are the people of this country.
There are 15,000 spies working for the security services. What are
these thousands of spooks doing? They seem to spend their lives
getting drunk and leaving behind their laptops in the laps of lap
dancers. So now the security services are spending �15 million on
special thief-proof briefcases for them.
Meanwhile, mind-bending sums of money are being squandered on fancy
office blocks, like the architectural nightmare that MI6 built at
Vauxhall Cross, one of the finest riverside sites in London, at a
cost of more than �600 million. And the new GCHQ centre in
Cheltenham, which was originally supposed to cost just �20 million,
now looks like wasting more than �1 billion of taxpayers' money. All
this, as well as the more than �300 million that was spent on grand
new offices for Members of Parliament at Portcullis House.
These are just the projects we can see. Imagine what wastage must be
going on in the secret operations none of us are allowed to know
about, for "reasons of national security". Instead of wasting all
those hundreds of millions of pounds on plush offices for spies to
sit around in, the government could have used just some of the money
to stop the Wembley stadium redevelopment from turning into a
complete disaster.
The plan to demolish Wembley and build a state-of-the-art stadium was
originally meant to cost �334 million. That price has now climbed to
a staggering �660 million, though not even a brick has been removed
from the old stadium and there isn't a bulldozer in sight. What can
you expect from a government that had no problem squandering nearly a
billion pounds on the ridiculous Millennium Dome? But, no matter how
much money the government throws at the security services, there are
some of us who will not be silenced by the spookmasters and the Royal
Household. I have no doubt that the security services were behind the
deaths of my son, Dodi, and Princess Diana in Paris in 1997. And they
know it too, which is why they are using the KGB bullyboy tactic of
the Official Secrets Act to prevent me from proving them to be liars
and murderers.
No matter how hard these people try to stop me, and despite all the
threats they have made against me, I will prove that they did it. I
am afraid of no one but God. In Him I place my faith and my trust,
and I know that truth and justice will, one day, prevail.
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