WASHINGTON, D.C. (Routers) -- FBI Director Louis Freeh announced today that the Federal Bureau of Investigation takes the criticism of its wiretapping computer sniffer Carnivore "very seriously." In a hastily-called press conference, he acknowledged that the FBI had "underestimated the importance of the Constitution to the citizen-units.' "We are withdrawing Carnivore at this time," he said to an assembled audience of journalists, activists, and visiting death squad officials from South America. "Simply put, we expected citizen-units to simply shrug off our latest surveillance measures. That, and the name. Apparently we insulted the vegetarian and vegan contingent," he joked. Director Freeh announced that while Carnivore was being withdrawn, the FBI would go ahead with deployment of a much more powerful system called "Childsaver." "Childsaver is our next-generation "first mover advantage" product," said Freeh, adopting the FBI's new dotcom-friendly jargon. "Childsaver is a best-of-breed product. It gives us a powerful edge in the surveillance space, and we think our investors will be happy." Childsaver, as Director Freeh explained it, will require suppliers of browsers and mail programs to install the Childsaver plug-in in every program shipped. "Childsaver will allow the legitimate needs of law enforcement by enabling lawful surveillance orders to be carried out swiftly and undetectably." When asked by a reporter if Carnivore had always been intended as a sacrifice move, to be abandoned and replaced by the better-sounding Childsaver, Director Freeh referred all such questions to the Ministry of Truth. (end)
