Following on from the post and forfeit fiasco...
You Asked for It!
The Privilege of Being Regulated
by Russell Madden
At last! The veil parts. The beam falls from my eye. The fog clears.
How could I have been so blind? Man-oh-man-oh-man, I have wasted my life,
plugging along, trying to make money and eke out a modest living by
offering my meager services to various employers. All those years toiling
in menial jobs. All that aggravation in dealing with surly students. All
that frustration in attempting to interest uncaring publishers in my books
and short stories.
What a waste of valuable time and energy when I could have been pulling in
the dough so much more easily.
The wonderful lads in Washington, D. C., have shown the way, illuminating
the path for slow-to-catch-on types such as I. Here and all, I thought the
best way to earn dollars was to exchange a desired service or product
produced by yours truly for the voluntarily surrendered money of those
desirous of my talents and effort.
A recent story from The Wall Street Journal, however, has provided me the
key to unlimited wealth. In between all their dedicated and wondrous
efforts to oust Saddam Hussein and to free the long-suffering Iraqi people
from their dirty ol' homes and lives, the ingenious worker-bees in the
current presidential administration have creatively devised a method to
increase their budgets.
(Oooo! I tingle all over pondering the titillating possibilities inherent
in the principle these lads and lasses have uncovered.)
The fun folks at such what-would-we-do-without-them organizations as the
Department of Agriculture (the clever people who bring us all higher food
prices to subsidize the lifestyles of a small group of the richest
farmers), the Federal Communication Commission (the farsighted dreamers who
want to outlaw analog television reception in a few years and whose
policies have slowed broadband and retarded the tech sector), and the Food
and Drug Administration (the compassionate souls who have helped end
prematurely the lives of millions of Americans by delaying approval of
drugs and medical devices, and who contributed to the skyrocketing costs of
the drugs they do approve by endless paperwork and delays), these
chuckle-chums and others have been informed by the prez's people to charge
the people they regulate for the privilege of being regulated.
Brilliant! Delightful! Bodacious!
More precisely, these modern magicians are supposed to increase the "user
fees" they already collect from various businesses. Those evil corporations
paid only $170 billion in such "fees" last year. By golly, the prez has our
best interests at heart and wants these rich SOB's to fork over another two
billion or so this year.
Consider the genius of this plan:
1. Pass a bunch of laws and regulations that control what various
businesses may or may not do, i.e., force them to do what you want them to do.
2. Set yourself up as the body charged with ensuring that those involuntary
actions are done according to your own specifications.
3. Claim you are forcing these companies to adhere to standards (set by
you) in order to protect the "public" from the nasty things the businesses
would do or not do if you weren't there to keep an eagle eye on them.
4. Make the companies pay "user fees" because they "use" your time and
resources when you force them to do what you want.
5. Force the companies to cough up even more money later so you can
increase your own salary and staff.
Wow. I take off my hat to the pushers of this cunning and masterful scam.
Maybe I can force college-age students to go to college because it would be
good for them to learn more. Then I'll make them take my classes. Next,
I'll charge them for the privilege of using my services. Plus, I'll make it
illegal for any of the students not to take my classes and forbid anyone
from dropping the classes. Then, when I decide I need more money, I'll
raise their "user fees" so I can finally buy that plasma-screen television
I've coveted.
Better yet, they don't actually have to benefit from my teaching. Indeed,
if they get more educationally confused and end up worse off than they were
before, I'll use their failure as an excuse to demand even more money from
them!
What a wonderful spiral: miss a lot of classes; grade only cursorily;
ignore the outcomes; get paid by the students for forcing them to do what I
tell them to do. Do it all again.
And guess what! No more idiotic student evaluations. If they don't like
what I force them to do, who cares? I'll fine them even more or maybe just
throw them in jail.
Sweet!
Hmm...
'Course, now that I think on this a mite, I'm beginning to wonder how
original this scheme truly is.
After all, I am forced to pay for the "privilege" of adhering to "gun
control" laws � such as purchase permits � I don't want but that are
supposed to keep me "safe."
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for a State-mandated education
system I don't want but that is supposed to produce knowledgeable students
but doesn't.
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for building new jails to lock up
all those drug users who are in jail because of laws I don't want that make
it illegal to recreate with drugs not approved of by those who create and
enforce the drug laws.
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for random vehicle checkpoints that
I don't want so cops can be employed to enforce drug laws and seat belt
laws that I don't want but that are passed so the cops can enforce them.
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for wars that I don't want so the
war-ophiles can increase their budgets and buy more of those military
goodies so they can use them in another war that I don't want.
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for random and degrading searches
that I don't want at airports and national parks and monuments so more
federal workers can be hired to perform the searches I don't want.
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for business and individual welfare
that I don't want so those companies can charge me more for goods I don't
want and so individuals can have a higher lifestyle and I can have a lower
one.
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for health coverage mandates that I
don't want so I can pay more for my health care and help keep employed
those who create and enforce the mandates.
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for swimming pools and sports
stadiums and urban renewal and parks that I don't want and don't use so a
handful of people can have fun or make money.
I am forced to pay � for my own good � for a national "security" system
that I don't want so I can be less free and more insecure.
Gosh. This plan doesn't sound like so much fun, after all. I may have to
rethink my strategy. How do I opt out of this mess?
I hear that some of the businesses that will have to begin paying or pay
more in "user fees" are protesting. Too bad so many of those same large
corporations were all for the State imposing mandates when it meant keeping
out new entrants or bankrupting current competitors; when such mandates
meant State-enforced monopolies that hiked their bottom lines; when such
mandates allowed them to slow their innovation and rest upon their laurels.
To such peddlers-of-pull, such parasites, all I can say is:
You asked for it.
Too bad that the State is so "generous" that even those of us who didn't
"ask for it" are getting it, too.
Ouch...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reference
Yochi J. Dreazen and Deborah Solomon, "Paying for Regulation," Wall Street
Journal, February 4, 2003.
http://freedom.orlingrabbe.com/lfetimes/you_asked_forit.htm
