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Arab News SAUDI ARABIA'S FIRST ENGLISH LANGUAGE DAILY http://www.arabnews.com/Article.asp?ID=18814 Dangers of politicizing mixed marriages By Abdul Aziz Husain Al-Suwaiyyegh Published on 23 September 2002 In an interview with the Associated Press in London, Aliya and Aysha, two Saudi girls, spoke to Dona Abu Al-Naser about the breakdown of their parents� marriage. Their father is Saudi while their mother is American. Dona explains that both girls were brought up in a conservative Saudi family and over the past 17 years have seen their mother only once. She has battled fiercely to have the girls brought to the United States. Dona repeats a statement by the younger daughter, Aliya, 23: "I don�t want to go to the US or contact my mother." Aysha, who is 29, said: "We want her to leave us alone and we will not rest until she is dead." From her home in San Francisco, Pat Roush, their mother, says: "My daughters love me and I love them." She accuses the Saudi government of forcing the girls to reject her. I myself have followed cases in which problems have arisen between American wives and Saudi husbands � problems leading to strained family life, toss of love and eventually to divorce. It is important to first clarify that this phenomenon is neither strange nor is it unique to Saudi husbands. These are problems that arise between husbands and wives all over the world, in "normal" as well as in "mixed marriages" � where the partners are of different nationalities. What is strange about "mixed marriages" is that social and marital problems are transformed into thorny political issues which could damage relations between two countries long linked by friendship and mutual interests. Even more ludicrous is that the Saudi government should be accused by certain individuals of forcing husbands and children to act in a way that is against their interests. What possible self-interest could motivate the Saudi government to take such a stand? The adoption by a government of a certain political stance is usually linked to a goal that serves the interest of that state or government. Have those who spread these accusations asked themselves what interest would be served by denying a mother her daughters or a husband his wife? What interest does it serve for the Saudi government to forbid Roush�s daughters from contacting her or going back to her? An 18-member delegation from the US Congress visited Saudi Arabia last week. Congressman Dan Burton, chairman of the Committee on Government Reform in the US Congress, headed the delegation. In June, prior to his visit to the Kingdom, Burton led a session in which he delivered a speech concerning US-Saudi relations � the major part of which dealt with what he termed "the case of weak people" or more specifically, the cases of marital problems between Saudi husbands and their American wives. In his speech, Burton accused the Saudi government of refusing to respect American law and said that Saudi laws regarding the rights of women and children were wrong. According to Burton, not only had the Saudi government refused assistance in solving such cases, it had also established what he called "safe houses" for Saudi husbands in a country that regards women and children as private property. The aim of this delegation�s visit was to verify the facts surrounding Roush�s case and other similar cases. This is exactly what the Saudi government allowed them to do despite its conviction that such cases are governed by social relations and law rather than by foreign affairs. The Saudi Minister for Foreign Affairs, Prince Saud Al-Faisal, considers matters of marital discord between some Saudi husbands and their American wives as neither a Saudi-American problem nor a governmental problem. It is a family problem. In spite of that, the Saudi government did its utmost to urge the sisters, Aliya and Aysha, to discuss the case. Furthermore, it bore the expenses of their travel, with their husbands and children, to London in order to allow them total freedom to speak or indeed to travel from London to the US or even to seek refuge in the US Embassy in London if they so wished. As reported by the Associated Press, an American diplomat visited the sisters and confirmed that she found them in good health and that they had told her they did not wish to travel to the US at that time. Despite all her efforts, including providing the sisters with American passports, the sisters refused her offer. In spite of the fact that the sisters are considered American by birth, they both confirmed that neither of them held an American passport. Aysha insists: "The US is not our country. Even if our mother is American, if we were to go there, we would not be happy. We would be lost." At the same time, the sisters speak with great love of their father and say that he constantly asks them whether they would like to speak with their mother on the phone. Aysha confirms, "He did not forbid us from seeing our mother if we wished." Who is it then that is subjecting them to torture and nightmares disregarding their wish? The sisters confirm that it is their mother who is doing it through her public campaign. Aysha says of her mother: "She has appeared on television and insulted us and our religion. This approach does not help us have any feelings for her." When the Associated Press journalist asked them if they had any final words to say to their mother, Aliya said: "We are proud to be Saudi women. Our men treat us with respect and we live well. Just make her leave us alone. Many years have passed and we do not need her." As for Aysha, her final words were: "If she truly loves us and wants us to be happy, then let her leave us to live in peace with our husbands in Saudi Arabia without any scandals in the newspapers or on television." The problem is that despite all this, their mother, in an e-mail to the Associated Press, said that there was no guarantee her daughters had spoken freely in London. She went on to say: "It pains me that the government of Saudi Arabia and their mentally retarded father and his family have tortured them and have now subjected them to this nightmare in London." She declared that she would not give up and would not stop working to get back "my Aliya and my Aysha". In the end, of course, marital disputes are human ones whose effects are not limited to the partners. They affect also the children. who are the fuel that keep the fire burning. Prince Saud clarified in his meeting with the delegation from the Congress that the subject of disputes in mixed marriages is considered "a human tragedy that should not be politicized." He confirmed that his country was not only concerned with, but was also committed to, dealing with these cases and that the Saudi government had created a special committee to review each case in an attempt to find a solution acceptable to both sides. Prince Saud also asked that both countries work side by side to find practical solutions to these tragic cases. The solutions "should guarantee the rights of both parents and, more importantly, should safeguard the rights of the children who are the real victims in such cases." In my opinion, the Saudi government has presented endless evidence of its good intentions and showed its commitment to finding a solution to the marital disputes the delegation investigated. The invitation extended to the delegation and giving its members full freedom to meet with any of the children of American mothers and giving them the chance to speak without witnesses merely confirms the extent of the Saudi efforts. The government has no objective except to work for a solution that guarantees the rights of both sides and especially the rights of the children. The attempts to use these cases as tools to harm the Saudi government and distort the image of the Saudi citizen is unacceptable. For every case of a failed marriage between Saudis and Americans, there are many more successful ones where the wives and families live peacefully together whether in Saudi Arabia or in the US. Marriage is a relationship between two people that may last so long as either person lives or it may end the very first day. I remember the story of a newly married couple who began their honeymoon with an argument during which their voices were raised and things ended in divorce. Upon grumbling to one of his friends about his bad luck, the friend commented: "Marriage resembles a barrel filled half with honey and half with onions. It seems, my friend, that you have opened the barrel from the wrong end." � Abdul Aziz Husain Al-Suwaiyyegh is director of the Foreign Ministry�s office in the Western Province. 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