I'm guessing you're saying you support this list in your heart and are tasked with obstructing it and disreputing, influencing, or observing its members, and that this is sometimes hard for you and not expected to stop soon.
It's very hard for me to tell. I am guessing. Regarding autism spectrum, maybe this is a good analogy for engaging cultures that differ from one's own. I'm not hate-filled, nor hostile. Maybe in your language, it is normal to accuse people of what they receive. This is not appropriate in mine.
