1947 thinking of poking at this more. better commit my changes. re: texts: my friend wasn't influenced as badly as i was, which is always wonderful to learn and hard to remember and believe later. i don't know what to say to them.
1948 committed the downloader that doesn't crash, to 'wip'. more work to do. 1949 .... it's hard to push the edges of what feels reasonable to do .... it leaves me with a lot of 'activity' in me, focused on kind of devaluing and numbing the behavior. there's not room for a lot of pleasure, satisfaction, fillingness. it can seem really nice to step away and do soemthing else, and things can worsen when one doesn't, but when i do it can be much much harder to return, for a very long time, depending on where i am in my internal inhibitions ... 1950 it would be nice to think about the texts from my friend ... i don't know what else i would do with my time than work on this ... 1951 but i may step away a little. i got much farther than it felt like. the important thing to remember is that i can do it. i can do much more than it. i have to understand my learning process just a little, and then i can draw a path to success -- maybe ! it's just really nonintuitive. lots of my processes and parts act on my plans and feelings around my goals, like changing them and stuff, so it can be very confusing. i think i made progress. i'm not certain, though.
