-Caveat Lector-
------ Forwarded Message
>> Subject: Dennis Miller on the Middle East
>>
>>
>> A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service
>> to
>> all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the
>> Middle
>> East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you really need. Don't thank
>> me.
>> I'm a giver. Here we go:
>> The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about
>> that: there are no Palestinians. It's a made-up word. Israel was called
>> Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds
>> ancient but is really a modern invention.
>> Before the Israelis won the land in war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, and
>> there were no "Palestinians" then, and the West Bank was owned by Jordan,
>> and there were no "Palestinians" then. As soon as the Jews took over and
>> started growing oranges as big as basketballs, what do you know, say hello
>> to
>> the "Palestinians," weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and
>> "nation." So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian"
>> any more to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our
>> deaths
>> until someone points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them
> what
>>
>> they are: "Other Arabs From The Same General Area Who Are In Deep Denial
>> About Never Being Able To Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather
> Wrap
>>
>> Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."
>> I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this,
>> then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters."
>> Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just
> one
>>
>> more thing. No, they don't. They could've had their own country any time
> in
>>
>> the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David. But if you
>> have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks
>> and
>> Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way
>> to
>> make a living. That's no fun.
>> No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want:
> Israel.
>>
>> They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course-that's where the real
> fun
>>
>> is?but mostly they want Israel. Why? For one thing, trying to destroy
>> Israel?or "The Zionist Entity" as their textbooks call it?for the last
>> fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries to divert the
>> attention
>> of their own people away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most
>> illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've
>> ever been around God's Earth, you know that's really saying something.
>> It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic
>> about
>> the great history and culture of the Muslim Mideast. Unless I'm missing
>> something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra,
>> and,
>> by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
>> Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five
>> million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and
>> Israel
>> as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks
>> swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone
> will
>>
>> be pals. Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of
>> wars
>> to obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths
> to
>>
>> drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
>> My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just
>> reverse
>> the numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I
>> was
>> stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews
>> strapping
>> belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not. Or
>> marshalling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to
>> drive
>> a tiny Arab state into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder
>> of
>> innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the
>> Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children? Disgusting. No, as
> you
>>
>> know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do
>> to
>> people is debate them to death.
>> Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that
> with
>>
>> vital operations coming up against Iraq and others, it's in our interest,
>> as
>> Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and,
>> after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of
>> supermodels who've just had their drugs taken away. However, in any
>> big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral weight .
>> We've
>> already lost some.
>> After September 11 our president told us and the world he was going to
>> root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them. Beautiful.
>> Then the Israelis, after months and months of having the equivalent of an
>> Oklahoma City every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing
> we
>>
>> did, and we tell them to show restraint. If America were being attacked
>> with
>> an Oklahoma City every day, we would all very shortly be screaming for the
>> administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the
>> mediterranean and east of the Jordan. (Hey, wait a minute, that's actually
>> not such a bad id?uh, that is, what a horrible thought, yeah, horrible.)
>>
------ End of Forwarded Message
--
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
Sir Winston Churchill
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